Austerity: Obama Announces Foodstamps to No Longer Cover Meat, Frozen Dinners, or Coffee

Insider political circles in Chicago this morning are talking of Obama's speech that he will be delivering early this morning - changes that he says will help balance the economy and bring us out of the economic depression. To the praise of conservatives, he will be creating new restrictions on the SNAP foodstamp program to no longer cover the purchase of animal products: including beef, chicken, lamb, fish - even eggs and cow's milk. Interesting enough, coffee will also be added to the restricted list of foods not covered by the program.

He will also lay out a new food pyramid, approved by the shadow government led by Rahm Emmanual and Richard Simmons, that omits meat, dairy, and eggs. At the top of the pyramid will be peas. Other items with prominence will be Soy Milk, tofu, and all sorts of fruits and veggies.

He will site correlations between animal products and obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and even behavioral violence as good rational science to support the elimination of these items from the FDA food pyramid and foodstamp program.

Conservatives will be pleased with these new austerity measures, as they believe that one must work if they want to enjoy luxuries such as steak and coffee. Conservatives will also be happy that there will be more of their staple diet source, red meat and sausage, available to them.