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Deciding NOT to have children....

 
Conflicted
User ID: 1457789
Canada
03/13/2012 02:11 AM
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Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth. Also, this world is so messed up...is it fair to bring new life into an existence where day-to-dayn survival is so frickin' hard? I think not. Not to mention kids are so expensive.

But as soon as I finish listing the valid reasons above NOT to have kids, I wonder if I will regret not having an family once I'm on my death bed.

Can life still be happy and fulfilling without having children? Can old age still be secure and enriching without children and grandchildren?

I'm so conflicted.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11475650
Australia
03/13/2012 02:13 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11475650
Australia
03/13/2012 02:14 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Can life still be happy and fulfilling without having children?
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


Are you kidding me? lmao
Take it from me it will be 10 times better!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1457789
Canada
03/13/2012 02:17 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


I am scared of bring pregnant (the thought freaks me out---I find nothing appealing about it whatsoever)

Also, I am scared of the process of giving birth and everything that could go wrong.

Furthermore, I'm scared to have a child only to find out I have no feeling for it, and regret my decision but it's too late.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2721566
Canada
03/13/2012 02:19 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Well, just live a single life then...
Children of the Atom

User ID: 8307936
United States
03/13/2012 02:22 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


She'll be locked in the... you know. It's serious business making a family.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8050547
United States
03/13/2012 02:25 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


I am scared of bring pregnant (the thought freaks me out---I find nothing appealing about it whatsoever)

Also, I am scared of the process of giving birth and everything that could go wrong.

Furthermore, I'm scared to have a child only to find out I have no feeling for it, and regret my decision but it's too late.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1457789


I never wanted to have children but once I saw my niece when she was a newborn, I started having second thoughts. Still, my desire to have children wasn't strong. My best friend new from when she was young that she wanted to have 4 boys. For me that was not the case. I have one child because, yes it hurt...and yes something went wrong with the delivery but we both survived and yes..it is freakin' hard to be a parent but my child has brought me so much joy that I don't even remember the bad stuff. It is a lifetime commitment and your child may not end up anything like you thought they would and so you have to really, really, ask yourself if it's something you want. I think that people can pretty much adjust to any situation and so if you find yourself being a parent and you hate it, the world won't end. You'll just have to be less selfish and more patient. My child has taught me so much and I have grown as a person because of her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1292689
United States
03/13/2012 02:27 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
I always said if I didn't have any children by a certain age I would adopt or become a foster parent. Lots of kids out there who need a parent and around here you don't have to be married to become a foster parent.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12417450
United States
03/13/2012 02:43 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


I am scared of bring pregnant (the thought freaks me out---I find nothing appealing about it whatsoever)

Also, I am scared of the process of giving birth and everything that could go wrong.

Furthermore, I'm scared to have a child only to find out I have no feeling for it, and regret my decision but it's too late.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1457789


OOh please! Epidurals have you cracking jokes moments before birth! The healing afterward is the most difficult part, and you don't care because you have a beautiful child in your arms. You memorize their face, looking at them never gets old.


Life is an adventure having babies is the best part.

Watching them grow up is filled with this constant love, concern and worry. Then the aspect of self introspection works on you as you try to figure out how to be the best parent ever. All of this is tied to your husband and how you struggle together to get it right, along with moments of WOW your a great father, a great provider and I never knew you would do XYZ for your
child!

Its a journey of LOVE as you live for someone else.

Multiply and replenish the Earth and have JOY in your posterity!

Some will not have this opportunity and they grieve only to hope for a time in the next life to enjoy this experience of creation. I believe the righteous desires will be given to those who did not have a chance. Do not forfeit
your chance if you get one.
ming

User ID: 4143247
Norway
03/13/2012 02:47 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Never been interested in having kids. The thought of being pregnant actually disgusts me. people always said I would change my mind as I got older, but I don't see it happening, I'm 33 now and still feel the same. It's kind of a nice thought to have a family, but I'd rather foster or adopt. Too many unwanted, needy kids out there.
Out of this ugliness may come,
Some day, so beautiful a flower,
That men will wonder at that hour,
Remembering smoke and flowerless slum,
And ask-glimpsing the agony
Of the slaves who wrestle to be free-
'But why were all the poets dumb?'
-William Montgomerie

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
Is all the sad world needs.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1451276
Mexico
03/13/2012 02:49 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
It gets really lonely.

