you know nine, and fly, and who ever else reads these posts. there are reasons i ask these questions. wanting yall to read the posts and give me your feed back. so part of me is still afraid, very afraid. secretly hoping maybe if i come across the right question, the right answer will be needed to be answered and i can ease my mind up a bit.
i have seen hell and I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ONE SECOND IN THAT UNBELIEVABLE BAD PLACE! not one second, so if i missed something, maybe someone else will point it out to me and help me save my own butt.
you it's being honest on this level that hurts me, if you see me having doubts then it hurts my credibility, i believe.
but my goal is and always has been the same. i want to spend forever in heaven and heaven only.
i read all of your reply's and take what most of you say to heart and give each and every post some real thought.
i would be one of the easiest guys to fool, remember what i said about that girl back in the 7th or 8th grade. the girl who said i was the smartest dumb guy she had ever met. it took me years to understand that statement. what she was saying was, i trust people far to easily, not understanding how the world works and is. she thought i didn't grasp people lied and cheated often in order to have self gain or to use me. she was right on some level. i am more willing to believe you, than hunt your lies. i want to see the world threw this type of mind set. i hope people would chose to tell the truth over lying. the fact is people will lie and cheat you as a way of doing business. in other words, lies, cheating, giving false statements is the norm.
i stood alone in my views on things and others seen right to my heart and used me regularly. they thought i didn't understand what i was doing and a lot of times i didn't. i figured if your getting over on me and i don't caught it, GOD would make you pay for what you did to me and you would pay at least 2 fold. so the fool wasn't me, it was you!
when i figured out someone was using me, i completed what i said i would do and waited for GOD to take his vengeance, then i would walk up to that person and say, next time think twice before using me, GOD don't take kindly to those who hurt and use others. what your seeing and living now, this pain is the result of your actions of the past few days or weeks, whatever the case was.
now you see how i didn't have many friends, people didn't want to hang with someone who willfully does the right thing and calls other on their actions and lies. this also applies to my family. i took the same approach with them and it put distance between us very early on in our lives.
ok people give me your feed back...