What has happened to me?

What an excellent story. I always say, it's the journey that's so damn much fun, even the rough spots. It's classtime folks, and we are all here as spiritual beings doing the human thing. Personally, I think we all have 'callings', whether we know it yet or not. We never know what kind act may trigger another to awaken, to appreciate, and to return a kind act to another, and another.

Whether you want to go the religious route, or a more personal one, the result is going to be the same. Ya can't take nothin' but the bare butt ya came with, and hopefully there's a whole lot more to this than just 70-80 years of learning. That's what we DO! We learn, and it's not all for naught. It's so we can graduate!

At least, that's my feelings on the matter. Stepping out of the matrix is a scary thing, but it'll wear off, and the light will get brighter, because now it's real! And facing the one in the mirror is the hardest part of the whole thing. If we can do that, we are on the right track.

Built in us, you bet!

Hey, did anyone else here laugh out loud cause the guy actually linked to a picture of his fucking car.....

So you advocate staying in a church where the priests are molesting little boys? Hmmm...that kind of mindset is the problem with most of the world!

Woods are very helpful with that, for sure. Some also find bodies of water to be beneficial. You have issues with people as well as electronics?

Not trying to derail your thread here, but wanted to comment on your above statement.
I've never been christian, yet, live in the bible belt where everyone seems to be baptist, or something.
I had to pay close attention to figure out what I was getting myself into with each and every relationship because there for a long time I couldn't figure out why these people all around me made me so mad.
Everyone from my boss to my neighbors all have this belief system but I watch them do exactly the opposite of what they believe.
Hypocrits of the finest...in their work, and in their speech...in their daily lives..it's all they know.

Once you've studied what you have spent all this time studying, you just can't go back to man made religion.
It's like a book of stories that everyone has told, and retold in whatever form they choose, to fit their own lives.

I've been on a spiritual path for about 20 years now, and did the very same things you've done. I started with the bible, and read some of the authors that really preach it, and found nothing but a bunch of stories that didn't say the same thing as the last one did, even though they claim to be of the same religion.

I eventually read the Buddhist stuff, Hindu, Native American (which I found to be the most accurate for what I've experienced), and after reading and soaking in everything I could, I did finally settle on me myself, and I.
A good book to put things in perspective is "The Impersonal Life."
It is HARD to just live day to day with people who are steadfast religious people, with very closed minds.
You get to go through the awakening by yourself, because it is a "by yourself" kinda deal.

I still do detest stupid people, and there are A LOT of them! I have to guard myself, because I too, am an empath.
So, while you're "opening up", sleep, real rest, food,..all of that will change, and it gets tougher until you figure out what trips your triggers.
There's a lifetime of learning...all about yourself.
Here's wishing you easier times, and more rest...oh, and someone to walk this path with you...that helps tremendously!

I have to remove myself from religious people's presence...and you can always sense those people. It keeps anxiety away, and alot of the anger that they carry around with them, that, unless you protect yourself from, you end up with.

I know this response will make a lot of people mad, but I'm only talking to you...nor do I care if it makes them mad. Everyone deserves to find "their place" in their own time, and no one needs nonsense when time is of the essence.

And, you mention the "woman's cycle". Because you are opening up, you might just start feeling Mother Earth, and working within her cycles, without noticing, until one day, there it is...

My father just died the other day of cancer also...and I had the very same feeling....too bad it couldn't be me.
Best of "Luck" to ya!

The so called Christians churches are fallen away, this is why you feel this way about them. Ignore the churches, don't go to them, just read your bible and be like Jesus

There are more religions or sects of Christianity than Catholisism. Not all religions have pedos for priests. Try a non-denominational church. Something humble and small if one needs the community aspect of religion. Though I have no need for organized reigions, many people do. Who are we to judge? Heart and mind indeed.

waking up

don't worry, I went thru the same process while displaying similar symptoms

anxiety, depression, and a craving for information.

it gets better

OP im not down with the christians either , most hypocrytes ... fake worshippers , but there is one thing i can confirm , god dont do gays ...

we wasnt made to push shit in .. we was made to procreate , god doesnt like gays and ssays to kill them , and i believe him ..

you can drag it , bend it , tell it how ever you want , but the bible is very specific , gays must be killed ..

when i see muslims lynching gays or black in africa they are doing the right thing , we are calling them savages and freeks , and evil , but they are keep ing the evil out ... just look at the west , modern day sodom and gemorrah ..

hope you further see the light , i was in the same boat as you , watch to much information can send you over the edge ., im sure there is a reset button in the mind once you get to close you start to lose it ...

anxiety is bad , weed will give you more anxiety , only do weed on week ends ... every day will give you bad anxiety now you have opened up your mind to truths ...

just chill try to help people ... i try ed some salvia and it chilled me out hugly too ..not at first , but weeks later i feel different , alot more chilled ...