Well, atleast I can pay some hookers
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4472362
Canada
03/13/2012 02:50 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
it is NOTHING like the single life. At all, whatsoever.

first of all, even if you have a babysitter, there's always the thought of that little person in your mind (is he/she okay, happy, safe, comfortable etc)

you're a mother 24/7 no matter where you are, or what you're doing who you're with and even if someone else is 'watching'your kid.....

you have to decide how much you love the single life and how much you're willing to sacrifice of yourself, for someone else. someone who can bring you precious moments but also alot of grief.

i wouldn't trade my child for anything though, and it is true what they say that once you have a kid you can hardly even recall what the single life was like.

motherhood - parenthood, time warps you into another dimension of this realm and you may never ever be a "single" innocent woman just living your life ever again...

you will always have a child in the world you love so much also concern so much about. can you ever rest easy knowing a part of you is out in the world somewhere? literally, your heart walking around outside of your body and god FORBID something bad ever happened to that person.

it would be like sticking gazillion knives in your own heart if something bad ever happened to him or her.

can you deal with that possibility?

you are asking a lot dear, maybe it's best to remain single happy and carefree - that is not to say you cannot be happy as a mother, but it is usually a different kind of happy and it is well worth it in my opinion.

just the facts
Cheswolf

User ID: 12111692
United States
03/13/2012 02:55 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
I have no interest in having children, I didn't like then when I was one. My plan is to be a "rich uncle" and pay for somebody else kids to go to college, so they can invite me over for all the important stuff in life. I can skip the whole 18 years of crap and go straight to the grandpa stage,and have people to remember me and leave my crap too.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1457789
Canada
03/13/2012 02:56 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
it is NOTHING like the single life. At all, whatsoever.

first of all, even if you have a babysitter, there's always the thought of that little person in your mind (is he/she okay, happy, safe, comfortable etc)

you're a mother 24/7 no matter where you are, or what you're doing who you're with and even if someone else is 'watching'your kid.....

you have to decide how much you love the single life and how much you're willing to sacrifice of yourself, for someone else. someone who can bring you precious moments but also alot of grief.

i wouldn't trade my child for anything though, and it is true what they say that once you have a kid you can hardly even recall what the single life was like.

motherhood - parenthood, time warps you into another dimension of this realm and you may never ever be a "single" innocent woman just living your life ever again...

you will always have a child in the world you love so much also concern so much about. can you ever rest easy knowing a part of you is out in the world somewhere? literally, your heart walking around outside of your body and god FORBID something bad ever happened to that person.

it would be like sticking gazillion knives in your own heart if something bad ever happened to him or her.

can you deal with that possibility?

you are asking a lot dear, maybe it's best to remain single happy and carefree - that is not to say you cannot be happy as a mother, but it is usually a different kind of happy and it is well worth it in my opinion.

just the facts
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 4472362


I am not single.

I've been married for 7 years.
Aunty Flo

User ID: 12422506
Australia
03/13/2012 02:58 AM

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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


I am scared of bring pregnant (the thought freaks me out---I find nothing appealing about it whatsoever)

Also, I am scared of the process of giving birth and everything that could go wrong.

Furthermore, I'm scared to have a child only to find out I have no feeling for it, and regret my decision but it's too late.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1457789


The giving birth part is the most exciting part. A bit like lift off in an aeroplane. Having children will be the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12421336
Canada
03/13/2012 02:59 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
u are making best decision,we have already 7 billion population and sources are running out.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10363614
Canada
03/13/2012 03:14 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
u are making best decision,we have already 7 billion population and sources are running out.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 12421336


Lol that's what they want you to think
Klink
User ID: 12219053
United States
03/13/2012 03:51 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Blame the state education system and teevee, they tell the youth not to have children or family. Once you get older it will be too late.

