Quoting: Once4All I don't believe your pity party. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10978371 Quoting: Once4All
... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10978371
Cause I am alone and unknown to anyone.
I have about as much LOVE in my life as your average maggot does..NONE.
NO one gives a rats rear end about me..and if I died tomorrow NO one would give a shit.
All I have known all my life is BULLSHIT..and more BULLSHIT..backstabbed by friends..let down by a GOD who SAYS he loves me but does not do a damn thing to make it real.
Its all words..all I have ever had from anyone is words...its the actions I look for..the REAL love..not the mamby pamby "Jesus loves you" rubbish that is just more words.
I could tell YOU that I love YOU..but it would be meaningless because you are there..I am here..we would never meet..so my words mean NOTHING.
Its the same with God..HE is there..SURROUNDED by people and angels that LOVE HIM..its all well and good for him..he has it made..he is surrounded by friends and by love..
But for me..here..now in this pathetic shithole lonley life..I have NO one....so tell me..how are more WORDS going to make me beleive if all I have ever had is WORDS that have as yet failed to make me beleive?
How are you possibly going to find Love with that kind of attitude? I don't know what is 'blocking' you from finding God. Perhaps you need to forgive someone or even yourself. But, i can tell you this, God manifests Himself to the MEEK and the POOR IN SPIRIT. I'm not hearing either one of those from you. Humble yourself before God and He will lift you up. Placing demands on Him won't do it!
I am not DEMANDING anything..just asking for what is a natural huamn thing..to be LOVED..and to KNOW I am loved..not just told from some parrot..or book.
Is LOVE too much to ask for?
I used to be so soft..so gentle...so poor in spirit like you said..
But years have passed..all I DID have in my life that HAD any love vanished one by one...
IT HURTS..especially for a soft hearted person like me..
So am I to be CONDEMNED because I HURT??...cause I just want to be LOVED??
Time keeps ticking..soon will tick the final seconds of what has turned out for ME to be a complte waste of a life..
I started out so well..so full of hope and joy and..well..its all gone...nothing left now but death..and an empty shell of what ONCE was a vibrant hope filled very much alive man..
What happenned to me??..where did my heart go?
Where did life go?
What was it all about anyway?
If you were meek and sought God wholeheartedly you would find Him. End of story.
How can you search for God wholeheartedly when you dont have a WHOLE HEART?
What does it mean anyway??
Ive heard it so often..ive tried to do it..I spent years searching..looking...wondering...and ive come to the conclusion that I must have missed something along the way..IF there was something to be found then by now I SHOULD have found it.
How does one look for God wholeheartedly as YOU describe it?
I might have been taught wrong..I MUST have been taught wrong..because after over 40 years of journey..I have not found yet.
Seen glimpses..a few false hopes..mirages in the desert...but still no closer to when I set out to find.
Have I been going in circles then?
..following WORDS..that only lead to more emptyness?
Thats why at this stage of my life ive had enough...I have looked long and far...and found nothing but more words..more books..more doctrines..more CRAP..all meaningless.
I have looked up all my life asking WHERE..WHY?..HOW?
But silence reigns..
People talk about a PERSONAL encounter...thats all well and good if you have actually HAD one.
The last time I felt anything was over 30 years ago....and I was young and impressionable and blinly beleived whatever bullshit I was told..and blindly felt whatever THEy wanted me to feel.
So how does one find the answer among so many confusing and contradictory paths?
Seek and you shall find...
But ehere was no time limit on that...do I have to search another 30 years..not that I have that long..to finally FIND what it is I am looking for?
LOVE?..thats all..just love...
But all I find is more...emptiness.