OP, I won't give you direct advice... you have to make these decisions yourself. However, I will share my story with you, which perhaps might help.

My father was a Pentecostal preacher, as was my uncle (founder of a prominent Apostolic preachers' organization), and my brother-in-law. I was a dedicated and full believer in the churches I attended, and a regular member.

But now, I do not attend 'a church'. I have found all of them to be involved in group-think, and very 'cult' like in the modern sense of the word. The 'spiritual' folk always have their dreams and visions, many of which contradict those of other members. These types are convinced they 'hear God' about other people and feel it is their responsibility to 'shepherd the weaker believers'. Most of these kind of churches have 'guru' pastors... people who are looked up to as being spiritually superior or ahead of 'the flock'. In every case I have found these men to be liars, and hypocrites (from the Greek word meaning 'actor'). These places were dens of manipulation, group-think and ostracizing.

At a low level, these establishments give 'the flock' something to believe in, confidence that they're on the right path... which seems to be what most sheep want. In exchange, the sheep think, do, say and behave in the way they're commanded.

I've decided to stop being a sheep, and start having a mind of my own.

Christians laud the figure of 'the lamb' and 'the shepherd', but never seem to realize that the reason why the shepherd keeps the sheep is so they can be slaughtered mentally, financially or some other way. What farmer would spend his time keeping sheep, getting them fat, building their confidence in him, unless it were to harvest them? That's what shepherds do, and in order to do this, they must be actors.