Wide awake, can't sleep.

Well it seems like you have everything figured out. I always have a concern with something not posting so a rule of thumb for me is if something has taken me more than 20 minutes to write then I copy it and save it somewhere else. Rewriting something off of memory is ridiculously frustrating because it takes away from the original thought. And my night was lonely, for some reason when you simply fall asleep because you are tired I don't feel that way. But your frustration must have been permeating the ether because I think i felt it lol.

And I am quite good at making people blush and smile. ;] But the rosey cheeks aren't something I give out to anybody like smiles. Tis only reserved for those I truly like. So I think that says more about you than I, my sunshine <3.

Your children sound lovely. Even though I'm not biblical in nature (though my friend usually calls me a warrior for God but that's another story I suppose), I really love biblical names. I don't know If it's a psychological quality that is ingrained in the psyche or if it's something deeper than that. But still you are quite blessed to have 2 great children, and they are blessed to have such a beautiful and loving mother. <3

Do you mind me asking what caused your heartache and pain and what would you do differently?

Sorry that you were in pain today. Hopefully it will be all recovered in the next year and you can move on from it. ;]

My day was uneventful. Just some staying in motion, but I've had the thought of getting into astronomy for some reason. Like a really strong sense to do it. I think I may have to look into it. My attraction to the sky has become so much stronger in the last 2 months.

Also oddly enough I had only a singular dream and it was way too fuzzy to remember. I'll just blame that on not getting my nightcap with you ;].

<3

Yeah, the computer thing had me frustrated last night. And to top it off the kids had me frustrated because they were restless in their sleep which means tossing and turning and grumpy mornings for them, LOL. Sorry if you felt that last night

You made me get rosy cheeks again :)

My kids are quite lovely, but i'm biased! LOL. I would love to hear why your friend calls you a warrior for God...please share when you are willing too.. I love Biblical names as well. My son has a double Biblical name, Noah Gabriel. I'm not sure if you read my response to Easy but I wrote about my daughters name and it's significance there. I named her Hannah after the story of Hannah in the Bible. She is my angel child, the one I was not suppose to be able to have. My son is a miracle child as well. The cord was wrapped 3 times around his neck when he was born and they lost his heartbeat. He should have been a c-section and got stuck in the canal. Anyway, my doctor was Jewish and he knew there wasn't any time to waste so he literally clasped his hands and prayed aloud while sitting between my legs as I struggled to give birth and get my son unstuck and after praying he reached inside and pulled my son out. He had tried everything before that and nothing worked. I know you aren't a believer in the same ways I am however I believe it was the power of his prayer that saved my son during his birth.

I don't mind you asking about the pain and heartache I had during my marriage. My ex husband suffered from bipolar disorder and I didn't know it until well after I was pregnant. I also didn't know he was still married to his first wife. He got divorced the day we got married, exactly 14 days to the day of my sons birth, most definitely a shotgun wedding! He cheated many, many times and suffered from horrible mood swings/depression/mania related to the Bipolar. I believed he could and would change, so that created heartache and pain. He left when our daughter was two weeks old and never looked back. At that point though there was no more pain or heartache, after the initial act of his finally leaving I filed for divorce and took him totally by surprise. He thought he could just mosey on back a few months later. NOPE, was he surprised! He now lives with a girl who I just recently found out he was dating while we were married. She is pregnant with his child, about 20-25 weeks and it will be a miracle if it survives. It isn't healthy. I'd say he has bad genes. LOL. I don't harbor any resentment or hatred for him. I get angry with him when he hurts the kids but that is just a natural mothers reaction. I hold no ill feelings for him. I actually feel bad for him and his girlfriend for the probable loss of their child. Even though we may not get along and I want nothing to do with her or my kids to have anything to do with her, the fact of the matter is that I know what it is like to lose a child and I know how difficult it is. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and the bottom line is that it's sad. This would be her first child and this far along I can only imagine how her heart grieves. I feel bad for her from a mothers perspective. I know how wonderful it is to have children to love being pregnant and to want to be a mother with every breath you take so I have no ill feelings for her, just hope that she can overcome the sorrow.

As for my pain, yes, I am so, SO looking forward to this being over. I really want my life back. We were so active before this happened. Noah told me the other day, "Mommy, when your back is feeling better I want to take you to Disneyland to ride on the roller coasters to celebrate because we haven't been in a long time". He pulled my heart strings on that one and it made me realize just how much he has missed our active lifestyle. We had season passes to Disneyland and Knotts so we would go weekly along with other fun activities. So, the surgery and recovery will be rough but I am looking forward to having my life back and not having the same pain I have now. Some days are good, some days are bad and unfortunately today was bad.

I think getting into astronomy sounds lovely. The night sky is so beautiful. I wish we lived in a place with fewer lights so we could really grasp the beauty every night. I love to stargaze.

So no work this week, I know you said you prefer to do labor? How do you manage to get by if you don't mind my asking? I hope that isn't prying too much. If it is, I understand and it's okay, i'm not trying to pry, just interested thats all <3

Hugs to you....

