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7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7570540
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04/03/2012 11:43 PM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
You don't yell or spank, but send him to his room full of fun things (minus one item for lying). I'm presuming he has plenty of other things to play with? Do you have a big mirror? Next time he lies, put him in a chair with a couple of books, facing the mirror and make him sit there for 20 minutes and look at that face of a good boy who lied (don't call him a liar) and doesn't that make him feel sad? Also, he needs a little lesson in what it feels like to be lied to (one is assuming you aren't promising the boy things and then changing your mind as this can start such behavior and he's likely just getting back at you). Tell him you ordered his favorite pizza (or other food) and then serve him something he doesn't much care for. Use it that as a tool and discuss how he feels and why it's important not to make others feel like that. It's OK for him to feel bad every now and again you know. But if you bring him down, you have to bring him back up.
 Quoting: Faith


You are fucked up.
 Quoting: 13.0.0.0.0


I train kids who are f'd up. The point is, if you send your kid up to a room full of toys when he misbehaves, he's not really learning a lesson now, is he? So, you take away a toy - he has 100 more. Big whoop - what has he learned? Setting a kid on a chair for a few minutes to read a book or reflect upon himself is not such a harsh punishment. But like I said, you have to discuss the matter with the child. What's so f'd up about that?

BTW, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. I never spanked nor did I ever take away any of my kids' toys. My own kids have never been in trouble with the law, they had the grades to attend a premier engineering school (the 24-year-old is working on a PhD in nanotech engineering and the other is still an undergrad in mechanical engineering), music, sports, etc. I did once take all my son's toys which were out in his room and stuffed them into a large trash bag and left it in the hall outside his room (he said he would clean his room but didn't follow through). I told him what I was going to do and I did it. Then I told him he had two days to sort through it and put everything where it belonged or I was throwing the sack in the trash. He was kind of pissed that several of his Lego sets came apart but that was his issue, not mine. He put his toys away.
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2012 11:46 PM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.

He could not answer why he keeps lying even when he knows that his privileges get taken away. He couldn't or didn't want to answer that single question.

It's so frustrating! What should we do? We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs. What could be wrong with him?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


That's why he lies.
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2012 11:55 PM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.

He could not answer why he keeps lying even when he knows that his privileges get taken away. He couldn't or didn't want to answer that single question.

It's so frustrating! What should we do? We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs. What could be wrong with him?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


That's why he lies.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13449167


LOL! That could be.

You know, some of the most screwed up kids are the ones whose parents keep taking away his/her things as punishment. It turns into a power struggle (and nobody ever wins in a power struggle). I mean, I think how I would feel if my husband took away all my checks/debit & credit cards for a month because I fibbed about how much I spent on a pair of shoes. To me that just shows a lack of respect. I would much rather see the kid have to do a little extra work as punishment (supervised and/or even helped by the parent). It can be a good learning experience and a prime time to talk to the child. Then, when finished, the child at least has the sense of accomplishment. For the older kids, having them pull weeds in the garden or wash the car is appropriate.
the angel man

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Australia
04/03/2012 11:58 PM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
homeopathic Opium helps with the lying habit/
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 12:02 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 12:08 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Two points of advice.

Stop waiting to discover his lies and then punishing him. To him it means nothing. You care that he lies, he doesn't. This means you need to find out what matters to him and then you have some meaningful consequences you can work with.

For example, he tells you a story. You ask him, "Are you telling the truth or are you lying?" He answers. You say, "I don't believe you. I think you're (insert opposite of what he said). You know, you lie so much, I can't believe anything you say. When you tell the truth, I think you're lying. When you're lying, I think you're lying. When you tell me you're lying, I think maybe that's a lie, too." Mess with his head a little. Stop letting him be in control. Start making decisions that he won't like--instead of taking away privileges he clearly doesn't value. Serve food he hates. When he complains, say, "I think you're lying." That kind of thing.

You need to engage with him so closely and so relentlessly about who he is that he is forced to stand up for something he believes in. Then he will start telling the truth.

He doesn't know who he is. He is looking for guidance. He is looking for you to mirror values to him, so he can find his way. The dog and pony show of punishment means nothing to him.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 12:11 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Taking him to the doctor for testing is giving him the message that you think he is defective. He probably gets that message already in other ways. This is why he lies. You have already rejected him. That's the worst consequence a child can experience. Losing his XBox for an evening is peanuts compared to such wholesale negative judgment of his very being.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
04/04/2012 12:18 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.