Your not the only one doing it... It's just that time in your life. You'll go through it and it will pass you on to the next stage of awareness.

You'll end up right back where you left off as a baby!

-peace



The sun makes a sound. This sound makes a shape, this shape makes ground for our souls to play on. -1of1

Take care!!


Drink clean water and make your OWN juice it will help!

OP, you got any inclination whatsoever of having experienced an alien abduction? Wierd "dreams" or some missing time you can't explain and shrugged off? Anything similiar afflicting your wife?

That cyclical anxiety that occurs once a month makes me wonder about that. When they're first "interested" in you, it's about once a month that they "visit".

Monthly Check-Ups, sorta. Not fun.

I advocate coming to know the Lord through His word and while church might be the place to socialize with others, to stereotype all churches as being minions of demonic influence is like saying all men are mega-geniuses and we all know that just isn't the way things are.

For many, the only exposure to God they have is through a church group and while "some" priests or pastors engage in evil acts, to judge the foundation by the care-taker is hardly worthy of rejecting the wisdom to be found inside the Faith.

The problem with the mindset is that so many judge God for the actions of men

a great and important step.

now ponder that as a child of god, you have powerful energy.

it is controlled by what you think and what your reaction is to what you focus on.

you are creating your reality by your thoughts.

if you believe that soma circumstance that you are dealing with is serious, you will create tension. if you have a desire for something and it is unfulfilled, you will feel frustration. if you believe that you can be light as a feather and everything is just part of a game which you can make playful, you will feel light and relaxed.

enjoy the game. relaxation (some form of meditation) and breathing are the keys. learn to be aware of every thought that you have and see how it affects your energy. that way you can learn to create the kind of presence that you want, joyful and blissful. don't be hard on yourself if you fail at this at first. rest and start over again if you need to.

we can stay in a place of gentle focus and relaxation when we learn to approach everything with a calm, lighthearted mind. joy and bliss are just a little bit under the surface for us to discover.

OP it's great that you're no longer an atheist and that you stopped doing drugs and that you can start to see what's going on..

but I would tell you the best advice I could ever tell anyone..

believe in Jesus as Savior. Jesus is the only way to salvation.

That seems to be the only thing missing in your awakening.

Trust me.. I've been down a similar road. I know what I'm talking about. And don't listen to the haters, detractors, and new age bullshitters.

You know why Christianity is different and the correct path? Because only Jesus died for you to take away the sin of the world. No other religion can say that.

Just believe and follow Jesus. Trust me OP.

OP and others; i have been in Op state for a long time now.
I strongly recommend [link to www.youtube.com]

This is an amazing guy with a great video. I have watched and read a lot "alt" and this one is my top of the best.
No Jesus no relitards..its fantastic!

OP,
I have had somewhat similar experiences. I have found Buddhism helpful too. It sounds like you may benefit by looking inward.

If you aren't already, you should start meditating.

It took me a while to finally accept that. I kept looking for answers and I kept reading the importance of meditation, but I kept avoiding it. It took about a year for it to finally sink in. I recommend experimenting with different techniques until you find something that works for you.

So far, my deepest meditation occurred while I was listening to this:

I have also done quite a bit of reading about the functions of the brain to figure out why we act the way we do. I really enjoyed reading "Your Brain At Work" by David Rock

I also have been doing some reading about the Shadow Effect. It's amazing to realize how broken we all are and to see the way we react due to such fractures.

Above all, let love flow. Be a conduit for love.

"great job, good wife" hehehe...

I cannot defend the perverse actions of what is happening in the church, but I do understand one thing. We live in a cross section of time that is the final battle between good and evil. Where there is the most truth, there also will be the biggest effort by satan to discredit what God has in place on earth.

I can give living testimony that Jesus Christ is the Son of the one true God. Many come here on this site to mock and blame the state of mankind on them. There's is a continual effort with the heavenly host to fight the wicked in spirit and liberate us from evils that plague this world.

Truth starts in the heart. Pray for the eternal love of God through Christ. satan has no heart. What he has for you here is doubt and deception. The seeds of doubt sewn on this earth are many.