I am going to close my eyes for a little while. The pain has been bad today and i'm exhausted from it. If I can't rest peacefully i'll be back on. Hugs my friends and hope you all have blessed nights <3 xoxo

I'm a night owl...have been for a long time. I wish, I pray that I could be an early riser, but I can only seem to do it for about 2 weeks, then I burn out. One of my daughters is just like me. Both of us are up till about 2 or 3 am. Most people think it's strange, but my kiddos sleep till atleast 9am. I usually don't even feel awake until about 5 in the evening.

Bless your soul tonight Miss!! I'm gunna respond to your post before I hit bed; time to process everything you said :).

;]

I did read your explanation of the meaning. Gabriel is a great name also. I can see why you believe in what you do though. And I don't mean that in a dismissive way. You've had a lot of contact with God.

Honestly, I'm not very sure why he calls me that. Maybe it's because of the way I live or the fact that I show the utmost respect for his beliefs. It also may come from my acceptance of others and the kind and calming nature of my soul. I've never been into a fist fight in my life, nor have I (when old enough to understand) purposefully taken advantage of anyone for nefarious purposes. I'm always willing to help and ask for literally nothing in return except acceptance. I live as simply as possible just trying to make this world better for others. It's just something he continues to say even though I've told him I'm not cut of that cloth any longer.

I'm going to go off a bit so don't mind me. ;]. I'll still cross myself occasionally or blow a kiss towards the sky. I was born Christian, baptized and all the trimmings. Never went to church or nor was my family very religious, but we had respect. When i was 14 shortly after my mom died my Uncle who is born again tried to get me to go to a youth group. I went a couple of times, enough to be invited to a camp away. I understand why he pushed me towards it, because of the anger and sadness I felt. But truthfully I was way too angry and sad to even care. One thing that stuck out to me though was all these kids (mostly were older than me) were so welcoming and nice. I don't think I opened up at all towards them, but they kept showing love which just reenforced my belief that those who follow the true word of God ultimately walk along the righteous path. That stuck with me strongly. That path isn't set for one order though, which is where my path started to differ. I just came to the conclusion that most of these different Gods and beliefs are rooted in the same message. But I could no longer pledge allegiance towards one deity. I also didn't turn my back on them all, I've simply adopted the belief that your God is as real as any others. All that I ask is you follow the kindness and peace that your God (not yours but everyone's personal)wants. What turns me off towards a lot of religion is the separatist attitude and underlying disdain for those who don't practice. There are major examples of this through out history, but I'll give a personal one. One drunken night some years ago with friends I asked one a question. He is very religious (not the same who calls me a warrior). I asked him if he thought I was going to end up in hell because I don't believe like him even if I did good. He looked me in the face and said yes. That to me is such a disturbing thought that it truthfully turns me away from anything organized. No God who preaches peace would turn away those who are righteous because they don't praise his name. So I walk this path alone with the comfort that upon death I will return to the source and be in the light for as long as I wish.

At least you didn't have to deal with any real shotguns ;]. That is very sad to hear about what happened with your ex. And while the disorder may have had a strong pull on it, people also can be heartless. Do you have any fear that the disorder will be passed down to your children...if it even can (I'm ignorant on the matter). It's hard to comprehend people like your ex. I do feel sorry for him and those he has touched, but is it even his hown doing? How much control does he even have over his actions? Should he be locked away because of potential pain he can be caused? Or should he continue to be given help in hopes of a miracle. Sounds like you are were very strong thru it all, hopefully your kids are just as strong.

Aw. I'm sure when you are better you will go right back to spoiling them and giving them the treats they deserve ;]. Hopefully that day will come sooner rather than later. And I concur about living away from the unnatural light sources. The night sky is such an amazing view, but living so close to New York means the eastern sky is always masked by light. I still get the western beauty but it just doesn't seem like enough.

And you are not prying. Money saved and odd jobs here and there. I should clarify when I say I live simply, I mean it to the utmost degree. I don't have insurance nor do I own a car (but I will drive if needed, I just hate traffic and how people feel immune from courtesy when behind a wheel). I have a prepay phone and barely use it. I mostly use wifi and the internet for when I do communicate. Rent/utilities isn't much because I live with others. For food I rarely eat out or buy expensive (an extreme example is that I can regularly live off peanut butter and tune fish ((not mixed though lol)). Which is a pain for friends who would love for me to go out and eat with them more. I don't buy movies/music/games (more a product of the internet i suppose) and regardless I'm just as content to go to the library and read. Truthfully I find the companionship of humanity to be much more my speed. I've had more fun talking with you these last few nights then I ever would going out to a bar or watching movies. Not to say I'm not a movie/music buff ;]. The problem lies in people not usually understanding or accepting my simplicity...Plus I can be a loner, both naturally and purposefully. I just find it hard to talk to others about myself or my problems because others are likely faced with much more important issues. I'd rather hear your mind for hours then to tell you about my own. But I got off topic, the true reason why I'm not so concerned with a job at this very moment is that I feel like I'm at a moment in time where I must decide something. I feel I've lingered too long in one spot and I really need to decide what the next step is going to be. The winds of change are a blowing and I don't think it wise to be held down by grounded structure.

