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Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11132818
United States
04/13/2012 05:04 PM
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First off I feel for you because you sound like a loving caregiving wife and woman. I am a man and it sounds to me like your husband unfortunatly could be tired of your relationship and possibly could be seeking or trying to get love eslewhere. One thing that is not going to work is you nagging him although he might deserve it its not going to work. My best advice could be for you to take him out on a weekend and get him in his confort zone wether it be a bar, nightclub, getting dinner. Ask him how he feels reguarding your marriage, tell him that you would appricate some imput from him in the form of help around the house. The one thing you cant do is give up and seek attention from other males because two wrongs do not make a right. The best cure I found to work in a previous relationship of 5 years that I had was to do things with my girlfriend outside of our confort zone. My previous girlfriend hated to go out i mean hated it she was a homebody and I love going out I love dancing to house music and love seeing great dj"s. She would tell me your not going out tonight and I would say why im not going to cheat on you (which i NEVER DID) I just want to dance and let loose. Finally she went with me one night and we had an amzing time. After the relationship ended she confessed she had low self esteem and her being home helped her not face the world. Communication is very important in a relationship. Have you ever thought that your husbands friend and his presance is making your husband feel less of a man if he communicates and gives into your needs. My best advice would be to get real dolled up I mean get a nice manicure and pedicure and a nice wax if needed. Pick up some nice undergarmets. The minute your man feels that you are getting dolled up his alfa male instinct will kick in. He will be all over you, Remb though the one thing you must not and never do is attack his manhood and his self esteem because men know that women can move on in the blink of an eye as opposed to us men its hard to get back out there. Give him sex or foreplay when you normally would not maybe put on a porno and get him in the mood, or maybe take him as a suprise to a strip club. He is your husband afterall. I must admit part of this angers me because I am searching for a woman to marry and its hard and your husband has the total package a good job a great woman a home and a woman that loves him do you know how many men would kill for that
 Quoting: Noddin' Out Melody



Thanks for responding.
My husband had prostate cancer and they (the doctors) have completely anhilated his manhood. He had an implant for several years and that had to be removed and then they did more work on him and now he has constant incontinence and has to wear a device all during the day and has to wear a diaper at nite.
Whenever he ever has brought it up about all this, i have constantly reassured him that i could care less about sex,its not the sex, its him, and i married him for WHO he is, not any other reason. That would be nice to be intimate with him but that is not possible so i just shrug it off and tell him it just does not matter,no big deal!
I can live without sex, its not having him be my best friend any longer that bothers me....i really miss HIM.
I just want to thank you so much for your helpfulness...it means alot, it truly does!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


whyncha say so up front?
he's mourning the loss of his youth his sexuality vitality and his capacity to please a partner and despite your claims, he's of the mind that he's let you down in his mind.

I cant say what specifically what to do about his depression and diversion activities, but you can get back intimacy and he your approval if you sort it out together and get out of the box.
He's looking at his end of days, and is afraid of carrying you along on that ride.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11132818


Yes, he has brought that up a couple of times, how he has let me down, but i always let him know that i just love him for who he is, not what he can or can't do. It is more than that, much more.....and i just yearn for us to be close again is all.
I know he has told me several times how he is amazed that he is even still here.
I am the one who got him to quit listening to the doctors with their poisons who told him two years ago he was dying.
That was the only time i persisted in nagging him to stop listening to THEM. They had him on hormones and stuff that was deteriorating his quality of life and he ended up bed bound.
I am no saviour by any means, but i am a very spiritual person and i spent alot of time researching for ways to help him help himself and i was persistent that he had to stop listening to the assisted suicide doctors.
He is healthy as a horse today....except for the repercussions of what the doctors did to him...that he has to live with.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


well he has to stop self medicating so much. At least with alcohol, which is a depressant and an anaesthetic. Herb is better if total abstinence is out of the question IF one is in pain. You have to find some way or some task that he gets to feel a sense of involvement and satisfaction of accomplishment, and I cant tell you what that is. I can say that over the years the senses get dulled and then life and love tend to dull as well if the oil or filters are not changed .
YOUR task is to couple some sense of safe exploration with sharing the experience and journey together as a unit, and that will give you something to talk about that is unique about your relationship. Your mate is in a vulnerable state of feeling worthless, and somehow you have the task of injecting self worth and value back into the marital unit.