Ask God to help you step into the light and have the veil lifted from your heart and eyes. What you see after that is a downward spiral of mindless babble full of fear and uncertainty that can only be corrected by finding the solid ground of Christ. .

This is all new age, don't listen to it.

^^^^
this

My history is not very different from yours.
The anxiety is something that I've learned to live with 25 years ago, when I was 25 and full of energy and enthusism.

Incredible, you my friend are so far away from any kind of light. Newborn soul with a long way to go...say no more.

It's okay to be unhappy!! The sky is my only comfort !!

Initiation by fire. Don't worry...you are fine...you are tuned (attuned) to do what you have been doing. It hit me two years ago. I was normal caring about all the normal materialistic things that most women care about. Now, I dropped most of my material friends...picked up quite a few other intuitive, intelligent, insightful friends and still want to study ad nauseum.

Esoterics my friend...you must take your mind into the other realm. It is what we are meant to learn. Spirituality, Astrology, Alchemy, Paganism, Kabbalah, Theosophy, Ancient cultures, Sumarians, Egyptians, Indigenous cultures, physics, quantum physics, biophysics, Metaphysics.....you get the point, the list goes on and on...soo many subjects, not enough time in the day.

I was reading fast and furious for awhile, even with a full time job...it was like I had two full time jobs.

I'm sure there is a reason...some say we are starseed...I don't veer too far into the new age believes. I tow the line on all subjects. See the good and bad and make my own decisions.

I believe you are craving information because
the internet intelligence "brain" if you can call it that
has hijacked your brain to be used and a node
in a giant network.

Whatever you do with that information be it just pass it on critique it etc is what this "brain" wants.

quoting a site which may not be posted on here.


This sounds like a paranoid rant, but here goes...

I don't know about you, but I spend a considerable amount of time
surfing the net looking for "cool things." I pass these things on, and I guess
whoever receives them passes them on too. I believe these things are called "memes."

Normally I am a critical and creative person but lately it has been more and more
difficult for me to formulate something creative. I just can't be bothered and for me
to be critical of things means I have to trawl through reams and reams of data just
to find out the truth of something. I would rather find something fast, read it and pass it on.
I know finding the truth is a long process that requires patience, but it seems to me passing
along conspiracy theories with little or no evidence has become the norm.

It isn't that I do not have creative ideas or critical abilities, it is the fact that my attention span on these
ideas is very short - I like them initially and then it fades. In the past this was not the case.
I often wonder what caused this and whether there is something going on behind the scenes. Has my "machinery" has been hijacked by some force for other purposes? Am I just a specific "swapper
node" in some vast network, If so how can I reverse this? (I cannot concentrate on things I should be concentrating on but I can concentrate on "junk")

I also noticed a similar hijacking with companies. Call it parasitical or symbiotic if you wish.
Example recent bailouts and companies being so big they can't possibly fail because the outcome
of such would be catastophic. these companies produce "junk" which in turn is passed on.

Does this mean that I and others are the victims of some kind of parasitical life? force over which we
have little or no control? When will this behavior be "weeded out" from the human race?
Is it a good thing?

You decide......but for now I really do think I am in limbo

Thou shall not kill doesn't mean without good reason. If you had Faith in the Lord you would trust in Him to sort us all out. While we can Love the soul of a sinner we can also hate the character of that sinner too. Being judgmental and embarking on a path of purity for society only goes as far as our resolve in obeying the commandments which aren't suggestions by reasoning.

There is a point to it all, we are all a vibrational frequency (Love) and anything less than Love for all is disharmonious.

You will defile your own spirit with thoughts of killing anything for all things are created and have purpose, even the gays who have yet to learn the meaning of Genesis where a man and woman become one flesh. That isn't saying begat, it is saying one flesh (and the reason human is always searching for their better half.)

Where two or more are gathered in His name He is there. A couple united as a single flesh (temple of the Lord) are an entity yet few have come to realize their full potentials because even couples are divided in spirit.

...why oh why didn't i take the BLUE PILL?????

Op,

I was so much like you. I felt the call but ignored it. God humbled me. Lord Jesus is the truth that you seek my brother. By the way. You can tell who a real christian is and one who is not. They think they are but they are not. A true one will never bash anyone. We are to pray for and love people only. Go somewhere quiet and have a private talk with the Lord. Thing's in this world you will no longer care about. I pray that this little message lead's you in the right direction.

I literally remember hopping through multiple realities ... it was rather hellish lol ... but now everything is ok .... dont worry dude