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98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This

 
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2012 12:48 AM
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98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This

Do you have a chronic degenerative disease? If so, have you been told, "It's all from what you eat?"

Well, that might not be that far from the truth… the root cause of your illness may be associated with your meals.

There is something that nearly eveyone will tell you is completely safe, despite the fact that scientists have been warning of its dangers for more than 100 years.

Every day in the United States alone, 41,000 of these are sold to those who believe they are safely and permanently fixing their problem.

What is it?

Dining Room Furniture.

Yes, 98% of terminally ill cancer patients possessed at least one piece of dining room furniture.

Story at-a-glance
During constructing Ikea furniture, there is avoid the stress of understanding the instructions can cause deplete immunity against dangerous cancer-causing bacteria which are unreachable with antibiotics

Stripped pine furniture harbors bacteria in the sap that morph into very toxic forms, whilst stress can migrate to other Ikea furniture that you try to assemble in your apartment and cause serious medical stress, including diseases of your heart, kidneys, bones, and brain
The human body was never designed to cope with the stress of assembling Ikea, because it triggers your immune system to collapse through the stress levels
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2012 12:50 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Hahahaha! Five stars, OP! Great thread. Fuck Phennommenut and her bullshit.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2012 12:52 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
I can top that. I can give you a product that 100% of folks who died of cancer ingested. Dihydrogen oxide. And even more shocking is that everyone alive today, healthy or not consumes copius amounts of this chemical daily. Where is the FDA and honest scientists when you need them
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2012 12:54 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
5a
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 01:31 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
yoda
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 02:14 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
hiding
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2012 02:16 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
It's 97%. You might as well throw in the Dr. Mercola article that was on the post pinned earlier today.
snarky74

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02/20/2012 02:26 AM

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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Well I've got a dining room table with 6 chairs and a bench.
What are my chances for survival?

Should I get rid of my dining room furniture or is it too late?

What would Dr. Mercola say?
Married, kids, etc.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 02:39 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Most certainly ditch it!

Best switch to pizza's and chicken wings in a nice fatty sauce which can be delivered, or, better still just go out for a safe diet of Big Mac, fries and a Coke.
fringe

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02/20/2012 02:41 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
98% of people who have had heart attacks had hair cuts .whats your point do you believe EVERYTHING you read.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 02:43 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Just goes to prove it!

Once people gain some form of "gentrification" and feel as if they are going up in the world by buying a piece of furniture for the dining room, it remins them to look smrt and get a hair cut.
CharlieMurphy
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02/20/2012 02:45 AM

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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Dining room furniture...

I was so excited when I saw this, but then...

Dining room furniture? Are you high? Took a look around the room to gain inspiration and saw your moms dining room table?
Fuck Yea!
CharlieMurphy
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02/20/2012 02:48 AM

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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Like for real OP, you had the world...by the balls...ready to pluck your parody right out and place it in this thread...

And you chose dining room furniture...

Humor no longer lives in this thread
Fuck Yea!
Possum

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02/20/2012 02:49 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
LOL!


I give you the

Jesus GLP Effect



this will stop all future illness from dining room furniture!
There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.
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Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either.
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The kingdom of God is within you and all around you. It is not within buildings of wood or stone. Split a piece of wood and you will find me. Look beneath a stone and I am there.
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TOWER44

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02/20/2012 03:22 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
Like for real OP, you had the world...by the balls...ready to pluck your parody right out and place it in this thread...

And you chose dining room furniture...

Humor no longer lives in this thread
 Quoting: CharlieMurphy


Its not just about dining room furniture. If you've ever owned furniture from IKEA and had to assemble it yourself you completly understand the humor.

I don't buy anything from IKEA thats has more than one part to it. For every piece of furniture i've bought from IKEA, I lost another piece I already had by throwing it across the room or smashing it to the ground. It really can bring out the worst in you.

but you're right though, it did hit a low point and I was let down by "dining room furniture" but I'm glad I kept reading.
ummm.. Hello.. Goodbye.. Tell your friends !
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 09:58 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
cool2
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 11:17 AM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
bump
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/20/2012 05:18 PM
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Re: 98% of Termina11y Ill Cancer Victims Previously Had This
banana2

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