The hang out...

Hopefully my true friend has a good friend to bail us both out...

Killers among killers, the beauty of striving to live.

At 21 seconds, look at the face.

lOl

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day.
He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.

Little Johnny said,
"Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."

The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow
he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord.
Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house.
"You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."

"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."

The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"

"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."

LOL !!! :)

Double posts ! I am having a lot of trouble with my computer this evening. Anyone else experiencing problems???

Last Edited by tiger1 on 10/12/2012 09:34 PM

Digitalgoodtime seems to have left this forum. He was a real cool poster.He will be missed.

That will be a good one, it wont pull the numbers of a title match but still two big names.

NEOLOGISMS
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The top 8 winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

Last Edited by RoXY on 10/14/2012 01:08 PM

This was one of the best events of this year. Outstanding fights.

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
...



Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

LOL !!! TOOO FUNNY !!! :)

Anyone here ever work on their genealogy? I have gotten on my family lines back to at least the 1700's and got one line back to 1500's (patting myself on the back atm) and found out I am related to a saint (yeah I know its scary to think about that I think hell is frozen.

O well just wanted to brag a bit..

Hope your all doing good.

...and remember the early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Wow! Super Cool.

My Ma's lineage is online at the islandregistry for PEI.
My Dad's, I have a hardcopy with pics dating back to the 1700's. It's really cool. I look (and act, according to my grand uncle) just like my great, great grand uncle from Stara Zagora.
He was a professor, a boisterous, happy good man from the mid-1800's. He remained single his whole life but had many gf's.


LoL.

I added a big portion of our family tree to the internet with the myheritage software

I think it is fun to do.. alot of work but fun to see how much people are alike. And to boot you never really realized the whole kissing cousins thing till you have both blood lines running through Tenn.... LOL..

Tis the season...




A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

* * * *

A few days after Halloween, Sally came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked why her grades were so low.
Sally answered, "Because everything is marked down after holidays!"

* * * *

Q: What do ghosts eat for breakfast on Halloween?
A: Shrouded Wheat. Ghost Toasties. Scream of Wheat. Terr-fried eggs. Rice Creepies.

* * * *

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body home?

* * * *

Peter: Do you like the vampire?
Jack: Yes, it was love at first bite!

* * * *

Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

* * * *

David: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Joseph: I don’t know.
David: The Boogie Man!

* * * *

Q: How do monsters tell their future?
A: They read their horrorscope.

* * * *

Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

* * * *

Martin: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Boo and Gold.
Martin: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: I give up.
Martin: Brew and Gold.
Martin: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Pack meetings, of course!

* * * *

Q: What do call the ratio of a jack-o-lantern’s circumference to it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.

* * * *

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it's Halloween...

* * * *

Q: What do call the ratio of a jack-o-lantern’s circumference to it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.

* * * *


Advice to a witch on a broomstick: "Don't fly off the handle!"

* * * *

Three women have a group consultation with their doctor to discuss sex determination in their efforts to get pregnant.

The first lady proclaims that she wants a little boy.

Doc says "That's easy, have missionary sex with your husband on top. This displays male dominance and so you will conceive a boy."

Second lady proclaims that she really wants a little girl.

Doc says "That's easy, too. Ride your husband cowgirl style, which shows female dominance. You will conceive a girl this way."

The third lady is in the corner crying hysterically.

The Doc asks "My goodness ma'am, what's wrong?"

The lady looks up at the Doc and screams:

"I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE PUPPIES!!!"

LOL !!! It is always good to start off your day with some good laughs !!!

This is sooo funny ! I just about choked on my tea !!!

Ohh thats good :)

I had a great weekend so far. I hope all of you have had the same. Went to Kings island Haunt... Always fun I love Halloween.

I thought the birthday posts were funny.

Last Edited by WindyMind on 10/21/2012 10:48 PM

My youngest and her boyfriend went to the Fright Fest at 6 Flags Amusement Park in Gurnee Illinois today. I know she is going to be real tired when she gets back !
I made homemade pizza yesterday, and today I have got a small turkey in the oven for a late evening dinner. :)

That's just 90 minutes from me. Last time I was there was 2001.

That day I learned the hard way that people who have had multiple concussions
should never ride roller-coasters.
Damn! I used to love them.

I hope they had a blast, it's a fun place. ;-`)

Rollercoasters were my favorite too, but I can't enjoy them anymore either. :( People that have previously broken their neck and their back, like me, would be asking for big trouble for the thrill ride. :(

My daughter just called and said they were leaving 6 Flags. She said the lines were awfull, that you had to wait up to 2 HOURS in line to get on some of the rides.They got there 2 minutes after the place opened this morning. She is exhausted, but fortunately can sleep in since her first class isn't until late afternoon.
She said that a small rock kicked up and hit the windshield on her boyfriends car on the way there. She said the rock is still imbedded in the windshield. I told her to tell her boyfriend to get that fixed ASAP before the whole windshield cracks like an eggshell.

Have to go on mother’s day, best day of the year for amusement parks. Think about it what mother wants to ride a roller coaster for mother’s day!