Think what you will be doing with no children - nothing good. Alternatively you and husband can settle down together and raise children the best you know how.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10662475
United States
03/13/2012 03:53 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Spoil your friends kids.
goodmockingbird
In the Heart of the EF 5 Tornado Belt

User ID: 11445232
United States
03/13/2012 03:59 AM

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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
There's always the 'You'll regret not having kids when you get older' phrase that women of "childbearing age" hear when pondering their options.

Then there's "lonely deathbed" scenario that parents try to scare one with.

I never wanted kids. And back when I was of childbearing age, the society pressures to reproduce were monolithic and infinitely greater than they are now.

But I did not give in, and did not reproduce.

Nowadays, postmenopausal, I consider it not just the best 'decision' I ever made, because it was not a decision, it was simply maintaining my integrity as a person.

Did not give in, did not bow down.

Stop and think of all the old people who have grown kids who never visit them, or who do so only infrequently, and just because they feel like they have to.

That would be so much worse than simply planning ahead to face death in squared-away solitude.

Maintaining my integrity as a nonbreeder is absolutely the best thing I have ever done.

There are plenty, plenty of men who do not want children, but only a few women who do not want children.

A childfree woman is a precious 'commodity on the market, and she can pretty well have her choice of accomplished men.
In Memory of Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty: American Heroes, Abandoned and Betrayed.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12428957
United States
03/13/2012 04:02 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Life can be happy and fulfilling without children. If indeed it is not really something you've always desired, you aren't going to miss it in the long run.

That said, there are very few women out there who are not more fulfilled by having children. I think you should reconsider. There are good reasons to have children. You've left something behind, you may have someone to look after you in your aged years etc. And of course unrequited love. I would seriously reconsider if I were you.
Brunhilda

User ID: 1431957
United States
03/13/2012 04:03 AM

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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
I was the youngest child of the youngest child so I was never around babies and thought the same way as you, but having my daughter was the best decision I ever made.hf

But that said she decided to never have children and I fully support her decision

Last Edited by Brunhilda on 03/13/2012 04:04 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12428957
United States
03/13/2012 04:05 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
There's always the 'You'll regret not having kids when you get older' phrase that women of "childbearing age" hear when pondering their options.

Then there's "lonely deathbed" scenario that parents try to scare one with.

I never wanted kids. And back when I was of childbearing age, the society pressures to reproduce were monolithic and infinitely greater than they are now.

But I did not give in, and did not reproduce.

Nowadays, postmenopausal, I consider it not just the best 'decision' I ever made, because it was not a decision, it was simply maintaining my integrity as a person.

Did not give in, did not bow down.

Stop and think of all the old people who have grown kids who never visit them, or who do so only infrequently, and just because they feel like they have to.

That would be so much worse than simply planning ahead to face death in squared-away solitude.

Maintaining my integrity as a nonbreeder is absolutely the best thing I have ever done.

There are plenty, plenty of men who do not want children, but only a few women who do not want children.

A childfree woman is a precious 'commodity on the market, and she can pretty well have her choice of accomplished men.
 Quoting: goodmockingbird


Maintaining your "integrity?" What the hell are you talking about???
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1655522
United States
03/13/2012 04:10 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Never been interested in having kids. The thought of being pregnant actually disgusts me. people always said I would change my mind as I got older, but I don't see it happening, I'm 33 now and still feel the same. It's kind of a nice thought to have a family, but I'd rather foster or adopt. Too many unwanted, needy kids out there.
 Quoting: ming


It will happen when you meet the right guy and you will not expect it. Unless you are a nun, it will happen.
Nostalgic Rain

User ID: 11766269
United States
03/13/2012 04:10 AM

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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth. Also, this world is so messed up...is it fair to bring new life into an existence where day-to-dayn survival is so frickin' hard? I think not. Not to mention kids are so expensive.

But as soon as I finish listing the valid reasons above NOT to have kids, I wonder if I will regret not having an family once I'm on my death bed.

Can life still be happy and fulfilling without having children? Can old age still be secure and enriching without children and grandchildren?