I can get like that admittedly. It's only strange because not a lot of others do it nor is a lot going on at night. How long have you been like this?

I've been this way since atleast 12. If I do fall asleep at a "normal" time its not until about 4-5am that I actually get any real sleep. I toss and turn a lot and wake up very easily until then. But usually I am dragging until evening and then I feel like I'm finally awake and the fog is lifted.

That's quite interesting. I've been the same way since about the same age minus the tossing and turning until recently. Do you have an ideas on what causes this as I'd truly love to get your perspective on this. Might shed some light on my own sleeping patterns.

Not a clue! I'm a very very busy mom and sometimes it feels like my brain is still going full speed processing everything that happened during the day. I figured my late hours were my way of winding down. I'm not on any type of medication or suffering from any type of illness. I've only had one episode of sleep paralysis ( hope to NEVER have another!)

Indeed, sleep paralysis is never fun lol. Though I don't think being a mom can account for this happening in your early teens ;]. Maybe some people are just naturally drawn towards the night. Or we might be vampires...

Good point! That's just how I've rationalized it now that Im older :) My daughter that is like this has AS, and I assume that she enjoys this time of night because the house is quiet and there is less stimulation.

What is AS, if you don't mind me asking. Regardless I can relate to wanting the quiet, peace and downgrading of stimuli provided by the night.

Hello, it's been nice to come home to your words the past week! I definitely do take time to process everything you say, to the fullest extent I am truly fascinated. I must admit I take a couple hours sometimes to fully take in your words. lol. This week has been a HUGE learning experience, in ways unexpected to me my life has greatly altered in the past few days alone!! I am SO stoked that you have been able to *teach* me lessons about issues that have been on my mind. Today at work, I thought of our talk the whole time. I have this little book called "The Lakota Way", it was assigned to me for a freshman orientation class but I never read it, and the chapter I read was "Truth"...here is a little passage I read while I was at work today: Sometimes truth is like the wind, you can't see it but you can see the effect that it has. Truth is also like sunrise and sunset. We see the sun come up over the eastern horizon in the morning and then disappear behind the western horizon in the evening. From the perspective of our on a spinning sphere, the sun appears to "rise" and "set." In reality, the sun does neither." Truth is what we make it to be if we choose to believe or choose not to believe;I'm glad I chose to believe this way, and I am glad you have been a *Big* part of it.

How great! 18 chickens and no farm?! hah that is awesome bless you for raising chickens! How awesome you love the outdoors too, I LOVE wilderness, but sadly I rarely get to do stuff like that anymore. You definitely are good at what you say you are, conflict resolution is definitely your type of thing! I am awed with how easy it is for me to open up certain things to you. That is a God given gift you have...
Your testimony is wonderful! I got chills throughout my body. You seized your God given opportunity to turn your dear death experience into His works and His love!!! Very inspiring for me to know :). Thanks for the story, compressed as it may be. I feel even more connected now because a near death experience triggered a whole new meaning of God for me and was one of the factors that proved God to me too. I too became helpless and humble, and in the arms of another. If it weren't for the love and care of my two friends, I wouldn't be here. I believe God worked in similar ways for us to find Him in a whole new meaning, the Truth :).

School today was real interesting, I actually stayed in the library and read my reading...I plan on going to the library tomorrow too, and the next. lol. School is a real big wake up call to my lazy side. I am prepared to take on my first school year with God, ever. I called my grandparents today too, to thank them for their card. I told my grandma I can "feel her love now, all the way from a different city." Because I truly can. I don't know what the plan is for me, but this week has been truly life-changing. God is my guide...

So, you have an upcoming surgery? On your back? How daunting, a back injury!! I will think of you when it comes to overcoming pain. What happened? Are you able to work or are stuck at home pretty much? Also, if I may, do you attend church?

Much love, many blessings, may you sleep well, dream well, and wake up well! Good night I shall speak to you soon :D.




Hello my friend <3

How was your day today? I'm sorry I didn't get to respond to you last night or sooner for that matter. Last night my computer kept crashing. I had to update Safari and ever since i've updated it i've had trouble and in addition every time I came here I would respond to a post and it would disappear, quite frustrating.

