Yep, I was a paramedic and firefighter for ten years. I still work with my volunteer FD although we do not roll out very often.

It's a terrible thing you've seen, however, if you were not related to them or close friends, do yourself a favor and don't dwell on it. It'll drive you nuts!

I know, I had a call with a small child that was the son of a high school acquaintance. The child died while I was working on him, one minute he was talking, crying for his mom, dead the next. Nothing I did, just catastrophic injury.

Please, talk to someone, take stock of your life, stay away from Uncle Pharma's happy pills, and then let it go.

Hugs and good feelings to you for trying to help.