He could not answer why he keeps lying even when he knows that his privileges get taken away. He couldn't or didn't want to answer that single question.

It's so frustrating! What should we do? We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs. What could be wrong with him?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


LOL, nothing's wrong with him - he's a very bright boy and you're teaching him to do EXACTLY what you do - and he is.

What do you do?

You lie.

You say: "We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs."

Translation is easy: if you don't get what you want from him, you're going to drug him. You don't WANT to drug him, it's a SAD, thing, you had him TESTED, but he won't change, soooo... drug his ass.

So, you're lying about drugging him, and he knows it, and he knows HOW you lie - how you cover it up with non-responsibility, platitudes, making it his fault, and then nail his ass.

He's learned it from you. He "could not answer why he keeps lying" because YOU have TAUGHT him that not having an answer is HOW you get away with something - lying, whatever. It's just NOT YOUR FAULT. You just don't know, or didn't know, or can't know or do or whatever.

Like when you decide to destroy his brain by drugging him for lying. You just lie about what you're going to do, by denying YOU are doing anything at all.

And of course, then what are YOU obsessed with? YOU, the liar who never admits shit about what you're really up to? Why, forcing others to tell the truth, that's what! YOU can lie and walk. But when someone lies to YOU - destroy their brains.

You are a sick, sick fuck. And your little boy sees it - and you know he sees it.

So, you're going to destroy his ABILITY to see it.

And you'll be the one weeping as the drugs are administered, with friends patting your shoulders, tending you in your grief and victimization.

Because you see, you simply had no choice in the matter.

None at all.
SwampWitch

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04/04/2012 12:40 AM

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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
LOL, nothing's wrong with him - he's a very bright boy and you're teaching him to do EXACTLY what you do - and he is.

What do you do?

You lie.

You say: "We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs."

Translation is easy: if you don't get what you want from him, you're going to drug him. You don't WANT to drug him, it's a SAD, thing, you had him TESTED, but he won't change, soooo... drug his ass.

So, you're lying about drugging him, and he knows it, and he knows HOW you lie - how you cover it up with non-responsibility, platitudes, making it his fault, and then nail his ass.

He's learned it from you. He "could not answer why he keeps lying" because YOU have TAUGHT him that not having an answer is HOW you get away with something - lying, whatever. It's just NOT YOUR FAULT. You just don't know, or didn't know, or can't know or do or whatever.

Like when you decide to destroy his brain by drugging him for lying. You just lie about what you're going to do, by denying YOU are doing anything at all.

And of course, then what are YOU obsessed with? YOU, the liar who never admits shit about what you're really up to? Why, forcing others to tell the truth, that's what! YOU can lie and walk. But when someone lies to YOU - destroy their brains.

You are a sick, sick fuck. And your little boy sees it - and you know he sees it.

So, you're going to destroy his ABILITY to see it.

And you'll be the one weeping as the drugs are administered, with friends patting your shoulders, tending you in your grief and victimization.

Because you see, you simply had no choice in the matter.

None at all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1610534


Wow. Just...WOW. Sooo spot on!
clappa

"People of the Lie" ~ one of Dr. Peck's best books ~ came to mind when I read your post.
Brilliant!
...'n dat's da name a dat tune!
Anonymous Coward
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United States
04/04/2012 01:02 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
LOL, nothing's wrong with him - he's a very bright boy and you're teaching him to do EXACTLY what you do - and he is.

What do you do?

You lie.

You say: "We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs."

Translation is easy: if you don't get what you want from him, you're going to drug him. You don't WANT to drug him, it's a SAD, thing, you had him TESTED, but he won't change, soooo... drug his ass.

So, you're lying about drugging him, and he knows it, and he knows HOW you lie - how you cover it up with non-responsibility, platitudes, making it his fault, and then nail his ass.

He's learned it from you. He "could not answer why he keeps lying" because YOU have TAUGHT him that not having an answer is HOW you get away with something - lying, whatever. It's just NOT YOUR FAULT. You just don't know, or didn't know, or can't know or do or whatever.

Like when you decide to destroy his brain by drugging him for lying. You just lie about what you're going to do, by denying YOU are doing anything at all.

And of course, then what are YOU obsessed with? YOU, the liar who never admits shit about what you're really up to? Why, forcing others to tell the truth, that's what! YOU can lie and walk. But when someone lies to YOU - destroy their brains.

