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Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????

 
Jack Daphne

User ID: 1453422
United States
04/14/2012 11:23 AM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Honey...figure it out now...not like me after 32 years of marriage...

What makes you happy? Do it.

"I am woman hear me roar!"
"I am my own best friend!"


Let go and let live.

My spouse has a "name engraved golden barstool".

Nothing I say or do will ever change the made up mind of a person. Especially if it's got "happy hour" written
all over it!


So I go and do whatever I want.

And...if my spouse dictates to me to do something...I say okay, and then I do exactly what I want to do as if
nothing was ever said.

We don't talk to each other. Watching the samething
over and over each day is old.

Get up, go to work, leave work,
play golf, go to bar, sit on golden bar stool
drink till drunk thirty, grab bites, go to bed.

I refuse to stand at the bar everyday,
it's boring. So let go and let live!

I don't need someone to hold my hand, even though
it would be nice for someone to be nice to me.
Say nice things to me. I'm a sucker for being
treated nice. But I ain't gonna beg for it.

Fuck it. Keep peace in the family,
let him pay the bills and you enjoy life!

peace
Ms. Lauryn Hill Touring The World...!

Awesome Music!
Awesome Show!
Awesome Lady!

www.lauryn-hill.com

Find New Music
starsuncharted.com

The GLP Song
[link to soundcloud.com]

"REVIS"
Our World Needs This Music!
"Save Our Souls"
[link to m.youtube.com]
William_the_Bloody

User ID: 14110806
United States
04/14/2012 11:38 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Honey...figure it out now...not like me after 32 years of marriage...

What makes you happy? Do it.

"I am woman hear me roar!"
"I am my own best friend!"


Let go and let live.

My spouse has a "name engraved golden barstool".

Nothing I say or do will ever change the made up mind of a person. Especially if it's got "happy hour" written
all over it!


So I go and do whatever I want.

And...if my spouse dictates to me to do something...I say okay, and then I do exactly what I want to do as if
nothing was ever said.

We don't talk to each other. Watching the samething
over and over each day is old.

Get up, go to work, leave work,
play golf, go to bar, sit on golden bar stool
drink till drunk thirty, grab bites, go to bed.

I refuse to stand at the bar everyday,
it's boring. So let go and let live!

I don't need someone to hold my hand, even though
it would be nice for someone to be nice to me.
Say nice things to me. I'm a sucker for being
treated nice. But I ain't gonna beg for it.

Fuck it. Keep peace in the family,
let him pay the bills and you enjoy life!

peace
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


This.

And when Women do this it tends to snap us out of our hypnosis long enough to hold a hand or ask "How was your day?" because for once we truly don't know.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13926649
United States
04/14/2012 11:49 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
For all you guys out there who refuse to talk and communicate with your wives, i just want to know what keeps you from doing so? Why is it so hard to just TALK????

My husband will not talk, and i have tried to talk to him and i am through with trying to "be there for him". I just want to put as much distance as i can because i am so frustrated with not having him to talk to.
For starters, we have been married for 5 yrs now.....i do almost everything around here.....no help from him hardly EVERf. We have 10 acres and there is always a ton of work to do around here.
My husband works for himself and doesn't want to do ANYTHING around here. I have told him before, if he doesn't want to do the work, then PAY SOMEONE ELSE to do it but don't just leave this place go to hell.
I do the housework and the outside work such as gardening, yard work etc... and he will not help at all.
I know the guy loves me as a person, not sure if he is even in love with me anymore (altho he says he is, his actions speak otherwise).
I'm tired of being a maid. I get tired of all his friends/family being allowed to store all their junk here so they don't have to pile up their yards with STUFF.