My near death experience has much more to tell, I really gave you a cliffs notes version ultimate! I did leave out one important part. I felt no fear. As they took me to the O.R. I knew my chances of surviving were grim to none. My hemoglobin was 6 and my hematocrit was 8! It was a miracle just to know that I had survived for two days before going into shock with levels that low. As I was about to be put under the anesthesiologist said "when you wake up you probably will still be on the vent, you will see what is going on but you'll be paralyzed from the medication". I knew that already, I knew it would take a miracle for me to survive. Being a nurse, I knew exactly what the tests meant and the fact I had gone into DIC made it even less likely that i'd pull through. So while I waited in the O.R. to be put under I began to pray and I said, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and they staff comfort me" then I continued by telling God that if it was my time to go that all I asked was that He took care of my son and made sure he stayed with my mom, not my ex husband. I also told Him that I wasn't ready to go but I understood if He wanted me in heaven. Everything went dark after that and I don't remember anything for about two days. My mom said that while she waited with our pastor and family in the waiting room she saw me clear as day walk out of the O.R., I looked at her, smiled and then she said I walked forward several steps and then turned and went back into the O.R. Needless to say, that was my spirit. My mom and I share the ability to see spirits and because of our connection, she was able to see me and I saw her while I was in spirit form when I smiled at her. She also said that several times while I was in the ICU she was praying fervently and felt a hand touch her shoulder and she would put her hand there thinking it was my dad but no one was there. I believe this was the hand of Jesus comforting her. Anyway, long story short, 7 units of blood, 8 days later and 16 pounds lighter I left the hospital and returned home to my son who was only 2 at the time. While in the hospital I was told that I could never conceive or carry another child to term due to the extensive surgery they performed on my abdomen. 4 months later I got pregnant with my daughter and carried her to term and....had her naturally.

She is my angel and her name is two fold. I named her Hannah first for my grandmothers grandmother who she never got to meet and my dads sister who died when she was less than a week old. Her name also has Biblical relevance though after the story of Hannah. In the book of Samuel you will find the story of Hannah. Hannah was a woman who was the second wife of a man but she could not bear children. Her husband had children with his other wife however he adored Hannah and treated her with much love despite her inability to give him children. Hannah desperately wanted a child so one day she went to the temple and prayed at the steps and told God that if He would give her a child she would vow to return that child to Him to be raised by the priests at the temple and that he would remain a Nazarite. God heard Hannah's fervent prayer that day and he bestowed upon her a son. She named him Samuel. She raised him until he was just weaned from her breast (still a very young toddler) and brought him to the temple where she handed him over to the priest just as she had promised God. She later went on to have 5 more children!

So, Hannah is my blessing. I was like Hannah in the book of Samuel, I fervently prayed and asked God to bless me with one more child. I prayed for a son and was delivered a daughter whom I adore and love with all my heart, equally just as I love my son.

I was a Christian prior to all this as I was raised in the church but just within the last 4 years my relationship with Christ has strengthened tremendously. He IS my rock and my salvation! I would be lost without Him. I put my faith in Him and He has yet to let me down. What I receive when I pray may not always be what I asked but He does always deliver what He knows is right for me.

What was the circumstance surrounding your experience if you don't mind my asking? You said you were with friends?

Yes, I do have an upcoming surgery. I hurt my back restraining a violent patient at work who had assaulted another patient. I actually ended up breaking two bones but it will be okay. I just need to get the surgery so life can go back to normal. It has sucked but I have to find faith that it is part of God's plan. It was a freaky thing to have happen in the manner it did. It's okay though, I try to stay positive about it as much as possible but there are days it gets the best of me. I've been off work for 10 months now waiting for the surgery. At this point, the sooner, the better for many reasons.

Yes, I do attend church. My kids love Sunday school and we go to a mega church of sorts. They have awesome music, a great minister and a great program for the kids. It's very family oriented. I was raised Methodist but go to a cross between a Baptist and Methodist church now. It's awesome, we are very blessed.

I am so glad you called your grandma! God is working in you in wonderful ways! How awesome! I bet she loved hearing form you. So she is in another city, are you away at college in a dorm or are you at home and they live elsewhere?

I am glad school is going so well! Studying is important! Don't slip on it. It may seem like it's easy to get some play time in and study later but once you are behind it's hard to get caught up, but you already know that because you are so close to graduating!!! YAY...okay, i'll get off my motherly rant <3

I hope today was blessed and that you had a good day.

Okay hun, I want to get this posted so you see it and I am going to tuck my babies in their beds. Hugs my friend


Hello once again my new, blessed, awesome friend! My day was very nice, thanks for asking. I got to school early and did like 3 hours of reading, then I went to class where I learned A LOT. I had a paper where I had to write things I have taken for granted because of my gender role in my family. Very interesting stuff! Today was very beautiful, the sunset has been phenomenal this past week...
I actually just got back from hanging with my two neighbors, the two who saved me actually, and we had binoculars and star-gazed. I haven't done that in years--through a binocular. Amazing. Also there's this hugeee star in the East what is that? haha beautiful stuff. anyway,
It is soo annoying when computer problems strike! lol I feel your pain.

