Only in death will one know. But it is not about death, It surprised me to find only in the events of my death was pain. Not physical pain but a yearning to survive love live experience. The yearning made me think about the totality of my life, and cause a pain so great it caused direction change.

The events changed me, changed me as a individual person and also on a level of understanding of what we as humans are capable of.



Then bang several days later i woke with a half a dozen chest tubes. then the pain physical pain, that is when i knew i was alive.