He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


You're the one hurting, he isn't. Men only have about 1/2 the amount of brain material devoted to speech as women. He won't ever talk a lot, no matter what you say. Get over it.
If you want something done around the house, put it on a written Honey do list. If he doesn't do it in a reasonable amount of time, hire someone to do it. Don;'t wait for him to do this, do it yourself. Tell him what you are going to do with the honey do list before you start. You should be entitled to at least as much money for this as he is drinking every night.
Other people can't make you unhappy unless you let them. Just do what you need to do, and stop worrying about it.
Tell the people with shit stored on your property that they need to come and get it before you sell it at auction or yard sale. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
You've got to demand respect and not be a doormat. Half of your place is YOURS.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13926649
United States
04/14/2012 11:52 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
For all you guys out there who refuse to talk and communicate with your wives, i just want to know what keeps you from doing so? Why is it so hard to just TALK????

My husband will not talk, and i have tried to talk to him and i am through with trying to "be there for him". I just want to put as much distance as i can because i am so frustrated with not having him to talk to.
For starters, we have been married for 5 yrs now.....i do almost everything around here.....no help from him hardly EVERf. We have 10 acres and there is always a ton of work to do around here.
My husband works for himself and doesn't want to do ANYTHING around here. I have told him before, if he doesn't want to do the work, then PAY SOMEONE ELSE to do it but don't just leave this place go to hell.
I do the housework and the outside work such as gardening, yard work etc... and he will not help at all.
I know the guy loves me as a person, not sure if he is even in love with me anymore (altho he says he is, his actions speak otherwise).
I'm tired of being a maid. I get tired of all his friends/family being allowed to store all their junk here so they don't have to pile up their yards with STUFF.

He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


You're the one hurting, he isn't. Men only have about 1/2 the amount of brain material devoted to speech as women. He won't ever talk a lot, no matter what you say. Get over it.
If you want something done around the house, put it on a written Honey do list. If he doesn't do it in a reasonable amount of time, hire someone to do it. Don;'t wait for him to do this, do it yourself. Tell him what you are going to do with the honey do list before you start. You should be entitled to at least as much money for this as he is drinking every night.
Other people can't make you unhappy unless you let them. Just do what you need to do, and stop worrying about it.
Tell the people with shit stored on your property that they need to come and get it before you sell it at auction or yard sale. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
You've got to demand respect and not be a doormat. Half of your place is YOURS.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13926649



PS. Humans don't normally change against their will unless there is a slight amount of pain involved. I don't mean attack him, but stop being all talk. The financial pain when you hire someone might be enough, but who knows?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4714791
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04/14/2012 11:54 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????

To be honest, the reason i didn't want to go is because i feel he needs to be able to see that i am not happy with his treatment of me. How else can you get thru to someone who won't talk?
Usually what i do, is i just kinda keep to myself and try to look at things from a distance. Then i start to see that it is just a temporary fix to what is seeming to be a permanent situation unfortunately.
So...i think the solution is just to keep working on myself and if things change, fine, it not it will prove its time to let go and move on.


He took that as a complete rejection. You refusing to talk to him and turning down an opportunity to be together is not helping things and completely the opposite of what you say you want.

"i FEEL he NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO SEE... " yuck. Read some relationship books. He is probably a decent guy you are making feel like a piece of dirt.

Men are more likely to open up while driving when they don't have to make direct eye contact. After losing money, his penis, etc., driving you is the one macho thing he has left and you just snubbed him on it.

Ask him to drive you places and find the opportunities to talk when they appear instead of trying to force them.
Jack Daphne

User ID: 1453422
United States
04/14/2012 11:56 AM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Honey...figure it out now...not like me after 32 years of marriage...

What makes you happy? Do it.

"I am woman hear me roar!"
"I am my own best friend!"


Let go and let live.

My spouse has a "name engraved golden barstool".

Nothing I say or do will ever change the made up mind of a person. Especially if it's got "happy hour" written
all over it!


So I go and do whatever I want.

And...if my spouse dictates to me to do something...I say okay, and then I do exactly what I want to do as if
nothing was ever said.

We don't talk to each other. Watching the samething
over and over each day is old.

Get up, go to work, leave work,
play golf, go to bar, sit on golden bar stool
drink till drunk thirty, grab bites, go to bed.