Your story had my heart pumping! Your mother saw your spirit come out and smile?! WOW. That right there is TRUTH in it's highest form! 8 days, 16 pounds lighter....and STILL had the gift to have a beautiful daughter....praise the Lord! Thanks for giving me the story of Hannah, I remember learning that story in sunday school long ago. You definitely experienced what Hannah experienced. You gave your all to Him and understand that if it was your time, it was time, then God blessed you with SOOO many more rewards for giving your ALL to Him. I cannot express how much I revere your story. I shall never, ever forget it. In my times of darkness I will turn to God, and I will remember your story. Your daughter's story is breathtaking!! You are a sure strong woman! Keep up the positive thoughts about your back surgery! You sound very peaceful and humble about it, truly a strong aspect one must have to conquer obstacles! Your situation will be in my head tomorrow, and tonight, know my head will be filled with prayers and good vibes toward you. God will communicate my prayers to you I know it!

Thank you for your motherly rant, I learn something new each night 8)

Yes, my grandparents live in San Diego, where I was born. I now live in a town 4 hours north called Bakersfield. I live with my parents now but I plan on being moved out by the end of next year because I have been saving up a modest sum of money to move out, and they are most likely going to move back to San Diego. I go to school at California State University of Bakersfield. Lol, nothing to really brag about, not much of a "prestigious" school; a "small" commuter University. I LOVE it. The people are humble and I have met some great, beautiful people!...So I don't see my gparents too often, but I must say, my grandma feels like Christ incarnated when I am around her!!! I must see her again...soon! (and my gpa, he taught me humbleness, respect, and sacrifice; he is making my education possible. Such a long story bout these two. lol.

Anyway yea, I'll tell you what happened to me! With my two friends...it was a time when I was questioning God A LOT. It was ALSO actually the first week I ever got onto this website, back in April I believe, and this website opened me up to thinking about God in different ways. I want you to know also I was questioning God since December (when my grandma gave me a poem, and when I worked morning shift at work and I would observe nature). Everything is connected...no coincidence...anyway! After finding glp, I got in a talk with my family about God and stuff, and I remember saying something like "If I died tomorrow do you think I'd be in Hell?" I must admit something, my friend gave me something called preworkout, it really gets you pumped up and ready to work out, or play sports. I didn't know it was borderline meth. Understand I have never done a drug in my life (unless you consider pot a drug)...Sure enough, that night I went into cardiac arrest...or something! I was in the car with my buddies, and I had to get out cause I felt a pain I'd never experienced...so I got outta the car but everything started going black and I tried to get back in the car but I hit my head, passed out into the gutter and started convulsing!!! I don't remember *seeing* anything when I was passed out, but I remember thinking of God, and glp, and my past, and the conversation two nights before. I somehow got to my friends room, fell to the bed and started shaking, like convulsing for an hour straight. They took care of me, I drank a whole pack of water, gatorade, they ran to the store and got bananas lol. So all in all, they saved my life. Ever since, I have had a new *connection* with these two. I hang out with them a lot. I am my most self when we are together! This is the work of God. I've never told my parents either. That basically started my *awakening* and interpreting life in different ways. Since, SO MANY occurrences in my life have happened that are definitely NOT chance BUT God.

I hope you are resting peacefully right now. Remember you are in my thoughts and prayers! For any pain your back is causing, I am sending TWICE the love back! God will love you too.

I have a question for you, whats life like at the TrixieMama house? Are you a single parent? Your family sounds very strong. I'd like to hear about them one day.

Good night. Once again, I am inspired and FULL of love, joy, and happiness. Prayers and blessings my friend.

Trixie, I hope you're sleeping restfully tonight!!

Wish I had gone to bed sooner, now it might not be possible knowing the world just experienced 3 earthquakes over 6.0 within 50 minutes of each other.

Thread: Quakes detected (6.0 New Zealand, 6.2- Japan) AND NOW CUBA 6.0!

Hoping we don't need to put on our sneakers to escape from L.A.!! Praying a quake doesn't hit here or anywhere else for that matter!!

Good morning my friend <3

I am sorry I missed your post last night. I had a rough day and gave in early. I totally relate to being a night owl. I work nights as a nurse and it's always been easier for me to work/awake at night, seems to be my most productive time. I got injured at work though 10 months ago and have been off ever since and now insomnia has crept in and taken over. No bueno :) I too am a mommy. I have a 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. My son hasn't been diagnosed with AS but does display some symptoms. Has for a long time but his pedi think i'm nuts, she won't refer him out for an eval and it's not bad enough to where our local regional center would intervene. So we have some struggles of our own to deal with.

