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What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14504844
Germany
04/17/2012 05:53 PM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
small bad = small bed
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 07:35 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
my wife of 12yrs cannot forgive me and wants to leave me
 Quoting: steam

I am sorry to hear this, but unfortunately here, you are asking for help to change someone else other than yourself.

It seems like you are sorry and want forgiveness, but, you cannot expect it or pressure your wife into giving it.

To be really sorry you actually have to be prepared to lose your wife but to continue to offer friendship and support; as it sounds like you were the one to cause this disharmony.

Occasionally your need to be forgiven may actually prevent your wife from being able to do just that. See, the pressure you project on her may make her feel even angrier, because she may feel you caused this but she is supposed to fix it for you.

By taking away the pressure of expecting her to remain with you, but not removing your love for her (shown through freindship and support), you just may get what you dream of.

People do respond to such unselfish means of saying sorry although they do not often happen because desperation at the thought of losing your loved one usually makes it impossible for a person saying sorry to act truly unselfishly.

Good luck to you.

Also you know your wife better than I do and I might have it completely wrong. In the end go with your heart!

[quote:Anonymous Coward
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 07:41 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
887433:MV8xODIyODUwXzMwNjc2NDMxX0I5NkU2NjZC]
I'll bite.
My company who I've worked for 7 years is relocating to their newly built "state of the art" facility over 30 miles away from me. I can not make the trip with my less than dependable car plus the added expense of gas prices right now.
By not moving with them, I am going to not have health insurance for me and my family unless I can afford to pay COBRA about $700 a month to keep my policy. On top of that, my house is is foreclosure pending my modification application and who knows if I will be able to get unemployment. Everything I attempt gets cock blocked.
They can take their state of the art, spare no expense building and shove it up their corn hole!

I understand your frustration but it seems to me that giving up the job and refusing to follow the company may not be the best solution if your only trouble is how to get to work. In America's current economy jobs are hard t come by so I suggest you consider using public transport if available OR focus on getting yourself there for the first few weeks and sending a company email (ask permission to send from your boss so you don't get any strife for it. In the email you need to give the area you live in and ask for any living in or near that area to contact you so that transport costs can be shared. You might take turns driving each other so that fuel costs are halved or you may get taken by someone else and contribute to there fuel bill which helps them out as well. You are likely not the only person in this situation at your company and there may be a solution there for the asking. Good luck to you.
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
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04/18/2012 07:57 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
i have a fairly asimmetric face, so girls just dont look at me and if they do they look with hate in his eyes, dont know why. Also i am very skinny so the thing is im 25 years old and only had a girlfind when i was 20 years old for one month.

im a 4th year psycolohist student and work in an insurance company. Every day i feel more hopeless, more dissapointed at myself.
So i want someone to hug me. I want someone to kiss.
im such a loser.
bye.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14111443


No you are not a loser! Unfortunately the position you find yourself in is not even unusual, in fact it is a more and more common thing nowadays.

I mentioned to someone else that loneliness and a sense of disconnect is one of the leading causes of depression and a by product of our society nowaday which does not encourage a sense of community anymore. So many lonely people looking for love now and thinking that they must be inadequate in some way because they haven't found it; and that is just not true.

You are obviously smart but just reading your post I sense your disatisfaction with yourself and this lack of love for yourself is projected hon, making it even more difficult to find someone because of the lack of confidence that follows.

Think of this time right now, without a partner, as your chance to learn to appreciate yourself. The strangest things happen when people stop being so critical of themselves. When people decide to focus on their strengths and learn to like who they are, the need for someone else actually subsides and yet... others become attracted to you.

This might seem like a bad egs to many but it makes the point I want to make. People like Napoleon and Hitler were not goodlooking men perse. Certainly not great in stature, but even men like these, with great defects in their personalities, attracted others to them because of their overwhelming confidence and self assurance. For someone like you who is nice and smart and who doesn't feel the need to dominate and rule the world (hopefully lol!)this type of self assurance will most certainly attract others to you.

It isn't easy to turn your feelings of self loathing around but forcing yourself to talk to people and go out more is where I started.

Also, know that you are wonderful. We all are, and you do have a mate out there but she is likely somewhat shy too and also working on herself right now.

This time is not proof you do not have what it takes to find a soulmate, it is actually your time to grow as a person, so when you meet her you both will be happier and not be carryiihng the excess baggage you would have if you met her right now with all your insecurities in tow.

Good luck!hf
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:08 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
I was told today that I have lung cancer. I am sitting here in shock right now although I should not be. I have no one to blame but myself. I have smoked a pack of cigarettes a day forever. I am 51 years old. Other than this I am healthy and will do everything medically possible to survive this. I put down the cigarettes at 1 pm today and have not even really had withdrawal symptoms. I am sure they will come but they aren't here yet.

