sounds like your mother was abused also OP- just raise your own children in your own way and set yourself free, be the better future

your with a man and still within that falling in love timing feeling yet you do not feel that "in love" feeling? (sounds like it anyway), perhaps he only adds to the wrong set of feelings you need, deserve?

anyhow this world is so messed up it would be hard to find anyone that doesnt feel numb once in awhile - maybe you should move? maye you should move closer to the ones who are more truthfull and deal with things better?