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Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7991622
United States
02/06/2012 09:07 PM
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Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
(continue the conversation/thread...feel free to join in as long as its wierd)

So the other day I was talking to my can opener. You remember the one right? the one with the fuzzy bunny ears...
olag
User ID: 1250843
Iceland
02/06/2012 09:14 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
euh what was that blast.

it felt nice and who stopped or controled it.

and since i have it boring eh is there a video of it.

beated the toe nail thats for sure!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 7991622
United States
02/06/2012 09:33 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Interesting...but what about the bananas?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9990514
United States
02/06/2012 09:38 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
we had to peel out of the parking lot...
rosie80

User ID: 10280110
United States
02/06/2012 10:05 PM

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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
My potato peeler has googly eyes .. makes me feel good he seems to look at me while we conversate ..
.... 22426221213 ....
TheHandySheriff

User ID: 8597527
United States
02/06/2012 10:30 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
But did you take out the garbage? I always told ya a clean house is the way jesus would have wanted it for you, Clyde
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10303690
United States
02/06/2012 11:00 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Nope forgot thanx for the reminder trash day on tuesday now
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1506317
Canada
02/06/2012 11:03 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Jesus was able to turn garbage into compost! That was one of the many miracles he performed. He ate garbage; just gobbled it up and out he shat pure 'black gold'!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9569103
Denmark
02/06/2012 11:06 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
euh what was that blast.

it felt nice and who stopped or controled it.

and since i have it boring eh is there a video of it.

beated the toe nail thats for sure!
 Quoting: olag 1250843


ah? allmost oloaf eh..?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9990514
United States
02/07/2012 12:23 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
meatloaf,,, i think i'll make meatloaf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9441965
Australia
02/07/2012 03:05 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
No way man no way, im not gonna go with this at all, I LOVE my potato peeler, I call her "Jenny" only cause she didnt come with a name, which is sad, so sad, LEAVE HER ALONE! I had to clean out the utensils draw, and Im talking ETHNIC FUCKING CLEANSING here, I heard them, plotting, they WERE, AGAINST her, I had to do SOMETHING? I couldnt just stand there listening to their hurtful words, the wisperings, it was getting to me, I couldnt stop myself, I was in automaton, I just grabbed them out one by one, and crushed them with my anger and my hammer, first to go was of course my OLD peeler, little prick was allways going on and on about being "washed up" and not "used" anymore, well, there is only so much a man can take, know what I mean? besides he was a just getting so blatantly jealous, doing stupid things like burying HER down amongst the garlic crushers and my collection of spoons, so I said ENOUGH! BAM!! so yeah he was the first, but not the last NO! good ol cheese grater, oh yeah, real good mate he turned out to be...

I never knew that cheese graters could be sooo coniving, so deperatly selfcentred and just full of spite.
I asked him WHY? ya know what he said? Just before I oft him, I HAD to ya know, he said he didnt like purple?
PURPLE? Well that did it that did, if he cant tell the difference between purple and mauve by now, well, and whats the deal with colour huh? got a problem have ya? well BAM BAM! BAM! take that MOFO! got a problem now huh?

didnt think so...

Im not gonna tell you all about "Freda" my old apple corer, its just too emotional for me right now, I mean I used to LOVE her ya know? but well, after all the time weve been togeather, I guess we just grew apart, ya know? we just didnt talk any more. She just became all sullen and depressed, and just sought of sat there by herself, all withdrawn like. I suppose at the time I knew what had to be done, but, well I still miss her, ya know?

Its all right now of course Ive got Jenny,

Dont mention this out loud, but I spotted this really cute little pair of wooden salad spoons the other day, we stopped for a chat and before you know it, BAM! there we were getting a room for an hour!! I was like OHMYGOD!!!
talk about surreal, ya know? I mean if one wasnt enough to satisfy my directions, TWO!, I mean TWO! like twins!! talk about my wildest dreams!!

Course it wasnt going to last, I allready knew it from the start so I steeled myself and tried to keep my heart out of it, after all, they were hoe's, Black ones too, not that Ive got any problems with a bit of colour, lord no!, its just my mother, she's a bit, um, "old fashioned" if ya know what I mean.But shhhh! dont tell Jenny, I can tell shes getting pretty attached to me allready, and its only been a week, shes pretty sharp too! we really get along.

Course shes really starting to cost me a bit in potatoes, like BAGS of them! Still thats what loves all about isnt it? giving and taking, ya know?

I gotta go pet my hired toaster is going off about wages and hours again, fuckesake, I cant understand a single word she's saying, stupid me for hiring from overseas ya know?
I should have kept it domestic, but you know how it is with quality these days, oh and man oh man she REALLY knows how to cook toast, I gotta give her that I suppose.

Till next week love well talk then, bye.......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10349142
United States
02/07/2012 05:28 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
that's exactly whyt I built an oflergruubent, resplendant but not too imposing

wimple said the funding was effervescent?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 7991622
United States
02/07/2012 06:22 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
I heart armadillos.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 926633
United States
02/07/2012 06:23 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
The cheese grater will not shut the fuck up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10349142
United States
02/07/2012 07:21 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Maybe you should confront it with some bacon zest. Worked for my carbeurator.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9441965
Australia
02/07/2012 11:29 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Wait a minute, I dont get it...............