I don't know how to tell my son and my husband had a stroke last year and can't really take care of himself. He is 56.

You can't help with any of this but thanks for asking.
 Quoting: Seejanerun 13483314


Even though I don't know you at all, or may never get to know you in the future. I'm really sorry to hear about this. I can't really imagine the emotions running through your being right now. Although it isn't the best of news the great thing is that you're still alive today. And the fact that you put down the cigarettes shows that you are making an extended effort to stick around with us a while longer! If you start to have really bad withdrawal symptoms later on I would at least suggest getting an E-Cigarette they usually don't have nicotine and are very good to help stop smoking all together. Its a way of tricking your mind into thinking its smoking although you're not getting any of the negative effects of it. As for breaking the news to your son, I haven't personally done it but if I were to be put in your position I already know it wouldn't be an easy thing. All you can say is exactly what you've told us here. You knew it was coming and its better to start fixing it now than wait till its too late. Aside from that its best you acknowledge the fact that this isn't going to be an easy road but with persistence and enough laughter you're sure to be fine. I hope for the best in a quick and speedy recovery!
 Quoting: boxersam101 1196203

I responded to you earlier in the thread but I had missed the part where you expressed concern about how to tell your son and partner.

With the partner I think only you know how to best do that but when I told my son about my chronic illness I found some great advice on the web.

It really depends on their age and maturity. The younger they are the more basic you make it and then you answer any questions they ask. Let them be your guide and wait for them to ask for more detail as this shows they are ready to hear more.

My son was older (11 and mature for his age)so I told him in more detail as I did not want him reading it on the web or hearing it from somewhere else.

I told him and I said I was so sorry that I might leave here before he does. That I did not ever want to leave him but that sometimes these things are not our decision to make.

I promised I would always be around even when he could not see me. That I would be proudly watching him and supporting him. When he was sad I would be right by his side loving and helping him. I told him I was sometimes angry and confused that I could not stay in my current form and watch him grow to an old man and that it was really the thing that made me most sad about the whole situation.

We cried together and then after many tears and hugs I told him that he could always ask me anything and I would tell him the truth but that this was not going to become our whole world.

That while there was still breath in my body we were going to pull together as a family and have fun and laughter in our home.

This is a very hard thing to do but it was also the most cathartic experience I have ever had. All my strength sent your way!!!

hf
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:14 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
Work work work! I was a banker and than I woke up. I became a school teacher instead. When the economy tanked, education was the first thing cut in California. Now, its like pulling teeth to find work. Been a year now!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2463780

I teach in Australia. We have a govenment agency that supplies relief teachers to our State schools and while the work is not permanent the pay is much better than a full time osition. If you guys have something like this I would recommend it.

I always found with schools they hire people they know and who the kids know and like. Unfortunately I cannot work fulltime now due to illness but to get a fulltime job I went to a school near my house and introduced myself. I volunteered there 2ce a week for free and offered my paid services if they ever needed a relief teacher.

I expressed a desire to one day work there fulltime as I had heard great things about the school community and felt I had a lot to offer etc. I got a job Fulltime there the following year. Chances are that even if a position doesn't come up there the pricipal would know of other jobs in the area and would recommend you for all the effort you had made. Hope this helps some.
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:22 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
My wife and I are trying our hardest to raise two kids on the Autism spectrum. We have a boy(8) and a girl(6). Things are incredibly difficult. We get by financially but its tight because I am the only one working now as my wife tries to finish up school for medical diagnostic imaging. Its not the money that worries me, but rather how my children will manage to cope in this world, not just as they grow up but also once were gone.

This is no problem that can be solved. It wont ever go away. We live minute to minute in this family, where once minute things seem ok and the next it is a complete train wreck where were just trying to keep sane and not lose it on our kids. Even the most simple tasks can spark entire disruptive outbursts which just wear us all down time and time again. We rely on some local assistance from experts in this field to help our kids progress and without them we would be completely reliant on the Internet and books for behavioral support and practices. Our kids are smart, my son is actually in a gifted program as well as special needs at school and has managed to do very well in a public school while my daughter shows great aptitude towards sports and outdoor activities but has much difficulty interacting with her peers.

My wife and I know personally how much patience is needed to just get things going in our house. The amount of concentration and devotion necessary is staggering and I know its only a matter of time before they cross paths with someone who lacks such patience and may unfortunately see my kids as easy targets for whatever maladjusted thoughts cross their minds. All the more troubling considering the completely innocent temperament these kids have.