I refuse to stand at the bar everyday,
it's boring. So let go and let live!

I don't need someone to hold my hand, even though
it would be nice for someone to be nice to me.
Say nice things to me. I'm a sucker for being
treated nice. But I ain't gonna beg for it.

Fuck it. Keep peace in the family,
let him pay the bills and you enjoy life!

peace
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


This.

And when Women do this it tends to snap us out of our hypnosis long enough to hold a hand or ask "How was your day?" because for once we truly don't know.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody



Thanks Bill.

It has helped in the quest for one to be nicer, yet that 'ole golf club/happy hour is still #1 and always will, and I'll always be second fiddle...so I've resolved myself to this and do exactly when and what...whenever.

When a person has more respect for the bar friends, shots of VO, and beer chasers than a marriage of 32 years...then let go and let live.

I'm a 54 hot tamale, lookin' 40...and I don't need no
stickin' badges.

peace
Ms. Lauryn Hill Touring The World...!

Awesome Music!
Awesome Show!
Awesome Lady!

www.lauryn-hill.com

Find New Music
starsuncharted.com

The GLP Song
[link to soundcloud.com]

"REVIS"
Our World Needs This Music!
"Save Our Souls"
[link to m.youtube.com]
William_the_Bloody

User ID: 14110806
United States
04/14/2012 12:04 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Yeah, I really don't know what to say about Men who drink. I think drinking is really intellectually, spiritually and socially awful, and there's no vow I could take that wouldn't be null-and-void by alcoholic behaviour.
Jack Daphne

User ID: 1453422
United States
04/14/2012 12:21 PM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Yeah, I really don't know what to say about Men who drink. I think drinking is really intellectually, spiritually and socially awful, and there's no vow I could take that wouldn't be null-and-void by alcoholic behaviour.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


Interestingly put.

I enjoy a cold beer, but not to the point of intoxication.

During my teenage years one would look forward to party on the
week-end. Had to get a better buzz than the week-end before.

But as one matures, one puts away certain toys,
certain behaviors, out grows them.

And then...some just like it, some
just don't mature, some have to have it.
Self medicating 110%.


A walk of life.



Peace, Be Still...
Pray For The True peace Of Jerusalem
Ms. Lauryn Hill Touring The World...!

Awesome Music!
Awesome Show!
Awesome Lady!

www.lauryn-hill.com

Find New Music
starsuncharted.com

The GLP Song
[link to soundcloud.com]

"REVIS"
Our World Needs This Music!
"Save Our Souls"
[link to m.youtube.com]
William_the_Bloody

User ID: 14110806
United States
04/14/2012 12:32 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Yeah, I really don't know what to say about Men who drink. I think drinking is really intellectually, spiritually and socially awful, and there's no vow I could take that wouldn't be null-and-void by alcoholic behaviour.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


Interestingly put.

I enjoy a cold beer, but not to the point of intoxication.

During my teenage years one would look forward to party on the
week-end. Had to get a better buzz than the week-end before.

But as one matures, one puts away certain toys,
certain behaviors, out grows them.

And then...some just like it, some
just don't mature, some have to have it.
Self medicating 110%.


A walk of life.



Peace, Be Still...
Pray For The True peace Of Jerusalem
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


Well, that but it's also a disease that progresses into wanton self-destruction, and destruction of those around you who enable you.

Some never get to that point.

I liken it to this:

I'm not going to live with someone who puts one round in the chamber, spins the barrel, holds it to their head and squeezes the trigger once a day and forces me to watch.

If you haven't seen the ultimate horror of Alcohol addiction, smelled it, washed it...you might remain light-hearted and poetic about it.

I've seen it.
Mickeyblue
User ID: 9806228
United States
04/14/2012 12:37 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
I was speaking with a retired fire captain yesterday and he told me that most all men are jerks and self centered. Several men had told me that over the years.

Nothing will change until you do. Sorry to say that but it is true.