You are a sick, sick fuck. And your little boy sees it - and you know he sees it.

So, you're going to destroy his ABILITY to see it.

And you'll be the one weeping as the drugs are administered, with friends patting your shoulders, tending you in your grief and victimization.

Because you see, you simply had no choice in the matter.

None at all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1610534


Wow. Just...WOW. Sooo spot on!
clappa

"People of the Lie" ~ one of Dr. Peck's best books ~ came to mind when I read your post.
Brilliant!
 Quoting: SwampWitch


I met a kid like that at a job two summers ago.. about 6-7 years old. Smarter than his parents and an emotional basket case. The parents were shifty about their love for each other and generally were miserable people. The kid knew it.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 01:17 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
What is he lying about? I mean, is he engaging in bad behavior or maybe not following the rules and then when confronted lying to cover his ass? Or is he making up stories that are obviously not true? Because many kids like to make up stories..my son used to all the time. They were harmless but outrageous..He once told me that the vice principal did a science experiment using a cherry bomb and the toilet in the boys bathroom..he was pretty insistant. :-)
snarky74

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04/04/2012 01:20 AM

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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
A purposeful lie in our house is an automatic spanking.

Your problem is your refusal to spank. Now you would even consider drugs???

Spanking is nowhere near as cruel as drugging your kid. Grow some parental balls.
Married, kids, etc.
Anonymous Coward
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New Zealand
04/04/2012 01:27 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
A diagnosis from a doctor might help. Not drugs necessarily but tools to deal with any particular problems he might have.

Otherwise I agree with the posters that are saying we teach by example. Spend time with him, and watch yourself. If he is learning these behaviors from you or others he is spending time with, fix that.
Anonymous Coward
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Italy
04/04/2012 01:59 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
The Bible says in the end days kids will be disrespectful and rebellious. My kids are good as far as kids go, but they still lie even when they know what they are lying about isn't going to get them in much trouble. Hopefully they grow out of the lying.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 02:49 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Does he suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome? I knew an adopted kid that had that problem. He was really messed up.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 02:55 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.

He could not answer why he keeps lying even when he knows that his privileges get taken away. He couldn't or didn't want to answer that single question.

It's so frustrating! What should we do? We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs. What could be wrong with him?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


Encourage this streak..with the right nurturing he could become the next Benny Hinn or Pat Robertson..even president if he perfects the skill.

Worked for Obama.
Anonymous Coward
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Italy
04/04/2012 03:09 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
let me guess, your child is Cancer or has Cancer ascendent?

if these is the case only two things will stop him (you have to implement them both): physical punishment and also public denigration in front of people outside the family...Say to everyone he is a fucking lier that has not to be trusted.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 03:28 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Obviously your son is possessed by a demon and drugs and doctors won't help. You and your family need to find Jesus and get your son to an exorcist asap. I mean think of the horror...today the kid is lying...tomorrow he'll be throwing temper tantrums and running off ignoring you and and his father and choosing to talk to his satanist friends. Mend his evil ways child before he falls into a teenage life of debauchery and sex and otherwise teenage fun... Or you could be normal and realize you have a 7 year old kid.. The choice is yours slaphim
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 03:29 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


None of it stops them lying I have found the same thing nothing can stop anyone lying its impossible.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 03:37 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Make sure he isn't lying about the knife he keeps under his teddy bear. battleflag
your answer
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04/04/2012 04:16 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Have any other parents had this problem?

We took his privileges (tv, video games etc) away because he keeps lying and it has made no difference. We do not yell at him or spank him.

He could not answer why he keeps lying even when he knows that his privileges get taken away. He couldn't or didn't want to answer that single question.

It's so frustrating! What should we do? We're taking him to the Dr. for some testing but we don't want to put him on drugs. What could be wrong with him?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9447366


A possible reason is that even when he tells the truth he still gets a verbal dress-down, even if you are not yelling whilst doing it, followed by a long lecture why his actions were not acceptable, or perhaps you just go on-and-on-and-on about what he did, and just wont let things rest, bringing things up from the past whenever you chastise. Do you take priveleges away regardless of telling the truth or not ??

Perhaps you are not even aware that you do this. Or perhaps you did this in the past and dont do it now. Or maybe your partner, when you are not around has a big go at him about what happened.

The bottom line is he believes that when he lies his life is occasionally not so crappy, but when he tells the truth, his life is always crappy.