I hope that sleep found you last night and that you will come back tonight if it missed you. This thread has some quite relaxing qualities about it and i've found that when sleep eludes me the most I can come here, be relaxed and sometimes get a few hours sleep in. To my surprise the other night I slept all night after meeting with my new found friends <3

Have a blessed day and hope to see you here soon ;)

Good morning my dear <3 I hope this finds you happy, well and ready for the excitement the day may bring :)

I gave in last night and closed my computer. My back was really bad last night by 11pm PST. I could barely move without wanting to cry so I just closed my computer and found a comfortable position in my bed. I did have a dream last night. It was rather odd. What I remember was that I was at some sort os a picnic or something and there was a man who had a big firework that he was going to put off so everyone around went to see it. Usually professional fireworks are in big canisters but this one *firework* was in a small sd card the size of a credit card. Quite odd. Fast forward a bit and my cousin who is in the military arrives at the picnic and something happens, not sure what but next thing I find myself running to an elevator and ducking down. I didn't have a gun only a knife and the elevator next to me opens and there is a man there with a gun looking for me. He see's me in the glass across the hall standing in the elevator next to him just as the door close. I go up to the third floor and it's like a big mall, with ramps that go every which way and I believe there is an airport there. Funny thing is that this part is familiar like i've experienced it in a dream before. Anyway, I make my way through the crowd and twisting ramps/walkways to an elevator on the opposite end of the building. I go inside and crawl up into the emergency hatch on the ceiling and then proceed to climb the elevator tower. Another elevator comes on the opposite side of where I am and somehow I manage to get on top of it, jump through the hatch and take the man by surprise. Then I end up back at some military headquarters. Guess I was military ops? Not sure, never was in a uniform or anything but had special trained skills to track and capture. anyway, then the wake up alarm went off and here I am. LOL.

Thank you for respecting my belief system. I do respect yours as well. Everyone needs to believe in something and belief/faith is very personal. I honestly don't believe two people believe the exact same thing. So much is up for interpretation to a degree IMHO.

No, I didn't deal with real shotguns with my ex husband. I believe he can have some degree of control however when people suffer form things like he does they need to be medicated regularly and a key trait of bipolar disorder is that once they feel better they stop taking their meds because they feel invincible, they think they can control it so they stop their meds and then the cycle repeats.

So what do you think are the winds of change you are experiencing?

I need to cut this short, I have to take the kids to school. I wanted to at least respond in part though. I will be back in a few hours. Hugs and have an awesome day <3

I am very sorry that it's taken me this long to respond. I hope that your day was productive and free of the pain you were feeling. I am quite happy but I think that's because a great song just came on. Makes me want to dance <3. Oh I so enjoy dancing even if I don't have any formal training. Pretty sure the mind and body love it equal also. ;]

Your dream sounded absolutely amazing, like I wish I could have been a part of it because it is dream like that which make dreaming so much fun. Sounds like you weren't expecting such an explosion from such a small force, but there it was. After that it seemed like somebody was searching for you, and you for something else. But still even if it has no meaning, it sounded epic.

My dreams have been fuzzy the last few nights, not that I don't remember them but that they just don't stick out. Still I had 4 last night. The last one was some old friends and I talking on my porch, and it was decided that we would go smoke, but the care could only fit 5, and we had six. I was ready to sit out, but everyone squeezed in sitting on laps and it worked out. The one before it I was heading towards a gathering. It was 2 friends and I and we get there, my friend wants to roll up some marijuana, as he does the director of the experiment comes out, the girl helping him tried to hide it, but she saw right thru it. So they line us up with 7 others (including the director). She tells us captains will choose the team. Instinctively I think I'm going to be a captain lol. Anyway, she picks two of her people to be captain and the first selects the director, the next somebody else and then the first picks me. Not that I'm complaining, but I'd figured to be taken first lol. So we had to compete in tasks but the only one I really remember wasn't a task. The other team had rapiers and were kind of bullying in my friend, so I pick one up and challenged them. Wasn't so much of a fight as I disarmed the first quickly and the second swung at me but I caught it was my free hand (last thing you should do when facing a sword ;D) took it and defeated him. Then somebody threw a pie?plate of pasta? at him and it hit his face, he fell. The director then placed a piece of cake on his food covered face and I woke up. Such oddities. lol.

That's all I ask in life. I don't care if you believe in science, religion, a mix of both, neither. Whatever you believe just have respect for others while giving them compassion and love. It's such an easy thing to do, yet most seem to want to be confrontational.

Very wise point of view on bipolar. It's really a hard place to be in not being able to trust yourself even though everything in your mind is telling you to.

I'm not quite sure what these winds of change may be. Maybe a new scenery or a better focused attempt to better this world. I'm a big believe in letting it come to you, and once it does never letting it go. I don't think I will have to wait much longer <3

I hope you and your family had a wonderful day, sunshine. Hope to speak with you soon as I'm suffering from withdrawal ;].

Hello my friends :)

I haven't been on for a couple days so i'm sorry for not posting her sooner. I have had a hectic school week with my son and have been a little under the weather with a cold/flu so I haven't spent much time online TBH.

I hope everyone one is well. I am going to go back through and see if I missed any posts, if so i'm sorry :( I'm pretty under the weather tonight with this bug but i'll try to stay online for a bit tonight so I can catch up. Having a summer cold/flu stinks, LOL. My nose is bright red and my throat is killing me. *sigh*. Here's to hoping I can get some rest tonight <3

I've missed everyone <3

Sleep well :). You were in my thoughts today! I'll keep you in my prayers while you try and rest and feel better.