Ask yourself, what, outside of those things which you feel are really moral and ethical obligations in your contributions to your family, would you personally pursue to grow or enhance yourself?? Be really serious and honest in this and when you find your answer make time to follow this. You have to find a path that allows you to grow and to feel good about so that there is something positive that is not reliant upon him to give to you.

Hawk made what can be said of a typical disconnected "don't bother me about your problems" statement. Your husband seems to be having no trouble about living that same way. It really has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not but the fact that he has been able to do pretty much what he wants to compensate or whatever and you need to not look to him for what you need. Nothing will be different until you change something. When you are not dependent upon asking something from them they begin to take notice, that is a fact.

I do not mean dramatically but really offer yourself something outside of responsibility as that gets used in the way they see your fuliflling that as laying a guilt trip on them. Boys do this with mothers from day one and then transfer to those wives who accept it.

Another thing, perhaps living on the 10 acres is not his paradyme? Examine that part of the quotient if you will. If it really is not then eliminating that might alter a number of things, free storage issues, the rv guy(drinking companion). You have to be honest because living in a condo with little responsibilities might result in the same behaviour.
Anonymous Coward
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04/14/2012 12:46 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Did you stop blowing him after you got married?
Jack Daphne

User ID: 1453422
United States
04/14/2012 12:59 PM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Yeah, I really don't know what to say about Men who drink. I think drinking is really intellectually, spiritually and socially awful, and there's no vow I could take that wouldn't be null-and-void by alcoholic behaviour.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


Interestingly put.

I enjoy a cold beer, but not to the point of intoxication.

During my teenage years one would look forward to party on the
week-end. Had to get a better buzz than the week-end before.

But as one matures, one puts away certain toys,
certain behaviors, out grows them.

And then...some just like it, some
just don't mature, some have to have it.
Self medicating 110%.


A walk of life.



Peace, Be Still...
Pray For The True peace Of Jerusalem
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


Well, that but it's also a disease that progresses into wanton self-destruction, and destruction of those around you who enable you.

Some never get to that point.

I liken it to this:

I'm not going to live with someone who puts one round in the chamber, spins the barrel, holds it to their head and squeezes the trigger once a day and forces me to watch.

If you haven't seen the ultimate horror of Alcohol addiction, smelled it, washed it...you might remain light-hearted and poetic about it.

I've seen it.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody



Yes, agree. I too have seen the addiction.

It scars one's soul.

The hurt never leaves, only goes into the back of
your heart and waits to revisit on occasion.
Ms. Lauryn Hill Touring The World...!

Awesome Music!
Awesome Show!
Awesome Lady!

www.lauryn-hill.com

Find New Music
starsuncharted.com

The GLP Song
[link to soundcloud.com]

"REVIS"
Our World Needs This Music!
"Save Our Souls"
[link to m.youtube.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1551877
United States
04/14/2012 01:02 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
did you miss this thread? Thread: Make no mistake Fukashima Is An Extinction Level Event.
William_the_Bloody

User ID: 14110806
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04/14/2012 01:07 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1551877


There's not a lot of substance in that thread. I'm going to worry about Fukushima when I hear that people are dropping dead in Japan.

Honestly, I'm not sure it's even a real thing. Apart from EQ cleanup, things seem awfully normal over there for an ELE.

Could it be the media is fabricating this story?
Jack Daphne

User ID: 1453422
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04/14/2012 01:16 PM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1551877


There's not a lot of substance in that thread. I'm going to worry about Fukushima when I hear that people are dropping dead in Japan.

Honestly, I'm not sure it's even a real thing. Apart from EQ cleanup, things seem awfully normal over there for an ELE.

Could it be the media is fabricating this story?
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


Would they do such a thing?

Heavens to Betsy!



Peace, Be Still...
Pray For The True peace Of Jerusalem
Ms. Lauryn Hill Touring The World...!