Dunno what else to say, other than dont do anything in your search that you cannot undo, emotionally or spiritually.

best regards
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 05:07 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Whoever gave this thread five stars is a fucking moron.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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04/13/2012 05:07 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
And here I am with a wife who won't say a damn word...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1558374


Sounds like you know the frustration.
I think it comes from fear.....fear of telling your true feelings.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


Men do not talk the way women do. You are going to have to get over that. They don't want to hear a half hour story about how much of a struggle you had at the grocery store when the same point can be made in one sentence or less.

I think a lot of the problems you claim you are having has to do with approach.

If you come at him when you are overwhelmed and point only only what he DOESN'T do, then of course he is not going to talk. Why would he?

When you do that, all he hears is: "Look, I am better than you because I do ALL of this and you are crap."

When you make your man feel like crap, he is going to hang with people who don't. Plain and simple.

Let's say he does some work in the yard or mows the lawn and comes in all sweaty and dirty.. Do you point out a spot he missed and mention other things that need to be done or do you tell him how sexy he looks all sweaty and manly?

If you have children and he is watching them while you get things done, take a moment and thank him. Tell him what a good father he is and point out how much the kids love spending time with him. You will soon find that he is more than happy to do that and may even suggest he take them for a walk so you can have a quiet bath.

Maybe mention that you would like to do something to spice up your marriage. Take a trip, renew your vows.

Instead of telling him what you want him to do, ask him if he will do things WITH you.

If he says no, keep trying and do not fly into the "you never do anything with me anymore" crap.

Words to avoid "I, You, never, always" These are accusatory words.

EVERY conversation should be WE and US.

Ask his OPINION...

"Honey, what color do you think we should paint the living room?"

"What do you think about putting in a patio?"

Ask him questions that require more than a yes or no answer, that require him to qualify his answers...

But do so without being combative or accusatory and this includes your body language.

No, it is not about refusing to share feelings. It IS about refusing to get baited into a combative discussion. Read your own post... You ARE combative and accusatory. You attack rather than engage.
You are not asking him to speak with you, you are ordering him to comply.

As individuals we want to make the people we love feel good, make them happy. What have you done for him or said to him lately that tells him that you appreciate him? I am not suggesting that you do so to manipulate him, I suggest it because you also need to remind yourself about the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. When you do that, you will start doing the things that made him fall for you as well.

As a wife of nearly 20 years myself, I can bet you that your approach is a large part of the issue.

Granted, he does have his own hand in this matter but since he is not here to speak with I can address only what I am getting from you.

Marriage is not easy, it IS work. You can't just get marred and expect things to be a certain way. Circumstances change and you need to stay engaged. You need a plan that you both agree on and both parties need to know what is expected of them in order to achieve that plan. Anything less is just playing house and that is what most people are doing in these times.. They get married to play house and do not understand what a marriage really is. Love is NOT enough of a reason to get married but it is the main glue that keeps a marriage together and working properly.

I do not read any love in your post.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14328272


The reason you do not read any love in the post is because i have gotten to the point of where i needed to vent and i am not going to do that and unload on him.
That is why i wanted to know from male perspective how other men deal with or tell how to be communicative with a man who won't talk.
You made some excellent points above, and i so appreciate that. I think any of us have a breaking point so to speak....today is my day i needed to vent and hear what others have to say because sometimes that is what it takes to open our minds further than we think we already have.
Thank you for speaking your mind.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
04/13/2012 05:08 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Talking to a woman is like talking to a cop.

The more your mouth flaps, the deeper your grave.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11132818
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04/13/2012 05:10 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
...


I do want him to be happy doing what he loves to do, but the only thing he wants to do is work, which he does for himself. Its like an obsession.
I don't nag him, i don't, i just keep quiet and keep my distance and just be happy doing what i like to do.
It angers me that i have to spend my time doing everything around here and i don't ask for anything from him at all....absolutely NOTHING.
I have my own money, its rare anymore that he even offers $$ even though i help him from time to time with his business and it annoys me that he takes me for granted is all and has nothing to talk about.
How can you fix anything with someone who won't talk is what i am saying?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


Don't keep your distance, that is the worst thing you could do, encouragement and communicating your feeling at an appropriate time and manner will bring him around.

Why do we always think that we have to nag or walk away to accomplish something in a relationship? There is a middle ground find it and be patient.