THanks my friend. I feel really, REALLY crummy right now. I guess we have managed to catch a summer flu. Not very fun at our house right now. I just wanted to check for new messages. I will check back later in the day. I keep my sign-on logged in 24/7 because I hate typing in passwords, LOL. But i'll check back here later. I'm off to go take some thera-flu. Hugs and thank you for the prayers, they are greatly appreciated and welcomed <3

you need to go on the gard diet,

eliminate all wheat, dairy, soy and corn from your diet,

you can not eat fast foods or packaged foods since they all contain soy in one way or another,

in one month your stomach will be healed and it will be producing the serotonin that you need to make melatonin (the sleep hormone),

the gard diet will heal your body and cure all your illnesses...

guaranteed,

I suffered from insomnia too,

I`m sleeping better at three weeks on the diet,

I take natural calm magnesium and some valerian tea at night for ralaxation,

the gard diet permits little salt and sugar,

but I cut them out for added punch!

Hello my friends!

I have been sick with the flu the past couple days and haven't spent much time on here. I hope everyone is well. Miss you all and hope sleep has found it's way to each of you <3 Hugs

Lol I check this thread every night now, our exchanges are very heart lifting!! It's that time of the year I suppose, I know quite a few friends who are feeling crummy! Blessings to you, friend. Sleep well and dream well. Much love and prayers are being sent to you as I type this and head to bed :).

Hello my friend :)

I'm sorry to have been away for so many days. I have had a horrible bout with allergies and the flu. Mix that with insomnia and it hasn't been pretty, LOL.
I still feel really crappy but can't sleep tonight so opted to get on here and make a few posts. I've really just been laying low the past couple days. I come and give out karma because I hate for the points to go to waste and then shut the compy down.

I didn't realize you were in CA. I am too :) Small world!

How is school going? Anything new? Did you talk to your mom yet?

Hope all is well. I've missed our conversations. Hugs to you my friend and hope you check back to see this...xoxo

Awesome, such a small world indeed. So cool we live in CA, I love it here. What part?
I miss our conversations too, but I know there are more to come. Thinking about our talks has really helped me deal with things lately.

School is going well, I never have worked this hard to do well in school. It's pretty overwhelming. All this added stress has been bad on me spiritually. I had a bad day yesterday, and kinda today. I've been real hard on myself and insecure for some reason. I haven't been talking to God or really living in His ways. I suppose I'm getting wrapped up in the way of the world lately because of school. It's hard to keep my mind occupied with school and God at the same time...in return I have been in grumpy moods and self-conscious in class. Weird! I'm trying Trixie, just it's so hard to approach school this way.

I almost talked to my mom...I have been too nervous still. My brother moved away to college on Saturday. It is so weird having one less person in this house. I know my mom needs me at a time like this...to show my love in God. Please keep this issue in your prayers for God keeps tempting me to talk to her but I am making the choice to wimp out!

I miss you my friend. Sorry about your misfortune with allergies and the flu! It is that time of the year. I pray for good sleep and no more insomnia!! If it makes you feel better, it is hard for me to fall asleep at a reasonable time too. lol.

What have you been up to during your sick time? Peace and love

Hello my friend! MUAH!!!!! So GOOD to hear from you <3

I have absolutely hated being sick. Saturday I stayed in bed literally all day long. I only got up to feed the chickens, feed my son and myself and the rest of the time was spent in bed. Thankfully my grandmother took my daughter Saturday night so I could rest. My son laid with me in my room and played video games and watched t.v. while I rested. I didn't sleep of course but did just lay there miserably exhausted. TBH, I didn't do much during those days I was not online much. I got online to check and try to post briefly and dole out my karma points on my karma thread i've had going since last month but other than that, just had pajama days and lazy days. As it should be when you are sick. I still don't feel really well but i'm better tonight. I've been online a lot tonight which has been nice. I've missed conversing with my friends here on GLP :)

I am so sorry it has been difficult the past couple days. I haven't made things much better by not being here to offer advice and to listen. I'm sorry hun.

Always remember this....the devil will always, ALWAYS try to get you off track. As soon as he see's you are dedicated to serving Jesus he is going to work overtime to see if he can make you slide. One of my favorite inspirational sayings is, "What the devil tries to use for evil LET God use for His glory!". There is power in that statement and when I get to feeling down and irritable, I try to remind myself of that.

And, the Bible is very clear that life as a Christian will be hard. We will face temptations and be persecuted for our faith. We will have trials and tribulations but the important thing is to stay grounded in our faith. When the weight of the world is on your back just give it to Jesus. Ask Him to carry some of your load for you and you will almost instantly feel lighter! I promise! All you ever have to have with God is faith the size of a mustard seed. You can move mountains with faith that small! Imagine what you can do when you put your entire faith in Him! WOW!

I am so glad that God is moving closer to talking to your mom. I agree that right now she probably needs you more than you know. Having your brother gone will be a transition and I know from a mothers perspective even just giving her a hug just because will help her to feel good/better.