Most people simply don't understand, even other parents. Not that I blame them, this is no problem people are ever prepared for. I know I wasn't. All I would ask is that the next time you cross paths with someone who doesn't fit your stereotypical social template, think twice before you launch into a verbal or physical assault of this person. They could easily have a behavioral disability such as Autism. 1 in 88 is the number thrown around now. That could easily be your child or your grandchild. Families dealing with these disabilities aren't asking for special treatment, unless patience is some sort of special treatment these days.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1459925

I am full of admoration for you guys as parents. I used to teach many students with autism and it is challenging. Recently my mum put a granny flat lease ad in the paper and a really nice guy answered. He was in your position nearly exacctly except he and his wife had just seperated from the stress. He still went to the home every day to help as well as worked fulltime and he deserately wanted to fix his marriage.

He just got back with his wife and told my mum that the relief of pressure and the ability to breathe in the granny flat had so relaxed him that he was able to be more supportive of his wife and kids at home.

He loved it so much that even after he returned home he kept paying rent on the granny flat and now he and his wife use it, usually not at the same time, as a way to have a real break from the pressures of homelife and he says it has improved his life so much.

This is maybe not possible depending on your financial situation but it shows the absolute necessity of getting away from it all by yourself sometimes even if it is one night in a hotel a month. Good luck!
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:33 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
I need a fucking job
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9322299

There have been quite a few good suggestions on this thread about how to get a job. Myself ppersonally always had the best results by getting dressed up with my resume and walking the main street asking each lace if they had work.

Take advantage of any situation that crops up and avoid talking to the young workers, ask for the boss. Once a woman said she couldn't talk to me atm as she was running late setting up the restuarant/coffee shop and instead of leaving I offered to help her set up. She gave me a job that day.

Best of luck to you and don't give up!
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:36 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
Got diagnosed with Parkinson's 3 years ago and I'm in my mid 30's. It is accelerating quickly. I lost my job because it required fine motor movement. I have to use 2 hands just to drink a glass of water. Money is flying out the window and may have to move back in with my parents. Extremely depressing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10498901

I can really sympathise.

I am about the same age and have pulmonary hypertension which means I have a heart that works to hard and don't get enough oxygen. There is no cure and eventually I will be like a person going up Mount Everest for the first time unclimatised.

You really need to find a support group of people going through the same things you are. My disease is rare so to do that I have to go online and talk to Americans lol. Can't find much of a support group in my own country.

I know you want to remain independent and so don't relish the thought of moving in with your parents again, but, I am so glad for you that you at least have that option and support network available there.

Life is tough at times for people like us and help can be hard to come by.

Remember there are medical improvements all the time and in a few years time the treatment for Parkinsons could be revolutionised! Stay positive my friend! Good luck to you!!!!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14636496
United States
04/18/2012 08:39 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
My dog is dieing, he hasn't eaten in days and I gave him steak last night and he still wouldn't eat.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 682238
United States
04/18/2012 08:42 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
My dog is dieing, he hasn't eaten in days and I gave him steak last night and he still wouldn't eat.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14636496


Give hime fluids.maybe his system cant break down food right now.but he needs to be hydrated.most of him is water.good luck.
sharlock
User ID: 13178061
Australia
04/18/2012 08:43 AM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
many little problems that keep me unhappy, and they are going on for years now.

but first I tell you the good things I am thankful for:

- was able to pay back a large credit finally end of 2011 which I paid for the last 5 years

- my mom was diagnosed with "oh, the lung cancer has completely vanished, don´t know why" (after her being diagnosed june 2011, nearly died of pneumonia, nearly died of bacteria they accidentally inserted in her lung, nearly died of side-effect of antibiotics)

so, now the not-so-good things:

Job:
- went unemployed (not my fault, company hired Ernst&Young and they decided, a woman in her early 30s is a risk and paid too much,dropped off some others as well) in 2009
- couldn´t find a similar/nice job afterwards (economical crisis), although I am a professional.
- finally found a shitty, very bad paid job in a newspaper stand in 2010 - who betrayed me financially as well (did not pay what we agreed on), was barely able to pay my rent and the credit, but due to working hours not able to get a second job
- they set me off Nov 2011 and told me to come back Feb 2012, as it is cheaper for them if I get unemployed money during winter (because they don´t make huge profits in winter), once again did not pay me what we agreed on, and, of course, they are sooooo bad off, they couldn´t employ me in Feb again..so, unemployment money ran off and I was really having a hard time paying rent ..
- finally found a new Job now, will start next week there, but I am not sure if I can meet their expectations as I am more than 2 years out of this kind of business, but will give my best (If I don´t, they can fire me right away..)as I have no unemployment money left.