I give it, take it, want it, throw it, shove it, push it, tickle it, kiss it, FONDLE it, shake it, bash it, smash it, CARESS it,




BUT I JUST DONT GET IT..............
WTF
User ID: 5263043
United States
02/07/2012 11:45 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10358515
Australia
02/07/2012 11:51 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
My hovercraft is full of eels
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9845932
United States
02/07/2012 11:53 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
There is way too much sausage in here for me to focus. I can hear the carrots complaining, they don't like sitting next to the celery because they feel fat, not to mention the steak is crying because I burned it. The oven is screaming for them all to shut the hell up. The dog is walking on the ceiling and refuses to come down. I feel that all this would stop if I had some paint.
Rockarchy
Senior Forum ROCKER

User ID: 4109611
United States
02/07/2012 11:54 PM

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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
But what about the penguins? The president suggested to bring forth, not equivocating forthwith but unacknowledged the right to murder your own hand. How could you eat donuts?

Last Edited by Rockarchy on 02/08/2012 12:16 AM
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 915681
United States
02/08/2012 01:56 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Periwhile thenst nonable everwig, also to command as cheese chitlins. Brunschwauser argued in the "Frumbleton Report" (squagwire & co, 1911) descripting in a reasonable permutation [*advance citation decline] prenimbe, derogous, proclative, perhaps squiggy.

z) Contain with 5 parts of twelve one half of an egg, fossilize slowly, add primble juice.

y) slowly dissolve entire mixture into any handy amorphous solid

x) dance naked under the moon, balancing a toothpick vertically upon your forehead

She pleaded with me never to try this, oh how I wish I had taken her advice.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10006246
United States
02/08/2012 02:25 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
The microwave keeps telling me to push the button. Can you believe the nerve? who does the microwave think she is? she can tell me what to do!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 915681
United States
02/08/2012 02:46 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
I swear it was a full can of coffee, but when we got back from our vacation there was nothing there but bug hulls, a full coffee can of them. I had no choice but to make the coffe from the bug hulls, cosidering the bug hulls were made from the coffee.

Any way to make a long story short, no one could tell the difference!

Over a trillion gnats and you can't find one that agrees with you? That means something.
Esoteric Morgan
...in awe of many things

User ID: 3539589
United States
02/08/2012 02:54 AM

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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
Um, excuse me, but, I am the international director of the Counsel for Utensil Rights.

It appears that there this thread contains some gross allegations--nay, admissions-- of a variety of very grievous violations against utensils, including: rape; incest; adultery; sex trafficing; physical and emotional abuse, including intent to kill, and, premeditated MURDER. Hopefully, none of your hard drives contain any utensil porn, now that Sally Turkey Baster's Law has been passed. You know, we have zero tolerance for utensil porn...it's a particularly sad, disgusting, depraved hobby, which we intend to eradicate from this planet.

I am going to have to seize this thread, and, take all of you in for questioning.

Come on now. Line up over there against that wall, single file please.

You there. Yes you, what's that in your pocket? Come on, out with it. Officer Johnson, please retrieve that salad spoon from Mr. O.

Order! Order! People, are you all mad? You seem to think that is all some kind of joke.

Officer Pansy, please seize this thread.

agent
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/08/2012 02:55 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
[link to www.youtube.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 915681
United States
02/08/2012 03:03 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
It's the spatulas. The spatulas have been causing all of the utensil tension utilising tensile tensive tenacious tendencies.

Through decietful manipulation, clever orchestration and spatial disambiguation spatulas displace the elation substituting frustration coupled with blatent antidisestablishmentation.

Officer, arrest that spatula!
Esoteric Morgan
...in awe of many things

User ID: 3539589
United States
02/08/2012 03:16 AM

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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
It's the spatulas. The spatulas have been causing all of the utensil tension utilising tensile tensive tenacious tendencies.

Through decietful manipulation, clever orchestration and spatial disambiguation spatulas displace the elation substituting frustration coupled with blatent antidisestablishmentation.

Officer, arrest that spatula!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 915681


Oh, there you go, blaming it all on the spatulas. Always the spatula's fault, is it now?

Utensil bigot. We'll have none of that now.

Are you a shill for the MULA, the Man Utensil Love Association? Got your constabulary in their pockets, have they now. Well, that's a violation of Article 99.75, Section 1, of the Utensil Code Enforcement Act.

You're all coming in, too. Hopefully, for your sake, Judge Fryer is not presiding tonight.

Last Edited by Esoteric Morgan on 02/08/2012 03:17 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1408355
Australia
02/08/2012 03:18 AM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
5 Star thread. The best thread ever.

Finally the real conspiricy is uncovered.

The utensils are the NWO and out to destry us. WTF?

I see the police are helping the little shytes too.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 915681
United States
02/08/2012 12:24 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
I bark at your french fries.
t3h3nd15n34r

User ID: 1339442
United States
02/08/2012 12:26 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
My french fries waffled over the tree sap.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 915681
United States
02/08/2012 12:40 PM
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Re: Official WTF thread: The wierdest conversation ever,,,
My tree sap took a cat nap in hackensack.

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