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sex

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:01 PM
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sex
Just had sex - and afterward - was critiqued on my performance - it all made me feel very unfeminine and now I've lost interest in having sex with him. Thing is it's a committed relationship - any advice?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14596164
Canada
05/28/2012 03:03 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11934995
Canada
05/28/2012 03:03 PM
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Re: sex
reconsider the relationship -- he sounds like a jerk
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:05 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14596164



Started off by saying it could be his poor performance - but that basically I physically hurt him by being to rough

He was nice enough about it - thing is - it really hit a nerve and now I just don't want to have intimate relations with him anymore - my reaction is out of proportion to his comments - I don't know why??
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8397139
United States
05/28/2012 03:08 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14596164



Started off by saying it could be his poor performance - but that basically I physically hurt him by being to rough

He was nice enough about it - thing is - it really hit a nerve and now I just don't want to have intimate relations with him anymore - my reaction is out of proportion to his comments - I don't know why??
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


Oh my god. So that's how you guys keep warm up in Canada. I'm not sure what he means by you being "too rough" but you sound like my kind of gal!

hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:08 PM
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Re: sex
reconsider the relationship -- he sounds like a jerk
 Quoting: Swinburnian


Maybe - I was very overtired/sick did not want to have sex he persuaded me and then when it wasn't what he wanted - critiqued me - does that qualify him as a jerk - does that make sense that now that I no longer feel that safe re: having sex with him? Safe as in - emotionally safe?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11934995
Canada
05/28/2012 03:08 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14596164



Started off by saying it could be his poor performance - but that basically I physically hurt him by being to rough

He was nice enough about it - thing is - it really hit a nerve and now I just don't want to have intimate relations with him anymore - my reaction is out of proportion to his comments - I don't know why??
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


ah -- cancel my previous comment then.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1531456
United States
05/28/2012 03:09 PM
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Re: sex
He tells you hurt him and all you care about is that you were "critiqued." You're a narcassist.
He should dump you.
Why not get out of your ego and talk about it with him.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16082610
United States
05/28/2012 03:09 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14596164



Started off by saying it could be his poor performance - but that basically I physically hurt him by being to rough

He was nice enough about it - thing is - it really hit a nerve and now I just don't want to have intimate relations with him anymore - my reaction is out of proportion to his comments - I don't know why??
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


OMG!!!!you can NEVER be TOO rough sweety
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11934995
Canada
05/28/2012 03:10 PM
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Re: sex
reconsider the relationship -- he sounds like a jerk
 Quoting: Swinburnian


Maybe - I was very overtired/sick did not want to have sex he persuaded me and then when it wasn't what he wanted - critiqued me - does that qualify him as a jerk - does that make sense that now that I no longer feel that safe re: having sex with him? Safe as in - emotionally safe?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


or maybe not
it does make sense that you don't feel emotionally safe
it also makes sense that if you physically hurt him he should have the right to tell you

i'm no advice columnist :(
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8397139
United States
05/28/2012 03:11 PM
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Re: sex
reconsider the relationship -- he sounds like a jerk
 Quoting: Swinburnian


Maybe - I was very overtired/sick did not want to have sex he persuaded me and then when it wasn't what he wanted - critiqued me - does that qualify him as a jerk - does that make sense that now that I no longer feel that safe re: having sex with him? Safe as in - emotionally safe?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


It sounds to me like you need to set up some boundaries with this guy.

If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. He should respect that. No means no.

Also, I think a good rule of thumb is to go with your "gut." In other words, if you've got a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is. Back off and think this thing over. Don't wind up in a situation where you're stuck with this guy and you don't want to be.

Good luck to you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1531456
United States
05/28/2012 03:12 PM
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Re: sex
You physically hurt the guy and you're whining about your emotional "safety." Sounds like pure narcissism. Anyone who tells you that you're not perfect is bad.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1531456
United States
05/28/2012 03:16 PM
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Re: sex
He persuaded her means she said yes. So, OP, did you hurt him as a kind of payback? Couldn't stick to your "no" so you punished him for your weakness. Now you got what you want--he was hurt--but somehow you're the victim? You're very abusive.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:17 PM
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Re: sex
You physically hurt the guy and you're whining about your emotional "safety." Sounds like pure narcissism. Anyone who tells you that you're not perfect is bad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1531456


OK you may be right - but what can I do to get over how I feel toward him now - I feel really hurt -
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:17 PM
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Re: sex
You physically hurt the guy and you're whining about your emotional "safety." Sounds like pure narcissism. Anyone who tells you that you're not perfect is bad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1531456


OK you may be right - but what can I do to get over how I feel toward him now - I feel really hurt -
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16735882
Australia
05/28/2012 03:17 PM
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Re: sex
lol you're crappy at sex
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14596164
Canada
05/28/2012 03:18 PM
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Re: sex
How did you hurt him. Did you lean back to far when you were riding him?
Lol.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:18 PM
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Re: sex
He persuaded her means she said yes. So, OP, did you hurt him as a kind of payback? Couldn't stick to your "no" so you punished him for your weakness. Now you got what you want--he was hurt--but somehow you're the victim? You're very abusive.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1531456


No I didn't intentionally hurt him physically - I thought he was fine during the act. I would never intentionally hurt him - but now I feel cool toward him and wish I didn't
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8397139
United States
05/28/2012 03:19 PM
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Re: sex
You physically hurt the guy and you're whining about your emotional "safety." Sounds like pure narcissism. Anyone who tells you that you're not perfect is bad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1531456


Dude, chill. You're oversimplifying this.