Love/Family:
- I am single now for about 5 years, I am a pretty normal girl with a good heart (sometimes too good, that´s where the credit came from: spent too much money/lent it to former boyfriends), not ugly, not fat, 33years now.
- in Jan 2011 I met a man who I thought I want to have a relationship with.. but.. he wanted just someone who is nice to him and going through hard times with him (as his wife left him 2yrs ago, lost his job and so on), we had something like a relationship (spent nearly every day/night together), but he was never there for me (e.g. as my mum got the lung cancer diagnosis).
He found a new job with my help and everything worked out fine for him. So finally, after 11 months I left. and he´s not spending one little tear for me.
- in Jan 2012 I met a nice man who seemed interested in me, we met often, but, he didn´t want a relationship, just casual sex from time to time and after 3 months I left this one again. As far as I know now, this guy was a classic "pick up artist".
- everyone else I meet when I go out (disco, concerts...) is men who don´t want relationships, just fun.

I am getting depressed on this, as all I ever wanted was a nice family on my own (I have no siblings and my dad died 9 years ago, I am afraid of being all alone in this world very soon).

Everything else:
- people who I thought are my friends (some of them for more than 18years) aren´t there for me when I need them. I barely ask someone for help, I am one of those "oh, I can do it on my own"-girls. But when I had to build a new kitchen in my flat (after not having one for 4 years and cooking on a camping gas stove), no one wanted to help.
- money is always too short. I do own a car which I had to bring to the garage yesterday, there´s more broken than I knew and I have to fix it, I will not be able to pay the bill for it.
- I live in a very small flat ( I am ok with that), but I nearly have no furniture or working things.
I just have a small bad (second hand), some cheap IKEA shelfs, no sofa, no nothing. My kitchen has no working oven, just 2 out of the 4 cooktops are working.
- as I dropped 15lbs over the last 3 years, I have no business clothes and no money to buy them (we don´t have those salvation army shops here like you have in the US!)

But what bothers me most on these things, I´ll have to ask my mother who is paid just a very little pension for some money to pay the garage bill and buy 1 blouse and 1 pair of trousers.. I am really ashamend.

Finally, I have some hope, with the new job, everything else (financially) can be fixed step by step. But if I loose this job - I do not know what to do then.
I feel like I did everything wrong in my entire life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14504844


You sound like a very kind person and that is not a personality flaw :) It can be hard to focus on the positives when life has treated you roughly but it is very important to do that.

You have a job right now so focussing on what could go wrong is of no benefit to you. In fact sometimes to much time spent worrying about things in my opinion, is often the very cause of those things happening.

In the case of your soulmate, I hope he comes to you soon but like I said to someoine earlier; people worry that if they don't have someone they must somehow have something wrong with them. This is not true! It should be looked on as a time to improve your relationship with yourself I think.

Remember we would not learn a thing if we did not make mistakes. Mistakes are a positive for that very reason but we are taught from a young age that mistakes are to be avoided and a cause for shame. That is sooo wrong and you are a beter person for every mistake you have made and learnt from!

Good luck to you.
Jimmy rich (OP)

User ID: 14676397
United States
04/18/2012 10:09 PM
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Re: What Is The Biggest Problem YOU Have Going On In Your Life Right Now That You Need Help With?
I have been SUPER busy with focusing on my online business. I started this thread to have people help themselves and each other. If you have a problem then it is first up to you to think of the best possible solution. Next carry out the plan. If you do not take action with your solution then nothing will happen.

I for one have been taking massive action to change my financial situation for the better. Because I have taken action I have been seeing some results. For the people that have sent me a message I can read them but I am not able to respond because I only have a free account.

I haven't been here for a few days because I have been taking care of my problems. FOCUS on your solution and carry it out until the problem is solved. NOW TAKE ACTION!!!! yoda
Trying to change the world one man at a time... [link to JimmyRich.com]

I see the most recurring problem as being a need for money and or importance. JUST GET IN and I will call you personally to tell you what to do next...

Your decisions decide your future. CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK to change the future. Let me help you with that by giving you a vehicle to change your financial situation.

I am a internet marketer and caring individual who wants to help you change your life. So take the next step... [link to JimmyRich.com]
RosesRus
User ID: 25553126
United States
10/14/2012 01:11 PM
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Im 17 and my mom has malinoma. The doctors took a look at my birthmark and said I may have it too. My best friend is upset with e for kissing a boy she likes even though she is in a happy relationship. My dad is in another world almost 24/7. My sister is 400 miles away. Kids at my school hate me. I was diagnosed with depression, but my father refuses to buy the meds to help. and I cant seem to tell snyone how much I just want to fall apart and cry. I cry alone, I feel alone, but when people say im not alone, I look around and theres no one there.

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