I'm so conflicted.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


Don't let the act of giving birth alone itself keep you from having children. For the most part the majority of women give birth with no complications and have healthy babies.
If it is something else making you not want to have a child then maybe it just isn't for you. You can have a spouse and be very happy without children and I am sure you know that. If you are thinking you may regret not having kids in the future maybe deep down you are already regretting the decision.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11578757
Canada
03/13/2012 04:13 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
I want kids. I want to be a mother.

I do not want to bring a life into this world though. Neither does my husband. I have some health issues that could be passed on, they are not life threatening but are not fun. That sort of sealed the deal for me amongst many other things.

I often wonder and ache at the thought of the child we would make. It kills me sometimes. Sometimes I am not sure I will stick with my conviction. But I try hard. I hope to adopt in a few years. I've always wanted to be a mother, just always felt there were too many kids without parents out there to justify having my own.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12428957
United States
03/13/2012 04:13 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
OP don't be terrified of giving birth. It is natural and a wonderful experience to give life.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12428957
United States
03/13/2012 04:19 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
I've always wanted to be a mother, just always felt there were too many kids without parents out there to justify having my own.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11578757


I used to feel that way. As you get older you will see that is a really dumb view. Health issues aside, YOUR child is from you. Instilled with your values and taught to do good. A child that could make a difference in this hell hole we live in. I'd see a doctor and be damn sure about these supposed health traits you might pass on. Weigh the risks seriously. And think about having a baby..a nursery, the joy of watching him/her say their first words, the Christmases, the joy of the smile. God's contribution to the world too, not just yours. Every child is a gift from God. This would be YOUR gift. Just because others don't see it that way, shut them out. This is your life. Does your baby deserve a chance to born? Do you have enough self esteem to hear someone call you mommy?
goodmockingbird
In the Heart of the EF 5 Tornado Belt

User ID: 11445232
United States
03/13/2012 04:20 AM

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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
There's always the 'You'll regret not having kids when you get older' phrase that women of "childbearing age" hear when pondering their options.

Then there's "lonely deathbed" scenario that parents try to scare one with.

I never wanted kids. And back when I was of childbearing age, the society pressures to reproduce were monolithic and infinitely greater than they are now.

But I did not give in, and did not reproduce.

Nowadays, postmenopausal, I consider it not just the best 'decision' I ever made, because it was not a decision, it was simply maintaining my integrity as a person.

Did not give in, did not bow down.

Stop and think of all the old people who have grown kids who never visit them, or who do so only infrequently, and just because they feel like they have to.

That would be so much worse than simply planning ahead to face death in squared-away solitude.

Maintaining my integrity as a nonbreeder is absolutely the best thing I have ever done.

There are plenty, plenty of men who do not want children, but only a few women who do not want children.

A childfree woman is a precious 'commodity on the market, and she can pretty well have her choice of accomplished men.
 Quoting: goodmockingbird


Maintaining your "integrity?" What the hell are you talking about???
 Quoting: Keats


I realize that I am simply not inclined towards nurturing children.

Was never fascinated with them. Was interested in history and science instead.

Accepted the kind of person I am. Unsentimental, not touchy-feely. 'Self-contained'. Ethical and kind, but not inclined to becoming emotionally bonded to children.

*If* I had allowed others to pressure me into reproducing, it would not have been fair to the kids. They would have had a distant, fair and responsible, but distant mother.

Children need and deserve parents who not just 'want' them, but who love and enjoy them.

I realize I do not have that quality to give.

Accepting my strengths and weaknesses as they are, and living in a right and fair way with others by not undertaking what I do not have within me to undertake.

That sort of integrity.
In Memory of Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty: American Heroes, Abandoned and Betrayed.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11475650
Australia
03/13/2012 04:21 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
Having a hard time accepting that I probably won't have children.

Some days I think I want to, but I am terrified of giving birth.
 Quoting: Conflicted 1457789


What are you scared about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11475650


She'll be locked in the... you know. It's serious business making a family.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


Oh really I wouldn't fucking know would I ya dumb cunt lmao
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 830513
Australia
03/13/2012 04:23 AM
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Re: Deciding NOT to have children....
ITT: sad fucks regretting having kids but putting on a brave face and telling other how awesome it is

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