You asked about where i'm at in CA, i'm in So Cal. I'm between L.A. and O.C. Born and raised in Cali!

I have missed you too my friend and i'm so sorry again for being offline for so long. I just needed those virtual sick days to recoup.

I prayed for you tonight when I read your post and will continue to pray for you. Growing up is hard. It's frustrating, it's overwhelming, it's painful and it's joyous. Slow down, enjoy this time you have being at home with your family and in school. Continue to read your Bible. Devote at least 20 minutes a day to reading your Bible and include prayers at that time too. Speak to God every chance you get. I often have little conversations with him, LOL. People probably think i'm talking to myself. My kids laugh at me because I talk out loud to him sometimes, especially when i'm frustrated!

God is SO good and He is with you every step of the way.

What happened at school that has you so frustrated? Maybe I can offer specific words of wisdom? LOL

Hugs....

So great to have a response from you tonight! I definitely was in need of some inspiration. Good for you that you have been taking it easy, having nice pj sick days. And it sounds like you have a loving family to help you out! SO great to know you have been feeling a little better :)

I will make an effort to listen to your advice! It has been real hard, and you're right on, I gotta talk to God more. My mind's been so clouded with a bunch of stuff and I've not been concentrating on Love, God! And you mentioned Christianity...I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian. My whole family considers themselves Christians but, I don't go to church and I don't converse with Christians too much besides my family. I believe and know God is true and in my heart, that Love is God, that He Loves us sooo much He continues to give us chances. But I don't call myself religious. I know it's a personal relationship. Basically I subscribe to The God in the Bible, but I also subscribe to the 'loony' viewpoints that are abundant on GLP! Lol, like aliens, and spirituality, souls, just stuff not really 'in' the Bible. Oh and also about the Bible, thanks for your advice. I need to read it more. I look at versus every once in a while on the internet and on glp, but I don't really read it :/. I shall make a conscientious effort, perhaps that's how I can start a convo with my mom!

I know your prayer for me tonight reached me :), for I had a real great night with some of my best friends. And the past two days have been hard like I said, so I feel a lot better, peaceful right now.

The thing about school is this...I never really have "tried" too hard when it comes to school. I honestly didn't really wanna go to college, but I have to bring joy to my grandparents mainly. Sacrifice...anyway I am just having trouble with the whole school thing. I always have slid by through high school, barely in college. So this year, I have tried harder than I EVER have and it's only been not even two weeks. There is a lot of reading and I feel like social life is draining already..lol. I am typically a confident person, in my personality and even looks, but this whole year so far I have been a bit shy in class. Weird, I just feel "different" now that I believe in God. I feel like I don't fit in, where in the past I always felt like I have.

So basically it's hard to be a follower of God, you are soo correct. I needed your words tonight!!!!

Sweet you live real close to me actually! Real small world, Cali raised too, born in San Diego, live in Bakersfield! 2 hours north of you, small world!

Well it's been good to talk to you again. Blessings, and MUCH love to you and overcoming your flu!! God is with you and so am I, in my prayers and God's answers :)

...


You are so sweet :)

Okay so i'm about to take my kiddo's to school but wanted to get you a quickie response in case you check this before school or at school to keep you motivated.

Sometimes we need to be "selfless". We need to learn to NOT be "selfish" and in turn we are successful at being "selfless". Being selfless is important because it helps you become humble and humility is something many people struggle with. To give of yourself with good spirit is an important quality and I think that is what you could be struggling with right now. You are feeling overwhelmed because you want to make your grandparents happy because you think it's the right thing to do because it's what they want. The key here is that you can NEVER make other people happy in life until you are happy yourself! You need to find some joy in school. Don't look at it like it's a task. Look at it is a challenge, a giant puzzle waiting to be solved with the ultimate prize of NO MORE school EVER in a year (unless you choose to go back to school that is). In turn, if you can find joy in what your doing it will overflow into what you are striving for, making your grandparents happy. And the best part, once you can find your own joy in school, it will overflow to your grandparents naturally and it won't be WORK. Does that make sense?

I gave up on trying to make others happy by doing what they wanted me to do a long, long time ago because all it did was make me unhappy. So, I began to understand that I needed to find joy for myself and in turn it makes everyone else happy.

School is exciting, it's overwhelming and it's frustrating all at the same time. No one is perfect, don't strive for perfection. If you have an expectation like that you will cause yourself distress. You go to school, do your best and everyone will be happy. All a parent or grandparent wants from their child is for them to do their best. Both of my kids have had speech delays so speech wise, they didn't develop the way other children did until they had a year of intensive speech therapy. That didn't cause me to love them any less or think any less of them. In fact, I loved them more because they did they're very best.

IDK if any of this will apply today but I wanted to leave you with something this morning. I hope it helps at least a little. If i'm way off accept my apologies. I'm tired this morning, LOL. Didn't sleep well at all.

Hugs to you, i'll check this tonight.