Back off and give her the benefit of the doubt. Remember, what you put out will come back three-fold. This person needs good advice and you're hitting her with mindfuck horseshit armchair psychiatry. Don't be a passive-aggressive misogynist. You do not have enough information to diagnose narcissism. One day you'll be in a rough spot, and when you are, I hope someone heaps mindfuck on you instead of helping. You'd deserve it... unless you change course.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:20 PM
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Re: sex
lol you're crappy at sex
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16735882


ya so essentially that's what he said and now I never want to have sex with him again - and yes it's true if I had been more insistent that he respect my boundaries - ie I was too tired this would not have happened
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8806956
United States
05/28/2012 03:20 PM
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Re: sex
I smell a troll.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14596164
Canada
05/28/2012 03:22 PM
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Re: sex
lol you're crappy at sex
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16735882


ya so essentially that's what he said and now I never want to have sex with him again - and yes it's true if I had been more insistent that he respect my boundaries - ie I was too tired this would not have happened
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


Just say,okay, we will never have sex again. Then wait a few days, he'll be back for more.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:24 PM
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Re: sex
You physically hurt the guy and you're whining about your emotional "safety." Sounds like pure narcissism. Anyone who tells you that you're not perfect is bad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1531456


Dude, chill. You're oversimplifying this.

Back off and give her the benefit of the doubt. Remember, what you put out will come back three-fold. This person needs good advice and you're hitting her with mindfuck horseshit armchair psychiatry. Don't be a passive-aggressive misogynist. You do not have enough information to diagnose narcissism. One day you'll be in a rough spot, and when you are, I hope someone heaps mindfuck on you instead of helping. You'd deserve it... unless you change course.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8397139


Thanks!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:26 PM
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Re: sex
I smell a troll.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8806956


No - I'm not a troll - that's just an easy way to dismiss people.
closing eyes

User ID: 2000720
United States
05/28/2012 03:27 PM
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Re: sex
Yeah who wants his critique when you didn't even want to do it in the first place. No sex for him! lol
If you woke up breathing, you have another chance!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:32 PM
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Re: sex
Yeah who wants his critique when you didn't even want to do it in the first place. No sex for him! lol
 Quoting: closing eyes


exactly my point - I was too overtired - and had to do most of the work - that's why I inadvertently physically hurt him - then he was so hungry and after I made him a meal - he proceeded to critique me - kinda a bit much for me.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1471245
United States
05/28/2012 03:38 PM
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Re: sex
Ok I have IMO some good advice. The best sex is had by two people who feel so completely comfortable with each other that they can communicate their likes, dislikes, what really feels good, where to touch etc. This way the two of you are always for the most part satisfied sexually. From what you said it didn't sound all that rude or mean. It sounded like communication. Anyhow have a nice day. :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16192573
Canada
05/28/2012 03:40 PM
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Re: sex
Ok I have IMO some good advice. The best sex is had by two people who feel so completely comfortable with each other that they can communicate their likes, dislikes, what really feels good, where to touch etc. This way the two of you are always for the most part satisfied sexually. From what you said it didn't sound all that rude or mean. It sounded like communication. Anyhow have a nice day. :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1471245


OK so fine - how can I get over feeling hurt by it - and feeling like I never want to have sex with him again
AxE-i-DeNt

User ID: 14108008
Canada
05/28/2012 03:40 PM
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Re: sex
What did he say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14596164



Started off by saying it could be his poor performance - but that basically I physically hurt him by being to rough

He was nice enough about it - thing is - it really hit a nerve and now I just don't want to have intimate relations with him anymore - my reaction is out of proportion to his comments - I don't know why??
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


OMG!!!!you can NEVER be TOO rough sweety
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16082610


Oh yeah, trust me... Evidently, you've never been with a Klingon woman... O_o
AxE-i-DeNt

User ID: 14108008
Canada
05/28/2012 03:41 PM
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Re: sex
Ok I have IMO some good advice. The best sex is had by two people who feel so completely comfortable with each other that they can communicate their likes, dislikes, what really feels good, where to touch etc. This way the two of you are always for the most part satisfied sexually. From what you said it didn't sound all that rude or mean. It sounded like communication. Anyhow have a nice day. :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1471245


OK so fine - how can I get over feeling hurt by it - and feeling like I never want to have sex with him again
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16192573


If that's the case, then dump him now.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16433082
United Kingdom
05/28/2012 03:42 PM
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Re: sex
i remember when this was a conspiracy forum

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