I am so tired of dealing.

Hey bro...

Sorry you're having a bad night.

Looks like a little more benzodiazepine withdrawal. Recurrence of symptoms is one of the nastiest aspects of withdrawal. Not sleeping too. I've been through that. Nasty stuff as you know.

I'm only 38, my whole family died of cancer too. I'll worry about it too. Slipped a disk in my L4/L5 and the pain was horrible; eventually I started worrying I have cancer, even though I knew I didn't.

You're going through it bro and I'm so sorry.

You have my love tonight

reality hits you hard bro

Dude, truly i Tell you that I feel exactly the same as you are maybe even far worse. I have cramps everywhere in my body. My heart hurts. My head hurts. Also eyes and other stuff

Everything you call i feel EXACTLY the same except you still have your emotions.. its like mine are all gone

Sorry to hear that.

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WOW! The nightly Analysis of possible medical conditions
has got to be worse than a real case of cancer..

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Unfortunately, bro has some real physical symptoms. I'd be scared if I was bleeding too.

Do realize that you're super strong; going through all that shit and still dealing.

I couldn't watch your benzo tape, I already knew it was hell. How long have you been off them? They absolutely create psychical symptoms for a while. It's a tricky nasty drug and the withdrawal creeps up in ways one doesn't notice till later. It makes one think X, Y and Z is going on, which feels very real at the time.

I'm glad you have some perspective though; to know things are bad, but others have it worse. That helps me get through.

Can't worry about cancer until a doctor tells you you have cancer. I understand the worry though, but please don't go there. It will just upset you for no reason.

A good day is right around the corner too.

Been off 2.5 years. Most of that is gone, some lingers. This issue is the issue that they blamed on being in my head. Truth is its a dysautonomia. I know that. Trick is to get well enough to get to other states for help. In the mean time this bleeding is not from that...so it just piles up.

I had to google dysautonomia, so I'm no expert.

It's terrible when people, especially doctors, tell you it's all in one's head.

From what I read, sounds like the benzos would make that worse after getting off.

Sorry you have to suffer, but trust yourself and keep pushing.

There are caring people out there.

I care and hope you feel better soon.

In my prayers to night.

Thanks for the bump.

Ok – Dude – my friend just told me yesterday about her mum’s colonoscopy (late 50s). She had blood and it was just a change of diet!

I have a quad friend too. And seriously he found a partner before I did. So few people would understand this, but socially my DEPRESSION crippled me more than my quad friend. That is sooooo pathetic, I know, but it is the truth. My quad friend was more socially adjusted than me.

You aren't pathetic. Just suffering.

nice song

I am so sorry you are suffering, my friend. I will keep you and positive thoughts around you in my heart and mind today. Love and light to you, always.

There is no way I could imagine (as of yet) what you have to deal with and how you deal with it.

I just want to say, my heart goes out to you. You seem as if you have incredible strength of character. There is always lessons in the darkest of depths. You'll understand and appreciate more than most and that is an uncompromising gift, cherish it.

OP.....

Get a program of recovery.

AA, NA, whatever works for you.

There are places to safely share your 'issues'. You Tube and this forum ARE NOT safe places.

Why would I need AA or NA? I am not addicted to anything. And it is to express myself to help others. I don't care if it is "safe"

you need someone to respond and inject thought into your mind.

your camera will not do this.

Dude, i once ejaculated blood. That hurt like hell. Quite often i poo blood. I dont care, when your times up your times up. Just a note, if the blood in your stool is red then you have nothing to worry about. When its dryed up a bit and in the middle of your stools then you can start to worry.

Why dont you buy a kick ass telescope, stick it out that window and on your next you tube video, provide us with underwoods astrology 101.

stay two steps ahead of your mind bro..

It was actually a clot of blood, but I like the telescope idea. Lots of people in my family die of colon and stomach cancers. It shook my nerves and will get a colonscopy. However I now want the telescope.

First of mate, I really feel for you.

I know that it is scary to be going through this however, do not panic or worry. I know that it is easier said than done.

I too have a history of colon cancer in my family. Three years ago, I was taking to bleeding everytime I went, and even when I was not going.

Cancer was my first thought.

I then went on to loss 6 stone in weight in less than 7 months.

I final gave in, could not deal with the pain any longer.

I went to hospital, I was admitted straight away. I had test done on my blood and the scope also done. It turns it that I was suffering from Crohns Disease.

Moral of the story get checked out and do not worry.

You have my love and prayers.

i found it very moving to see a video of such a young person present so many health problems.

something is certainly not right with your environment!

what medication do you take? how much time outdoors a day do you get?

what exercise do you do ?

and what do you eat / drink on a typical day?

be as desriptive as you can, maybe someone here will be able to spot the issues for you.