Diakonos
 Quoting: Diakonos


I think part of our problem is he has his best friend who he talks to about everything.
Anything i have to say he honestly just blows it off as though it is unimportant and trivial.
But...this same friend or one of his other friends says something to him and he thinks its fantastic.....its like i don't know anything!
I guess i should just keep doing what i have been doing, but today i just had to get it out....it builds up and then i have to vent...so i thank you all for listening and for your advice!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


Your misunderstanding what you are seeing, guys can relate to other guys in his position of life. It won't be talked about nor will it be acknowledged except in the most indirect way. But he will not feel weak in front of them due to their respect of him.

He is not blowing you off, but concern coming from his wife makes him feel weak. And he would have to acknowledge one of the most difficult things for a man and that cannot happen. You can let him know without words that you care and feel for him and even feel bad for him. For a guy that is more that enough. Not everything needs words.

It seems to me (without knowing all the facts) that he is more protecting you than shutting you out.

Diakonos
 Quoting: Diakonos


many more good insights from you, mate.

good on ya
Zyto

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04/13/2012 05:12 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
SILENCE IS GOLDEN

oh and cut him off for a while

Last Edited by CoiNmaN on 04/13/2012 05:15 PM
2009lincolncent.com
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 14110940
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04/13/2012 05:12 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
My sister has the same hit goin on. She tells her fat husband something, he goes uh-ha and later when it suppose to be done, he's still sitting at the kitchen table and nothings done.

She lets it go, but when he tells her to do some shit, she better do it. So I tell her, don't make fat fuck anything to eat till he does the chores.

She won't do that.

So when she talks to him, he makes little noises like he is listening to her but he really isn't. I told her when she says something to him, go, did you hear me. She won't do it.

Now in your case, don't make breakfast, lunch or supper and when he ask whats up bitch, say what, we need to talk cocktrap.

Take a vacation to a friend or sister or mom and dad for awhile. Be sure to set up some remote IP cameras so you can login on the internet to see whatzzz up back home while your gone.

Take it from there, if you have what it takes.
 Quoting: Dig This 14197539


OMG....if nothing else you sure gave me a good belly laugh!!! Thanks for that!
Now with that, i'm off for a nice walk to contemplate....i thank you all soooo much for your input!hf
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 05:15 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Sounds like he's not going to change. I find when men won't talk or answer its because of something negative they don't want to say.
Have an Internet affair, it's fun and will kill time! Lol.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11132818
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04/13/2012 05:35 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
SILENCE IS GOLDEN

oh and cut him off for a while
 Quoting: Zyto


you must be related to him, or cant read and had your mummy write your response for you, so I shall review for you, the guys junk is punk and he's in a drunk funk feeling sunk like a bad dunk and no longer a hunk, and your advice is bunk, and that's what I thunk.


PEACE!
shenandoah
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04/13/2012 05:38 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Talking to a woman is like talking to a cop.

The more your mouth flaps, the deeper your grave.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1512091


LMAO
enigmatic muse

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04/13/2012 11:00 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
And here I am with a wife who won't say a damn word...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1558374


I didn't know that was possible unless you married a mute....
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 11:12 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Start packing, he doesn't love you. Sorry to say.
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 11:20 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Oral sex?
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 11:27 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Good Wife : )
Anonymous Coward
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04/13/2012 11:30 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Cut his balls off one night while he is in deep slumber. Then hide them and tell him you'll give him his left nut if he talks to you for the day. Then if he complied, tell him he will get the other twin if he talks for 1 whole year.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 14110940
United States
04/14/2012 08:47 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
...



Thanks for responding.
My husband had prostate cancer and they (the doctors) have completely anhilated his manhood. He had an implant for several years and that had to be removed and then they did more work on him and now he has constant incontinence and has to wear a device all during the day and has to wear a diaper at nite.
Whenever he ever has brought it up about all this, i have constantly reassured him that i could care less about sex,its not the sex, its him, and i married him for WHO he is, not any other reason. That would be nice to be intimate with him but that is not possible so i just shrug it off and tell him it just does not matter,no big deal!
I can live without sex, its not having him be my best friend any longer that bothers me....i really miss HIM.
I just want to thank you so much for your helpfulness...it means alot, it truly does!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


whyncha say so up front?
he's mourning the loss of his youth his sexuality vitality and his capacity to please a partner and despite your claims, he's of the mind that he's let you down in his mind.

