Sleep Deprivation Training done on October 16-17, 2011
We have spent a lot of time forcing ourselves to produce energy, forcing it to go where we wanted it to go and do what we want it to do. And we've had only minor success that way. Sure, in the process we've built up that energy muscle quite a lot, but we still can't use it for anything practical. We aren't using it in the right way. Just like in martial arts we're making the fundamental mistake and being too tense. I did not get to that “snapped” state in that bully dream by forcing myself there, I got there by embracing the power I felt. I allowed it to do what it needed to do, not control it at every step. I needed to relax.
Reikara and I decided we'd try something new the other day to see if it'd help with our energy training, sleep deprivation. And boy oh boy did it ever work. I came up with the idea after noticing that everyone I work with on this always reports that their energy is at its highest when they wake up in the middle of the night all groggy. In some cases its because the energy is so strong that they wake up. In addition to that, I do know that energy is always going to flow better if you are calm and relaxed both mentally and physically. You can't get much more relaxed than being asleep right?
The problem is that if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're all groggy and can't concentrate very well. Even if you do take that opportunity to practice you're not going to be very effective. So what we needed was a way to get the best of both worlds. Be as relaxed as humanly possible while still remaining alert. Sleep deprivation.
Its something that you had to do for your black belt test in Taekwondo for the same reason. Before your test you go 24 hours without eating or sleeping, then take your test. And during the test you're still expected to perform like 3 times better than you normally would if you weren't fatigued like that. In that state your body is so exhausted that it simply cannot tense up. For every kick and punch the only muscles that will activate are the ones required to do the motions. Because of this your body does not fight against itself, and your power and endurance doubles or triples literally overnight. Once you remember how it feels to only use the required muscles you simply have to replicate that feeling during normal waking states to get that same effect. I believed the effect was the same for energy as well.
I would argue that Reikara had more success than me. From what she told me she actually managed to get a sparking ball of creamy white energy to form in her hands. Not only that but parts of her body involuntarily levitated without her realizing it. The only time she noticed was when she felt those parts touch down again. For her there was lots of visual and auditory proof, sparks in her aura, spirits manifesting and making floorboards creak as they walked on them. Partial involuntary levitation, oh and even that “fish in water” feeling I've described. She said her body felt very sensitive as she could feel stuff before it even touched her.
I on the other hand didn't try forming my energy into balls. All I was doing was constant meditation and trying to fly, and I damn near did levitate. I managed to totally negate gravity on my torso and try to sit up with nothing but energy alone. Although I did also have sparks in my aura I have trouble trusting any visual phenomena because my eyes are so bad. My left eye had the strange effect of putting a sparkly red filter on everything I saw with it, even though I was looking in pitch blackness it still did that. Odd warbles of creamy white light on my walls that could not have possibly come from outside considering my blinds were closed. I could hear things moving around on my desk, at one point something fell and made a bang. II now know that it was my candle snuffer.... which magically ended up on the floor despite being in the middle of my desk before I went to bed. Obviously nothing normal moved it.) Poltergeisty stuff that could've been from spirits but obviously was from something. As my meditation went deeper and deeper I'd get thrust out of it because something would creak loudly or move and it was obvious I wasn't the one doing it, by any normal means at least. My energy provided a constant breeze that I still failed to control perfectly. But I know that wasn't my best.
The most distinctive thing I remember is the feeling in my chest, where it was like everything was set free except this one stretchy mesh “cord” web thing that seemed to be tethered to my energy, keeping it from flowing at its maximum. It was the exact same feeling I had just before my energy snapped in that dream. I could just feel that I had more than this, that all I needed to do was snap that cord and everything would be set free. I wanted that feeling so I could remember it, yet I couldn't make it that hair further over the edge.
It was frustrating and exciting at the same time. Frustrating because it felt like I was so close and yet so far, exciting because the progress both Reikara and I are making is astounding. Even though we still react in amazement when things happen..... they are happening and we cannot deny that. We try treating these things as normal just like we do during projection, and its obvious that its paying off bit by bit. But truly the real training hasn't even started yet.
Even when my energy did snap in that dream it was still useless. It became so strong that the air around me began ionizing, giving me a bright blueish white aura. But even with something as visually spectacular as that I could still do as much with it as I can now, virtually nothing. Controlling that power is the real meat of this.
If I put a button in a wind tunnel and turned the fans on, how fast does the wind have to be going before it can push the button? Incredibly fast. But, I can just walk up to the button and poke it with my finger and it accomplishes the same thing. The power of the wind in the tunnel is all over the place, it not uniform and its not concentrated. So to overcome that you need to pump more and more power into the fans until the random pressure happens to be enough to push the button. I've explained that before.
In any case, the main difference between me in the dream and me during the training was definitely my emotional state. I snapped in the dream ultimately because of raw determination and willpower and a refusal to lose to those two arrogant narcissists. I got to a state where I didn't care... I didn't care about anything. It didn't matter to me that I was woefully outmatched, or that I could genuinely die in there, or anything like that. Really what drove me was them lording themselves over me like they were so much better than the “stupid gullible humans” like myself. All I wanted to do was rip apart that celestial bastard and see how divine and perfect he felt after I was done with him. In the process I broke his spine before killing him. Or rather, repelling him, I highly doubt they actually died from that.
It was that raw intensity that pushed me over the edge, and creating that feeling at will is.... not easy. But I will keep trying nonetheless.
Sigh, all this stuff must sound absolutely batshit crazy to Y'all, unless you are one of the few on here who actually understand my experiences because you've ha them yourself. It isn't something western cultures really think about. But I'm willing to bet stuff like this would be totally normal to talk about in some far eastern cultures. Oh well, I do hope that whoever reads this does get something useful out of it.