Awesome Music!
Awesome Show!
Awesome Lady!

www.lauryn-hill.com

Find New Music
starsuncharted.com

The GLP Song
[link to soundcloud.com]

"REVIS"
Our World Needs This Music!
"Save Our Souls"
[link to m.youtube.com]
That Guy.
User ID: 14393780
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04/14/2012 01:55 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
1. Don't nag. ALL MEN HATE NAGGING.

2. Talking is not you telling him what you think needs to be done and him saying, "Yes dear", regardless what other women tell you. Find something else besides busywork to discuss. MEN HATE BUSYWORK.

3. He has a job already, why does have to help you with yours? It's understandable you need a break now and then, take it, you deserve it. Make it a break for both of you to have fun and you'll enjoy it more. Hire a sitter, it's worth it.

4. You have a checkbook, use it. Hire a gardener or better yet get the mooch to do the yard work in lieu of rent and possibly earning some spending cash. (no free rides) Men feel better when they're making some money. Also, delegation is the key to happiness, you don't have to do EVERY DAMN THING YOURSELF. You have kids it's never too early to instill a work ethic in them with chores, provided they have something to look forward to such as an allowance. (IMO an earned allowance will be better spent or saved.)

5. Don't try to change each other, it's not going to happen. Take each other at face value and be happy with what you like about each other, forget about the other shit. You'll be happier for it.

6. And whatever you do don't use sex as a bargaining chip, that never ends well. Do it cause you feel like it, not because you want to get something else out of it. Once you put a price on sex, unfavorable comparisons usually follow, quicky followed by divorce, and then vagimony. MEN HATE VAGIMONY.

7. Smile. You'd be surprised what a man will do to see a woman smile.


That's my .02 cents, take what you need, toss the rest.hugs
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 14110940
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04/18/2012 11:45 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Honey...figure it out now...not like me after 32 years of marriage...

What makes you happy? Do it.

"I am woman hear me roar!"
"I am my own best friend!"


Let go and let live.

My spouse has a "name engraved golden barstool".

Nothing I say or do will ever change the made up mind of a person. Especially if it's got "happy hour" written
all over it!


So I go and do whatever I want.

And...if my spouse dictates to me to do something...I say okay, and then I do exactly what I want to do as if
nothing was ever said.

We don't talk to each other. Watching the samething
over and over each day is old.

Get up, go to work, leave work,
play golf, go to bar, sit on golden bar stool
drink till drunk thirty, grab bites, go to bed.

I refuse to stand at the bar everyday,
it's boring. So let go and let live!

I don't need someone to hold my hand, even though
it would be nice for someone to be nice to me.
Say nice things to me. I'm a sucker for being
treated nice. But I ain't gonna beg for it.

Fuck it. Keep peace in the family,
let him pay the bills and you enjoy life!

peace
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


Yes, i know exactly what you mean. I too will not beg for companionship and the only reason this is holding together at all is because i allow him to treat me that way because i don't want him to be unhappy.
I have and continue to just do my own thing....the only thing between us is small talk that is totally meaningless and i refuse to do that anymore.....NO MORE!!!
I sold my home and practically gave everything away as that is what he wanted me to do.....BIG MISTAKE!
Now i have no home to return to where i could afford the mortgage on my own, so i don't really have a choice but to stay.
So its either going to come down to he gets tired of it and leaves, continue this charade or he makes the necessary changes because i am unwilling at this point to bend any further to accomodate. I am at my limit...to do otherwise would just be a total doormat.
Hope you found peace....thanks for responding.
Anonymous Coward
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04/18/2012 11:51 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
works every time.

just walk up to him and ask if you could suck his penis
Anonymous Coward
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04/18/2012 11:53 AM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Ask him who he likes in the super bowl this year.
TheCreepygeek

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04/18/2012 12:01 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
"i do almost everything around here.....no help from him hardly EVERf. We have 10 acres and there is always a ton of work to do around here.
My husband works for himself and doesn't want to do ANYTHING around here"

10Acres? Your husband must be earning a whole lot of cash in his job. You know. paying for everything while you bitch and moan!