I cant say what specifically what to do about his depression and diversion activities, but you can get back intimacy and he your approval if you sort it out together and get out of the box.
He's looking at his end of days, and is afraid of carrying you along on that ride.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11132818


Yes, he has brought that up a couple of times, how he has let me down, but i always let him know that i just love him for who he is, not what he can or can't do. It is more than that, much more.....and i just yearn for us to be close again is all.
I know he has told me several times how he is amazed that he is even still here.
I am the one who got him to quit listening to the doctors with their poisons who told him two years ago he was dying.
That was the only time i persisted in nagging him to stop listening to THEM. They had him on hormones and stuff that was deteriorating his quality of life and he ended up bed bound.
I am no saviour by any means, but i am a very spiritual person and i spent alot of time researching for ways to help him help himself and i was persistent that he had to stop listening to the assisted suicide doctors.
He is healthy as a horse today....except for the repercussions of what the doctors did to him...that he has to live with.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


well he has to stop self medicating so much. At least with alcohol, which is a depressant and an anaesthetic. Herb is better if total abstinence is out of the question IF one is in pain. You have to find some way or some task that he gets to feel a sense of involvement and satisfaction of accomplishment, and I cant tell you what that is. I can say that over the years the senses get dulled and then life and love tend to dull as well if the oil or filters are not changed .
YOUR task is to couple some sense of safe exploration with sharing the experience and journey together as a unit, and that will give you something to talk about that is unique about your relationship. Your mate is in a vulnerable state of feeling worthless, and somehow you have the task of injecting self worth and value back into the marital unit.

Dunno what else to say, other than dont do anything in your search that you cannot undo, emotionally or spiritually.

best regards
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11132818


Thank you for the gems of info. I have told him just as you state that he needs to find something to do that he really loves to do, instead of be under the impression that you are worthless if you are not making money.
I have told him how most of my life it was the same until i was able to look back on my childhood and go back and pick up where i left off...those things i just so enjoyed doing. I had left all that behind as i bent and gave in to the WORLDs ways. I was very blessed to have grown up on a farm and we didn't have much money so we kids had to use our imagination to entertain ourselves.
Regressing myself back to the simple days was my ticket out of the hell that i had made of my life and as much as i want to help him, i also do not want to lose the peace that i have found inside so its complicated.
Sometimes i think we just have to step back and that is what i try to do, just allow him to experience the hell he is creating for himself, and then i get to a breaking point and allow his issues get to me.
Thank you for being here to take your time to inject some wisdom to for me to process!
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2012 09:01 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Sounds like he needs a wake up call. Leave him for a while.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6630717


a GF did this to me once...just in time for the playoffs.

charlie
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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04/14/2012 09:08 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Sounds like he is angry or hurt. Try asking him if there is anything that happened between you two. Did something happen that broke your trust?
 Quoting: RayGun


Last time we talked, and that was only because i talked to his friend and told him that i was thinking about leaving, he came to me and we talked.
I told him most all that was bothering me, and i told him to do the same....just tell me what i do that bothers you because if you don't, i can't do anything about it.
He said that nothing bothers him.....oooookkkkkk!!!!
Come on, we all know its impossible to live with another human and not have them do things that bother us...it may be trivial, but it if its something i do or don't do, i want to know. I can't change what i don't know about.
There hasn't been any trust issues....just all lack of communication.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


To men, admitting there is a problem or that we even worry about anything would make us feel weak in front of those that we respect and or love the most. That is unacceptable, we are to have all the answers, carry the burden and do the worrying without whining about it. Yes talking to our wives about our worries and fears is whining. For his generation a man does not whine at any cost, nor does a man burden those around him with worries or problems.

Right or wrong, and it depends on what generation your from, this is the law for men.

Sorry guys for giving away our secrets, but its for a good cause.

