DESPERATE, can someone please give me some insight?

I got nothing, but I will bump your thread. Take care, yo.

OP you lack purpose.

Yeah me too. Good luck OP.

people will probably say you have psychosis or similar,google 'spiritual emergency', a good place to start.
try to find a therapist who deals with mind,body and soul healing.
Try to eat healthy food as much as possible,drink plenty of water,sit in the sun for at least 10 mins a day.
as to being abused,there is one important thing I would like to point out and that is

"you are not what has happened to you"

don't get stuck in the past,start thinking more and more on how you want your life to be in the future

start asking yourself things like 'what do I want to do in my life?'

all the best

victim of LSD maybe ?? O_O