Instead of Moaning why don't you hire a Gardener, A maid, A nanny to take some of the load of your fat lazy ass so you have more time for yourself.

The reason he'snot talking to you may be a few things.

1) Working too hard leaving him exhausted.
2) You moan at him like you just moaned at us. I'd avoid you too you self centred weirdo.
3) You got fat and ugly by spending all day on the internet to chat to strangers while your husband pays the bills.
Lemon

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04/18/2012 12:10 PM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Two Airline tickets to St. Thomas (US Virgin Island).

Take the Ferry to St. Johns.

Camp on the Beach for a weekend.

Then explore the islands by boat for a few days.

Get Scuba Certified.

Peace.
**I'm all out of bubblegum
Bowyn Aerrow

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04/18/2012 12:14 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Men think/act differently than women.

I strongly suggest you start off reading the Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus type books out there and start getting a grasp of these differences.


Once you have that under your belt you may find ways to communicate in a way he can understand.
"My Dog, its full of fleas!"
-David Bowwow


“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.”
- William S. Burroughs
Anonymous Coward
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04/18/2012 12:20 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


Sounds like your husband is basically an alcoholic. I've been married to two and have many in my family. It appears you have different goals and interests, which is really annoying in your case because life in the country takes a lot of work.

It's not up to you to change! Nor can YOU change him. I recommend that you google Alanon in your area and go to a meeting. This is a free support group, nationwide, for families of alcoholics. You can hear what others are doing, don't have to say a word yourself unless you want to, and can clarify what you want in your life and what you can do to get that.

Good luck. There are even ways to have your marriage back if your husband should choose recovery over addiction.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12277064
India
04/18/2012 12:24 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
For all you guys out there who refuse to talk and communicate with your wives, i just want to know what keeps you from doing so? Why is it so hard to just TALK????

My husband will not talk, and i have tried to talk to him and i am through with trying to "be there for him". I just want to put as much distance as i can because i am so frustrated with not having him to talk to.
For starters, we have been married for 5 yrs now.....i do almost everything around here.....no help from him hardly EVERf. We have 10 acres and there is always a ton of work to do around here.
My husband works for himself and doesn't want to do ANYTHING around here. I have told him before, if he doesn't want to do the work, then PAY SOMEONE ELSE to do it but don't just leave this place go to hell.
I do the housework and the outside work such as gardening, yard work etc... and he will not help at all.
I know the guy loves me as a person, not sure if he is even in love with me anymore (altho he says he is, his actions speak otherwise).
I'm tired of being a maid. I get tired of all his friends/family being allowed to store all their junk here so they don't have to pile up their yards with STUFF.

He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


you seem to think guys should babble up for hours.guys dont do that.after hard day of work,guys just shut up.there is no place in mind but for a quick fuck and drink and dinner.why he should talk you?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12277064
India
04/18/2012 12:25 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
He has to go to happy hour now every nite...this is since his friend moved out back in his RV (and sponges off my husband who can't say no to him) and the friend goes to happy hour every nite and since he has lived here for 3 yrs my husband goes to happy hour every nite too!!!
I said something in the beginning and he stopped going every nite and then by a couple weeks later he had started going again every nite so i just refuse to say anything ever again about it!
I love him and have tried to talk to him but its just no use, nothing changes and so i just try to avoid him and just go about doing my own thing....otherwise i wouldn't be able to keep my anger in check..... so this way i won't be a nag or show my irritation with him.
If anyone can give any insight on how i can change myself or improve the chances on getting him to talk to me, i welcome your replies before this relationship gets any more sour.
 Quoting: irritated as hell 14110940


Sounds like your husband is basically an alcoholic. I've been married to two and have many in my family. It appears you have different goals and interests, which is really annoying in your case because life in the country takes a lot of work.

It's not up to you to change! Nor can YOU change him. I recommend that you google Alanon in your area and go to a meeting. This is a free support group, nationwide, for families of alcoholics. You can hear what others are doing, don't have to say a word yourself unless you want to, and can clarify what you want in your life and what you can do to get that.

