Exile...Everyone here is trying so hard to console you. It may not help as much as you would like because no one can imagine your pain right now, unless they have had the same experience. Right now your job is to hang in there the best you can. Cry with your son so he knows it's ok for him to cry too. Let him know that you are greatful to have him. He needs to hear that.

Cry with your son's mother too. Don't let her feel alone for even a moment and I hope she helps you in the same way.

My prayers are for you because I can feel your son is just fine. He moved right on and into the hands of God. People have a hard time understanding that it is the living who need our help. Those that passed on are doing great. My heart is heavy, but it's for your loss and grief. You son has no need for me to pray for his soul.....he is in a place where he is consumed with love, including yours.

As far as the fishing thing. I had a few years where I was upset that my father stopped doing neat things with me and blamed myself for being a girl among other thoughts. Many years later I realized my father never stopped doing things with me. I stopped doing them with him because I was growing up and sprouting my independant wings. It was such a relief to take the blame from him and realize it was never about anything he did. You did nothing wrong either...you only let your son begin living his life on his own.