LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! | |
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Emerge~n~See User ID: 1086801 United States 09/28/2011 05:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! This thread is awesome ! Happy B-Day Astrochik ! Our Dolphin Bretheren bust out ! . <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> ~Instead of claiming the "mantle" of victimhood, seek to relieve the suffering around you and your own pain will diminish ~ <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 460535 Australia 09/28/2011 05:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Emerge~n~See User ID: 1086801 United States 09/28/2011 06:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Here's a song from a fellow Lady Libra ~ to chase away doom , focus on your favorite things ! /\ <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> ~Instead of claiming the "mantle" of victimhood, seek to relieve the suffering around you and your own pain will diminish ~ <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> |
oRbZ User ID: 2211755 United Kingdom 09/28/2011 06:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
bluefairywren User ID: 2209875 Australia 09/28/2011 06:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! My eldest daughter was front and centre for the birth of her sister. Nine months later, number one asked me this - "Mum, how did the first person push herself out of her own vagina?" At age four and a half. |
Moogs User ID: 2176368 Australia 09/28/2011 06:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! From a Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! From a Cat's Diary Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... Will keep you posted. |
Newliving User ID: 2212502 United Kingdom 09/28/2011 07:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Moogs User ID: 2176368 Australia 09/28/2011 07:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! [youtube] [link to youtu.be] |
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Funny User ID: 2211566 Switzerland 09/28/2011 07:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Old Lady Skydive [from www.metacafe.com] #1.wmv [link to www2.villa.ch] |
Funny User ID: 2211566 Switzerland 09/28/2011 07:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Old Lady Skydive [from www.metacafe.com] #1.wmv [link to www.youtube.com] |
Emerge~n~See User ID: 1086801 United States 09/28/2011 10:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! My eldest daughter was front and centre for the birth of her sister. Nine months later, number one asked me this - Quoting: bluefairywren "Mum, how did the first person push herself out of her own vagina?" At age four and a half. Wow, heh heh ! What did you answer ? <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> ~Instead of claiming the "mantle" of victimhood, seek to relieve the suffering around you and your own pain will diminish ~ <> * <> * <> * <8> * <> * <> * <> |
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Astrochik (OP) User ID: 1331439 United States 09/29/2011 12:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! More please... Thanks very much for all the funny stuff already posted... but...I'm a joke-junkie... Enough - is never enough!!! More more more!!!!!!!!! 26 Qualities That Make Man God-Like: 1: Fearlessness 2: purity of heart 3: Steadfastness 4: Almsgiving 5: Self-restraint 6: Religious rites 7: Right study of the scriptures 8: Self discipline 9: Straightforwardness 10: Noninjury 11: Truth 12: Absense of wrath 13: Renunciation 14: Peace 15: Absence of fault-finding and calumny 16: Compassion toward all beings 17: Noncovetousness, absence of greed 18: Gentleness 19: Modesty 20: Absence of restlessness 21: Radiance of character 22: Forgiveness 23: Patience or fortitude 24: Cleanness of body and purity of mind 25: Nonhatred 26: Lack of conceit |
Astrochik (OP) User ID: 1331439 United States 09/29/2011 01:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home." 26 Qualities That Make Man God-Like: 1: Fearlessness 2: purity of heart 3: Steadfastness 4: Almsgiving 5: Self-restraint 6: Religious rites 7: Right study of the scriptures 8: Self discipline 9: Straightforwardness 10: Noninjury 11: Truth 12: Absense of wrath 13: Renunciation 14: Peace 15: Absence of fault-finding and calumny 16: Compassion toward all beings 17: Noncovetousness, absence of greed 18: Gentleness 19: Modesty 20: Absence of restlessness 21: Radiance of character 22: Forgiveness 23: Patience or fortitude 24: Cleanness of body and purity of mind 25: Nonhatred 26: Lack of conceit |
Astrochik (OP) User ID: 1331439 United States 09/29/2011 01:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! One night, a cop was stalking out a rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on four different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The cop was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." 26 Qualities That Make Man God-Like: 1: Fearlessness 2: purity of heart 3: Steadfastness 4: Almsgiving 5: Self-restraint 6: Religious rites 7: Right study of the scriptures 8: Self discipline 9: Straightforwardness 10: Noninjury 11: Truth 12: Absense of wrath 13: Renunciation 14: Peace 15: Absence of fault-finding and calumny 16: Compassion toward all beings 17: Noncovetousness, absence of greed 18: Gentleness 19: Modesty 20: Absence of restlessness 21: Radiance of character 22: Forgiveness 23: Patience or fortitude 24: Cleanness of body and purity of mind 25: Nonhatred 26: Lack of conceit |
IRQ_1 User ID: 1157608 United States 09/29/2011 08:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home." Quoting: Astrochik Nice. Jack of all trades master of none "shall not be infringed." BLUE RIBBON AWARNESS FOR MENS' HEALTH Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. --ISAAC ASIMOV I never 'Ad hominem' I don't need to. The Constitution means everything or nothing. You can't have both. |
Astrochik (OP) User ID: 1331439 United States 09/29/2011 12:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Ready for more.... COme on MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!! 26 Qualities That Make Man God-Like: 1: Fearlessness 2: purity of heart 3: Steadfastness 4: Almsgiving 5: Self-restraint 6: Religious rites 7: Right study of the scriptures 8: Self discipline 9: Straightforwardness 10: Noninjury 11: Truth 12: Absense of wrath 13: Renunciation 14: Peace 15: Absence of fault-finding and calumny 16: Compassion toward all beings 17: Noncovetousness, absence of greed 18: Gentleness 19: Modesty 20: Absence of restlessness 21: Radiance of character 22: Forgiveness 23: Patience or fortitude 24: Cleanness of body and purity of mind 25: Nonhatred 26: Lack of conceit |
KnightsTemplar.TV User ID: 1280429 United States 09/29/2011 07:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Regards, Moe [link to GnosticWarrior.com] THERE IS A WAR FOR YOUR SOUL! [link to www.LoanSafe.org] FIGHTING BIG BANKS! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 513286 Australia 09/29/2011 07:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!! Kathy and her husband Bob went for counseling after 10 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Kathy went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 10 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Kathy to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow! Kathy shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?' Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf. |
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