Good luck. There are even ways to have your marriage back if your husband should choose recovery over addiction.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1238594

no this wife is too controlling woman.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12277064
India
04/18/2012 12:27 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Honey...figure it out now...not like me after 32 years of marriage...

What makes you happy? Do it.

"I am woman hear me roar!"
"I am my own best friend!"


Let go and let live.

My spouse has a "name engraved golden barstool".

Nothing I say or do will ever change the made up mind of a person. Especially if it's got "happy hour" written
all over it!


So I go and do whatever I want.

And...if my spouse dictates to me to do something...I say okay, and then I do exactly what I want to do as if
nothing was ever said.

We don't talk to each other. Watching the samething
over and over each day is old.

Get up, go to work, leave work,
play golf, go to bar, sit on golden bar stool
drink till drunk thirty, grab bites, go to bed.

I refuse to stand at the bar everyday,
it's boring. So let go and let live!

I don't need someone to hold my hand, even though
it would be nice for someone to be nice to me.
Say nice things to me. I'm a sucker for being
treated nice. But I ain't gonna beg for it.

Fuck it. Keep peace in the family,
let him pay the bills and you enjoy life!

peace
 Quoting: Jack Daphne


Yes, i know exactly what you mean. I too will not beg for companionship and the only reason this is holding together at all is because i allow him to treat me that way because i don't want him to be unhappy.
I have and continue to just do my own thing....the only thing between us is small talk that is totally meaningless and i refuse to do that anymore.....NO MORE!!!
I sold my home and practically gave everything away as that is what he wanted me to do.....BIG MISTAKE!
Now i have no home to return to where i could afford the mortgage on my own, so i don't really have a choice but to stay.
So its either going to come down to he gets tired of it and leaves, continue this charade or he makes the necessary changes because i am unwilling at this point to bend any further to accomodate. I am at my limit...to do otherwise would just be a total doormat.
Hope you found peace....thanks for responding.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14110940

most of your talk is focussed on yourself."my,mine,i".There is no other for you in your world.
Face Palmer
Educating GLP, One tard at a time

User ID: 14645128
Germany
04/18/2012 12:37 PM

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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
I sense hubby may have depressions.
"The world will soon wake up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payments on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title."

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1526634
United States
04/18/2012 12:40 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
This thread is a great example of why the concept of marriage is so extremely retarded.

- You meet someone,

- you don't know them,

- you are both sexually and/or emotionally attracted,

- so you mutually decide to try get to know each other,

- but, you crave each other, so both parties put on their best mask, so as not to repel the other, so you have a rosy, illusory period, a "Honeymoon Period" if you will,

- You're together for some time, and based on that experience, you decide to promise to stay together for the rest of your lives

- Whoops, 'cause people change. they develop, evolve, or they diminish, decay, as people...after years, they are no longer the person you wanted to live with

- But, because of a senseless stigma, people stay, miserable, frustrated, angry...they stay in this warped relationship, because of a promise made to a person who no longer exists.

- Even more insane, these vows that were taken have absolutely no real value, because, though both parties promised to remain together (AND in Love) forever, they're perfectly free at any time to end it.




RE-TAR-DA-TION
Wookiee666

User ID: 1362361
United States
04/18/2012 01:01 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
I don't talk much, to anyone. Has he always been like this? If so, you're out of luck. If not, what could you have done (real or imagined) that would have pissed him off?

You could try this ...
Stop doing things on the property.
Start going to happy hour with him.

If that doesn't change things, it's time to move on.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5660347
United Kingdom
04/18/2012 01:12 PM
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Re: Guys....how do i get my husband to talk to me????
Talk about stuff he's interested in and try not to pry into his deep feelings on any matter, he'll think your being noesy and it will be revealing a weakness, guys don't like to think about stuff they're not into, it's a waste of time effort.

Oh try your best not to go off at tangents in the conversation, it will literally jar his brain like a physical jolt and stupify the guy.

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