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Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!

 
Much Wiser Now
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User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 08:56 PM
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Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
I have been with my husband for 12 years. Our children have always caused issues but we worked through it. I have two children now 22 and 20 they have moved out and are doing thier own thing. He has two children 22 and 18 they still live with us the 22 year old works to earn play money but nothing more! He does nothing to help at home. The 18 year old is now a 4th year 9th grader and only cares about herself and her girlfriend yep girlfriend! We have a 10 year old together that just told me that her dad only loves them and wants them to leave!

I kept thinking things would get better as they got older but I think it is getting worse.

I have threatened to leave but I love my husband and my daughter loves her father so it makes this so hard!

Any advice?
BoboTheHobo

User ID: 10519536
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02/12/2012 09:01 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Sounds like you need to talk to your hubby. Step-children can be a touchy subject (I have step kids too) depending on the parent. For the 4th yr freshman in HS I'd recommend having her get her GED. Do you discipline the children as a team or is it all him? And don't threaten to leave and not follow through. This sounds like something that can be worked through though.

Last Edited by BoboTheHobo on 02/12/2012 09:02 PM
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until eventually they know everything about nothing ~ Anonymous
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
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02/12/2012 09:07 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
All of the discipline was on me for a long time because thier mother was not in the picture she came back in about 4 years ago and I lost all control of them. He has never been one to issue discipline on them the others yes but not them!

They do as they please and it is driving me crazy! I do not want my Daughter growing up acting this way but I keep getting the response from her that they don't have to do anything why do I? And when I tried to leave she went into a total melt down and begged me to stay that she loved her daddy

Last Edited by Much Wiser Now on 02/12/2012 09:09 PM
DasDoomAss

User ID: 10675436
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02/12/2012 09:10 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Kick them and the hubby out and live your life without the drama!!
Dig deeper for the end is nigh.

On second thought, fuck digging, just find a sink hole!!!
Nine's

User ID: 8675005
United States
02/12/2012 09:10 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Sounds like a tough situation. Has your daughter ever talked to her Dad about it and told him how she feels?
Anonymous Coward
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02/12/2012 09:11 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Get Mad
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8446988
United States
02/12/2012 09:13 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Put down some rules, GED for the 9th grader, the 22 yr old can go live with his mom and for that matter same with the 9th grader if they dont want to be productive members of the household.
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 09:13 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
She has spoken to him but his answer is he will pick up the slack of them doing nothing. That does not help anything. I want our child to be responciable not a lazy person.

As for kicking everyone out. I wish it were only that easy
Anonymous Coward
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02/12/2012 09:15 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
Kick their asses out. What is wrong with you. 18 years old is time to fly. They should want to leave. If not then they have some character problems. Give them a long list of chores and rent due each month.
Anonymous Coward
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02/12/2012 09:16 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
Anonymous Coward
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02/12/2012 09:16 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
BoboTheHobo

User ID: 10519536
United States
02/12/2012 09:20 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
All of the discipline was on me for a long time because thier mother was not in the picture she came back in about 4 years ago and I lost all control of them. He has never been one to issue discipline on them the others yes but not them!
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


This is the problem. He needs to step up here. Also step up your efforts. When you hear "you aren't my mom" always respond with "you're right but I am your parent and while you live in this house you live under your father's an my rules". This will require him supporting you though. You can re-gain power. Just talk to your husband and do not under any circumstances include the kids in your marital issues. Sounds like you need family counseling.
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until eventually they know everything about nothing ~ Anonymous
Nine's

User ID: 8675005
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02/12/2012 09:20 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
She has spoken to him but his answer is he will pick up the slack of them doing nothing.
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


Wow. No words of wisdom but hope you guys work something out. Has to be a whole lot of stress for everyone.
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 09:22 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8446988
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02/12/2012 09:24 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8446988
United States
02/12/2012 09:25 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


One other thing my husband had no problem doling out the crap to my kids, it was only his kids he had the problems putting the hammer down on. I just started treating his kids the same way he treated mine. It works in more ways than one.
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 09:25 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Thank you for that response. I needed to hear that!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8446988
United States
02/12/2012 09:27 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Thank you for that response. I needed to hear that!
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


No problem, being a step parent is hard.
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 09:27 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
My guess is that your bio kids moved out cause they were tired of the drama and shit. Dont make living at your home a picnic for them, ride their asses and soon they will follow suit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


One other thing my husband had no problem doling out the crap to my kids, it was only his kids he had the problems putting the hammer down on. I just started treating his kids the same way he treated mine. It works in more ways than one.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


I am to this point! And think it may be the way I need to go.
Much Wiser Now (OP)

User ID: 2733412
United States
02/12/2012 09:28 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
...


I thought about doing this but wondered if it would be wrong on my part? You know lowering myself to thier level. And yes my children moved due to the drama
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Thank you for that response. I needed to hear that!
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


No problem, being a step parent is hard.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Yes it is hard but I am willing to fight! I love my husband and pray for the day things can be normal
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8446988
United States
02/12/2012 09:31 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
...


I've been there believe me. My two children and his two. Yea I wondered that too about stooping to their level but an older but wiser woman told me..DO IT cause thats the only level they understand. She was right!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Thank you for that response. I needed to hear that!
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


No problem, being a step parent is hard.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8446988


Yes it is hard but I am willing to fight! I love my husband and pray for the day things can be normal
 Quoting: Much Wiser Now


I'm still with my husband, I love him too but I couldnt deal with the crap, it was either do this or I was gonna have to go myself. I admit it took him a bit to get on board, but he finally did. I dont care if I had to be a hard ass, what ever works. Life is alot better now.
Anonymous Coward
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New Zealand
02/12/2012 09:46 PM
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Re: Step kids are killing me!!! I thought things would get better but it's not!
you have to get rid of them

kick them out

if he is too wishy washy to handle it, handle it for him

give them 2 weeks to find somewhere else to go

if need be, sell up and YOU move and don't let them come

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