Try having some of his priveleges reinstated if he tells the truth.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 04:17 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
pride
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 08:57 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
The bottom line is he believes that when he lies his life is occasionally not so crappy,
 Quoting: your answer 1449133


spock
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 09:11 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Another lying parent that can't bear seeinv their own behavior reflected back to them. There isn't anything wrong with your son, he is learning the lesson from you very well.

Face your own lying nature or destroy your sons mind so you don't have to, its up to you.
are we for real
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04/04/2012 09:38 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
laugh alot..he's one step ahead. take it with a pinch of salt. appreciate it & ignore it
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 09:53 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Try positive reinforcements. Reward him for doing what is right.

Parenting isn't always about punishment for bad behavior.

It is also about motivating your children to achieve, to be proud of themselves.

And that might be more of a motivator than punishment.
 Quoting: Profit of Doom


At about that age, most kids finally figure out that they don't HAVE to tell the truth. Unless he is "difficult", then gentle reminders might be all that is needed.

My own child figured out in second grade that he could tell me that he didn't have homework. I found out otherwise later on, of course.

In my opinion, this is not bad character. It is more like a developmental milestone that all children experience. It's like the Terrible Two's when they figure out that they can say "NO".

Positive reinforcement worked just fine for my child, and unless you have more going on than what your initial post said (and I haven't read this whole thread yet), then I suspect you just have a child who has started to figure out some things about the world.

At about age 11, they figure out that other people can lie, even adults. They will say SCATHING things about people, very harsh and not tempered with wisdom that comes with more life experience.

These are all phases that people go through...it's part of growing up.
no-one-special

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04/04/2012 09:56 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Children at that age lie, almost all children learn to lie. My son had a problem with that also about age 7-8....
You say you have taken everything away, if you look in his room you will see he still has stuff..you have not taken enough away.
To break my son of lying I had to take everything away.. EVERYTHING!!!! He had a mattress on the floor and a blanket left in his room.. the first thing he had to earn back was his pillow. It took him a wile to get it. After I took everything away the punishment was not over yet....I made a point to let him know that I can not trust a lier....he had to PROVE everything he said. Even something as simple as homework, I made him take a notebook to school and have the teacher sign it everyday telling me what his homework was, because you can not trust a lier to tell the truth....then he was given chores he hates..namely scooping the dog poopy....
I sat down and talked to him several times about why he lies to me. His biggest answer was he was affraid of getting in trouble for normal little kid stuff. It took a little bit for him to get that he is not getting in trouble for what he does, but he is getting trouble for lying to me about it..

Don't drug your kid for normal kid stuff...work with him to get through it, it's a noirmal part of growing up..but you are asking for a world of trouble if you get the Dr involved and he "recomends" meds and you do not give them to your kid...that could be seen as medical neglect and a reason for CPS to get involved....
Anonymous Coward
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Chile
04/04/2012 09:58 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Teach him a lesson by lying to him as well...
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 10:01 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
So what you are saying is all your dissapoint are belong to us?
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2012 10:01 AM
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Re: 7 Year Old Son Keeps Lying Even When He Knows He'll Be Punished
Children at that age lie, almost all children learn to lie. My son had a problem with that also about age 7-8....
You say you have taken everything away, if you look in his room you will see he still has stuff..you have not taken enough away.
To break my son of lying I had to take everything away.. EVERYTHING!!!! He had a mattress on the floor and a blanket left in his room.. the first thing he had to earn back was his pillow. It took him a wile to get it. After I took everything away the punishment was not over yet....I made a point to let him know that I can not trust a lier....he had to PROVE everything he said. Even something as simple as homework, I made him take a notebook to school and have the teacher sign it everyday telling me what his homework was, because you can not trust a lier to tell the truth....then he was given chores he hates..namely scooping the dog poopy....
I sat down and talked to him several times about why he lies to me. His biggest answer was he was affraid of getting in trouble for normal little kid stuff. It took a little bit for him to get that he is not getting in trouble for what he does, but he is getting trouble for lying to me about it..

Don't drug your kid for normal kid stuff...work with him to get through it, it's a noirmal part of growing up..but you are asking for a world of trouble if you get the Dr involved and he "recomends" meds and you do not give them to your kid...that could be seen as medical neglect and a reason for CPS to get involved....
 Quoting: no-one-special


You are evil. Its like you live in a timewarp that left you in the dark ages.