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HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!

 
Gnome-Buster Needed
User ID: 1187832
United States
11/26/2011 12:54 PM
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HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
It's one of those garden gnome statues during the day, but at night I can hear it moving around. I hear this little tiny pitter-patter running through my neighbor's yard, and an evil little giggle. I've even seen its shadowy outline as it walked over to the fence and stared at me. It was about 1 ft tall.

I think it cut my brake lines once (twice actually), and it may be harassing my dog too. He hasn't been acting normal. I think it may have threatened him, or tried to seduce him.

When I lay down to go to sleep, I can hear it climbing onto the roof outside my window and then it taps on my window and does that evil giggle. And then today I awoke when I heard a tiny voice whisper my name in my ear. When I jumped up I saw a little man with a pointy red hat run out of my bedroom. He was laughing with that evil little giggle, and I think he stole my car keys, because I couldn't find them anywhere, but then I found them where they weren't supposed to be.

I'm afraid to go to work because I think he might be hiding in my car waiting to get me. I'm afraid that the evil little imp will be hiding in my back seat and pounce on me while I am driving.

I think he has it in for me. What if he tries to smother me in my sleep or steal my breath or something?

Does anyone know how to get rid of him? Does anyone else have any experience with vicious killer garden gnomes?

I live in amish country and I think maybe that little amish kid put a hex on the gnome and is making it harass me because I didn't have any money to buy the bread he was selling.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am at a loss as to what I should do to protect myself from the evil little killer garden gnome from hell.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5993002
Canada
11/26/2011 01:02 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Your post reads like a Steven King novel OP.

Maybe you should STOP going to work and stay home and write a book.

Could end up a best seller. =)
Anonymous Coward
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Canada
11/26/2011 01:12 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!


Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6057820
Germany
11/26/2011 01:16 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Don't worry he wants to harvest your tomato plants with your consent...you shouldn't have brought them inside on so many occasions...just saying
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1187832
United States
11/26/2011 01:24 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
I'm going to try setting a rat trap for him. What do garden gnomes like to eat? Tomatoes?

Gee, I hope if I use tomatoes I get him. If I miss I'll have one hell of a mess for nothing.
Mojofabulous

User ID: 1476210
United States
11/26/2011 01:26 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
someone has watched gnomeo and juliet on netflix recently.
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Earth Daughter

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11/26/2011 01:28 PM

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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!

"Arrows of hate have been shot at me too, but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever." - Albert Einstein
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6057820
Germany
11/26/2011 01:35 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
If you don't catch him he will have ketchup... who knows what other red liquidish substances he will crave afterwards...

I'm going to try setting a rat trap for him. What do garden gnomes like to eat? Tomatoes?

Gee, I hope if I use tomatoes I get him. If I miss I'll have one hell of a mess for nothing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1187832
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2595311
Canada
11/26/2011 01:50 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Don't kill the gnomes!!! Or you're in big trouble mister! The gnome won't hurt you if you leave him a saucer of honey milk and some sweet bread. You have me inspired I am going to write my next children's book about gnomes thanks OP!
Bowyn Aerrow

User ID: 1527778
United States
11/26/2011 06:07 PM

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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Cool story bro.....
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5151327
United States
11/26/2011 06:08 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Your post reads like a Steven King novel OP.

Maybe you should STOP going to work and stay home and write a book.

Could end up a best seller. =)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5993002


i was thinking movie script meself. but go long....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6043597
United Kingdom
11/26/2011 06:09 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Buy the gnome a round-the-world vacation ticket.

Gnomes love to go to hot vacation spots, get photographed and mail the pics back to you!
Da Purple Chicken

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11/26/2011 06:17 PM
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Re: HELP! I Think My Neighbor's Garden Gnome Is Trying To Get Me!!!
Is this him OP?



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Medium_Rare
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11/30/2013 05:20 AM
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