Wow, why this is on here at this moment for me to see is really something... I came on to get my mind off some things and found this thread.. well here goes..

I have 2 little boys, 4 and 7, who have been thru hell the last 3 years since I left their abusive father. Been from domestic violence shelter to hotel, back to the house(couldnt pay the hotel) where he hurt me again so the police took us back to the DV shelter, then got a job so I moved to a hotel again since I didnt make enough to get a place, then their father got me fired for showing up fighting, so I couldnt pay the hotel, wouldnt leave since I got the kids to think about so I went thru 5 months of back and forth for eviction, got my taxes right before the eviction date so I got a place in the beginning of february since I had just starting working and could pay it.

But 3 weeks ago they cut me down to 2 days a week because its too slow to continue to afford me for more days. So now I wont make rent on may 1st. I make 100 a week and half of that goes for gas. Cant afford anything my kids need since I have to save every dollar I get for rent. I sold everything I could to pay the electric last week. Have had to listen to my son practically crying because I had to pawn his psp to make the rest of the money for the electric but didnt tell him thats where it is so he thinks its lost in the house :( I have nothing left to sell. My 7 yr old has outgrown his school uniform and I cant afford the $15 a shirt or the shorts so his clothes for school are too small and they both need shoes desperately.

I hate that I cant afford basic things for them. I go without just so I can give to them but its not enough. I have done everything I can and its not enough. I have no help with them. Their dad wouldnt pay child support so he left and child support hasnt found him yet. I have no help to watch them so I can get just any job. I have to get a job where I get out at 5 every day so I could pick both up from school by 6 (if I put the baby in school, $130 a week, and the older one in aftercare, $100 a month) so I could work. My friend has off the 2 days I work so she watches him those days but thats all I have.

I have no family here to help me. I have family who could help me financially some but just dont. I am so screwed yet have to keep happy so my kids never know anything is wrong. Im tired of my son crying because he cant do things other kids can. I couldnt afford the $40 for his sea world field trip so he had to stay at school. The only one in his class :( He was devastated, he just doesnt understand. He tried to tell me that money is made of paper and we could just print some. Theres a legoland field trip in may thats another damn $40 that I cant afford and hes begging me to go with his class but i cant do it.

My rental office doesnt play and 3 days after rents due they start eviction if its not paid. I am so stressed I cant sleep. I have food money so at least they dont go without there. I have applied everywhere and sent my resume everywhere with no luck. My hours arent flexible so Im screwed. Im on a waiting list for 4c but have been on it for over a year already and still waiting. I will not take my kids to a shelter again. My older one overheard me on the phone say something about the shelter (to call to ask if they could help me with clothes for them, which they couldnt) and thought we were going back and starting crying like crazy saying he doesnt want to lose his room and live at the shelter again. I have an unbelievable amount of stress and I dont know how much longer I can handle it.

This has let me let out everything inside that I cant tell anyone else freely.. what a release.. thank you.. hope things get better for all of us.. please send extra prayers my way, not so much for me but for my sons~ Thank you~