Diakonos
 Quoting: Diakonos


Thank you so very much Diakonos. You seem like you must be a very warm person who is very centered and rational.
Funny thing is, i have a couple guy friends who i can TALK to and they open up about their thoughts and feelings and yet the person i feel the closest to emotionally, i can't seem to find a way to communicate with him any longer.
Somehow i just need to find a way to dis-connect emotionally. Just feels like it is the only way i can get thru this hump.
Thank you once again!hugs
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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04/14/2012 09:16 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Why did you not want to go with him to the hardware store, you should of went im sure in the car ride you would of had a chance to talk and get out and breathe some fresh air, I dont know your reasons not to go but you should of went. What if at the hardware store he sees something for the house or you see something and that could lead to him wanting to do some work around the house. Little things like that can make a big difference its good that he wanted to go with you. Reguarding the issue on having a discussion we as men really dont like to over think things and sadly women tend to over think things alot its normal. If he assiociates having a discussion with an arguement thats not right but its give and take
 Quoting: Noddin' Out Melody


To be honest, the reason i didn't want to go is because i feel he needs to be able to see that i am not happy with his treatment of me. How else can you get thru to someone who won't talk?
Usually what i do, is i just kinda keep to myself and try to look at things from a distance. Then i start to see that it is just a temporary fix to what is seeming to be a permanent situation unfortunately.
So...i think the solution is just to keep working on myself and if things change, fine, it not it will prove its time to let go and move on.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
04/14/2012 10:04 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Eureka! The lady's post gives us the key. She has her own money and really supports herself; as well, she helps her husband out occasionally, giving him money for his business.

So - the guy's ego is in a knot.

All the booby goodies and purple sucks in the world are not going to change the fact that in his mind, he is not the breadwinner.

So what does he do? He is punishing the woman. It's not a conscious act on his part. His manhood feels threatened. Mind you, he can still 'perform', and she still loves him.

But she wonders why he doesn't talk to her, and why he seems to be taking advantage of her.

Why is that, really? Answer: He resents her.

This is childish and self-destructive on his part. But the husband is never going to change.

Maybe he will grow up in 10 or 15 years. But by then, he will have a bitter woman who no longer loves him.

There is nothing more poisonous to a relationship than one partner being jealous of the other's money, or the other's abilities.

End it. Move on.
 Quoting: eternalu


+1

Don't stay unhappy OP.

Good luck!

hf
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2012 10:08 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Sounds like he is angry or hurt. Try asking him if there is anything that happened between you two. Did something happen that broke your trust?
 Quoting: RayGun


Last time we talked, and that was only because i talked to his friend and told him that i was thinking about leaving, he came to me and we talked.
I told him most all that was bothering me, and i told him to do the same....just tell me what i do that bothers you because if you don't, i can't do anything about it.
He said that nothing bothers him.....oooookkkkkk!!!!
Come on, we all know its impossible to live with another human and not have them do things that bother us...it may be trivial, but it if its something i do or don't do, i want to know. I can't change what i don't know about.
There hasn't been any trust issues....just all lack of communication.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940


To men, admitting there is a problem or that we even worry about anything would make us feel weak in front of those that we respect and or love the most. That is unacceptable, we are to have all the answers, carry the burden and do the worrying without whining about it. Yes talking to our wives about our worries and fears is whining. For his generation a man does not whine at any cost, nor does a man burden those around him with worries or problems.

Right or wrong, and it depends on what generation your from, this is the law for men.

Sorry guys for giving away our secrets, but its for a good cause.

Diakonos
 Quoting: Diakonos


You shouldn't generalize, Diakonos.

Not being able to show emotion with YOUR WIFE is a big fuckin problem.
TruthIsIllusion

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04/14/2012 10:19 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Seems like he's not satisfied with something...

spice it up.

clean in the kitchen
dirty in the bedroom

you gotta open up sexually.
Literally.
"Do you want to see truth? If so, then open your eyes and see the ever-changing nature of reality. See fully the connection between reality and truth. See clearly how knowledge, belief, conclusions and The Image cannot ever be truth."
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2012 10:23 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
And here I am with a wife who won't say a damn word...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1558374


same boat...15 yrs and she wont say a word.I could tell her im going out back to blow my head off and shed tell me not to make a mess.
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2012 10:44 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
men get tired of being the one to initiate sex.

to "even the score" you will have to coddle his feelings and do all the things you can think of to make yourself attractive .

it may take months or years, after all the ratio of men catering to women vrs the other way is probably 1000 to 1.

At least in the process you will begin to have an idea of what men have to go through.

------
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14383807
United States
04/14/2012 10:47 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Hey Doll, I have the same question, but its my wife....she grew up in a family that never talked or communicated and now I am about insane from so many years of lack of adult discussion on life plans and decisions. Its bullshit

so drop me a line Id love to talk with an intelligent female adult.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13328829
United States
04/14/2012 10:52 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Breaking up is always the right answer.

