Ten clear proofs that Allah truly exists

Prove em wrong, bitches!

Ten clear proofs that Allah truly exists
By Sheik Abutthol Shitstaini

1. A long time ago some guy named Mohammad wrote a book. Therefore, Allah truly exists.

2. Recently one of my camels was suffering from a severe bout of depression. So I prayed to Allah to cure him but he died two days later. Allah, being all wise and all powerful, must have decided that it was time for my camel to go to paradise. Therefore, Allah truly exists.

3. Mohammad is the most popular boy name in the world.
Therefore, Allah truly exists.

4. My neighbor Ahmed beat his wife after catching her masturbating. If Allah inspired him to do this, then Allah must truly exist.

5. We Muslims are not allowed to drink alcoholic beverages, because doing so might cause us to loosen up and have fun. Having fun is what evil infidels do! Therefore, Allah truly exists.

6. My cousin Yusef's goat became possessed by an evil jinn (demon). In accordance with sharia law the goat was beheaded. Thankfully the goat no longer suffers from possession. Therefore, Allah truly exists.

7. The United States elected a muslim for president.
Therefore, Allah truly exists.

8. A few months ago a man from my town was trampled to death by his camels. The man must have been wicked because Allah would not allow a good man to die like that. Therefore, Allah truly exists.

9. This towel on my head means I'm special!
Therefore, Allah truly exists.

10. If Allah didn't exist, then us Muslims wouldn't have to threaten to cut off your head for not believing in him. Therefore, Allah truly exists.