I just don't know what to do. This isn't supposed to happen. Not this way...

My son was killed in a car accident yesterday. It is so painful to type these words, but I know there are good people on here and I really need all the help I can get right now.
One month away from his twentieth birthday, didn't even make it out of the teens...damnit it hurts, and I feel so bad for his brother, he has no other siblings.

I really thought I was through with the loss, I thought I had no more to lose...never thought this would happen, never even entertained the thought. I really believed I was making a comeback and things were starting to get better. Why this, why now???

I just returned from picking out caskets for him, believe me there is nothing more heart breaking to have to do...I still can not believe this is really happening. Family have been here fortunately but times like this when I am alone, gets pretty rough. One minute I am fine, the next you get knocked over by an overwhelming sense of grief or something...it really is too much to handle, I don't know what to do. I just wish i could go back in time and stop it from happening somehow...

I don't know what to say, but please, please just say a prayer for us...I really don't think I am coming back from this one....its hurts so damn bad knowing you will never see him again...He was my fishing buddy and we never made the time to go out this past summer. The missed moments are tearing me up right now, didn't know I could hurt this bad. i am usually tougher than this.

I love you buddy