Getting married is always the wrong answer.

You talking monkeys are getting dumber every year.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14360083
United States
04/14/2012 10:57 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
When you mention divorce or actually divorce them they sure start talking.
Becareful what you wish for you might get one that won't ever shut up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1201807
United States
04/14/2012 11:04 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
For all you guys out there who refuse to talk and communicate with your wives, i just want to know what keeps you from doing so? Why is it so hard to just TALK????

My husband will not talk, and i have tried to talk to him and i am through with trying to "be there for him". I just want to put as much distance as i can because i am so frustrated with not having him to talk to.
For starters, we have been married for 5 yrs now.....i do almost everything around here.....no help from him hardly EVERf. We have 10 acres and there is always a ton of work to do around here.
My husband works for himself and doesn't want to do ANYTHING around here. I have told him before, if he doesn't want to do the work, then PAY SOMEONE ELSE to do it but don't just leave this place go to hell.
I do the housework and the outside work such as gardening, yard work etc... and he will not help at all.
I know the guy loves me as a person, not sure if he is even in love with me anymore (altho he says he is, his actions speak otherwise).
I'm tired of being a maid. I get tired of all his friends/family being allowed to store all their junk here so they don't have to pile up their yards with STUFF.

He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


Easy one...Stop doing all you do and start going to happy hour as they do ( No, I don't believe in drinking)..My guess is he will start talking soon.
William_the_Bloody

User ID: 14110806
United States
04/14/2012 11:05 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
I'm a guy who doesn't like to talk too much.

First of all, Idle Pratter is useless. How's your day? Same as the 340,000 before it, most likely. How about that weather? It's about what you'd expect, given the season.

How do I feel? Constant. I remain steadfast.

I just don't need the noise. At any given time my goal is to zen-out and let the brain flow with whatever it's going to flow with.

Dialogue typically goes as such:

"How do you like Dinner?"
"I like it, it's great!"
"So, you like it, then?"
"Yeah, real great...you've really outdone yourself this time."
"Would you have it again?"
"Yeah, I said I like it..."

(This goes on for 10 minutes.)

Worse, she comes home from work and immediately verbally relives the entire shift, verbatim, complete with dramatic pauses where I'm supposed to react in shock or whatever emotion is being solicited. We do the same job, so none of these stories are all that shocking to me, nor do they typically effect me emotionally. Nor do I bring my stories home for reliving. I feel, when she's doing this, that there should be a timeclock I can punch into and get paid.

The reality is that there is very, very little to talk about once you're living with someone.

When I hang out with my friend(s) we talk about dumb shit, aruge, counterpoint...the whole thing. Why? Because we're "out' and in that mode.

The same friend, when we lived together as roommates...we barely said 3 words to each other for days on end. Why? We weren't in that mode.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11698818
Canada
04/14/2012 11:19 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
I'm a guy who doesn't like to talk too much.

First of all, Idle Pratter is useless. How's your day? Same as the 340,000 before it, most likely. How about that weather? It's about what you'd expect, given the season.

How do I feel? Constant. I remain steadfast.

I just don't need the noise. At any given time my goal is to zen-out and let the brain flow with whatever it's going to flow with.

Dialogue typically goes as such:

"How do you like Dinner?"
"I like it, it's great!"
"So, you like it, then?"
"Yeah, real great...you've really outdone yourself this time."
"Would you have it again?"
"Yeah, I said I like it..."

(This goes on for 10 minutes.)

Worse, she comes home from work and immediately verbally relives the entire shift, verbatim, complete with dramatic pauses where I'm supposed to react in shock or whatever emotion is being solicited. We do the same job, so none of these stories are all that shocking to me, nor do they typically effect me emotionally. Nor do I bring my stories home for reliving. I feel, when she's doing this, that there should be a timeclock I can punch into and get paid.

The reality is that there is very, very little to talk about once you're living with someone.

When I hang out with my friend(s) we talk about dumb shit, aruge, counterpoint...the whole thing. Why? Because we're "out' and in that mode.

The same friend, when we lived together as roommates...we barely said 3 words to each other for days on end. Why? We weren't in that mode.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


you would be torture to live with, for most women.

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