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I need to vent...

 
Dease
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User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:12 AM
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I need to vent...
This is unimportant, but I just need to vent. Why are some people so self-absorbed that they feel like EVERYONE ELSE should move their schedule around, and make time for them, but it doesn't go both ways? This friend (oops...person) in particular that I'm agravated with tells everyone that they're "too busy". This included their own mother on Mother's Day, which really hurt her feelings. They insisted she was fine with it "because she understood how busy they were" (How selfish would you have to be to say that?), but she very obviously wasn't. This person is in law school. While I understand that's deamanding, so is working and having a family. Also, I have a college degree. Part of it, I got while being pregnant, working, and taking care of my baby. I may have been busy, but I made time for what was important. If they think I'm going to make another minute for them, they're wrong. I may have to wash my hair when they eventually try to talk to me, but I will come up with something to do. My feelings are hurt, and so are everyone elses.

Last Edited by Dease on 07/18/2012 09:58 AM
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19618241
United States
07/18/2012 09:14 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Is the person pretty young? I think that's a natural part of youth. It's just hard to see past the nose on your face when you're young.

Sorry you're upset OP.

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19499976
Portugal
07/18/2012 09:16 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
This person is in law school.
That kind of explains everything.

Calm, breathe, love, peace hf
Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:16 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Is the person pretty young? I think that's a natural part of youth. It's just hard to see past the nose on your face when you're young.

Sorry you're upset OP.

hf
 Quoting: TexasGirl


Yes, they're 29. I'm 25. I understand what you mean, but I don't treat people like that. This used to be my best friend in the world. That's why it hurts. If it were just some random person, I wouldn't care.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
07/18/2012 09:17 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
It's a conspiracy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6313471
United States
07/18/2012 09:24 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
OP, sorry to hear you feel your friend blows people off.

The whole law school thing explains it all, though.

When I was in grad school, I was working 60+ hours a week between courses, teaching, internship hours, etc.

You really DON'T have time for other people. And any free time I did have...I was sleeping! LOL. Seriously.

It's not personal. It's exhausting. And very stressful. And the whole time, you are aware that people think you are "blowing them off" when if they even had any clue about how you are completely on the edge of losing your mind, they might understand a little better...but that there is really no way for them to understand. And I also know that having a family is hard work. Since I finished my degree, I now have a family...but I will still say...grad school was HELL!! I was far more sleep deprived then than I am with newborn baby.

A least, that was my experience.

I would be willing to bet, that once she finishes...things will go back to normal.

hf
Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:27 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
OP, sorry to hear you feel your friend blows people off.

The whole law school thing explains it all, though.

When I was in grad school, I was working 60+ hours a week between courses, teaching, internship hours, etc.

You really DON'T have time for other people. And any free time I did have...I was sleeping! LOL. Seriously.

It's not personal. It's exhausting. And very stressful. And the whole time, you are aware that people think you are "blowing them off" when if they even had any clue about how you are completely on the edge of losing your mind, they might understand a little better...but that there is really no way for them to understand. And I also know that having a family is hard work. Since I finished my degree, I now have a family...but I will still say...grad school was HELL!! I was far more sleep deprived then than I am with newborn baby.

A least, that was my experience.

I would be willing to bet, that once she finishes...things will go back to normal.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6313471


Thanks friend. While I have not yet attended grad school, I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. I finsihed getting that degree, while being pregnant and having a newborn. I also was helping my husband get his degree, and tutoring him. (He's smart, but I'm the more academic one. He has the common sense. LOL.) All that was on top of working at the church with my husband as well, which was demanding. I know what it's like to be busy, and obviously you do too. I guess I just never had that "I'm more important than you " attitude. It's not so much the missed time that makes me mad, as much as it is the attitude.

Last Edited by Dease on 07/18/2012 09:31 AM
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19618241
United States
07/18/2012 09:31 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Is the person pretty young? I think that's a natural part of youth. It's just hard to see past the nose on your face when you're young.

Sorry you're upset OP.

hf
 Quoting: TexasGirl


Yes, they're 29. I'm 25. I understand what you mean, but I don't treat people like that. This used to be my best friend in the world. That's why it hurts. If it were just some random person, I wouldn't care.
 Quoting: Dease


I would suggest you be very honest about how it made you feel. Sometimes we don't realize that we're being insensitive to others. My best friend did something to hurt me like that once and when I explained it, she was able to put herself in my shoes and see it from my standpoint. I think one of the most important parts of being a good friend is letting those you love know when they mess up. I’m a really strong personality and not many people will confront me even if I do something wrong. I really cherish my friends who will let me know when I mess up. Good luck!
Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:33 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Is the person pretty young? I think that's a natural part of youth. It's just hard to see past the nose on your face when you're young.

Sorry you're upset OP.

hf
 Quoting: TexasGirl


Yes, they're 29. I'm 25. I understand what you mean, but I don't treat people like that. This used to be my best friend in the world. That's why it hurts. If it were just some random person, I wouldn't care.
 Quoting: Dease


I would suggest you be very honest about how it made you feel. Sometimes we don't realize that we're being insensitive to others. My best friend did something to hurt me like that once and when I explained it, she was able to put herself in my shoes and see it from my standpoint. I think one of the most important parts of being a good friend is letting those you love know when they mess up. I’m a really strong personality and not many people will confront me even if I do something wrong. I really cherish my friends who will let me know when I mess up. Good luck!
 Quoting: TexasGirl


Thanks. You explained things really well. I probably will talk to them about it, but not right now for two reasons. One, I need to cool off. And two, I'm not going to try to contact them again until they contact me.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6313471
United States
07/18/2012 09:35 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
OP, sorry to hear you feel your friend blows people off.

The whole law school thing explains it all, though.

When I was in grad school, I was working 60+ hours a week between courses, teaching, internship hours, etc.

You really DON'T have time for other people. And any free time I did have...I was sleeping! LOL. Seriously.

It's not personal. It's exhausting. And very stressful. And the whole time, you are aware that people think you are "blowing them off" when if they even had any clue about how you are completely on the edge of losing your mind, they might understand a little better...but that there is really no way for them to understand. And I also know that having a family is hard work. Since I finished my degree, I now have a family...but I will still say...grad school was HELL!! I was far more sleep deprived then than I am with newborn baby.

A least, that was my experience.

I would be willing to bet, that once she finishes...things will go back to normal.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6313471


Thanks friend. While I have not yet attended grad school, I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. I finsihed getting that degree, while being pregnant and having a newborn. I also was helping my husband get his degree, and tutoring him. (He's smart, but I'm the more academic one. He has the common sense. LOL.) All that was on top of working at the church with my husband as well, which was demanding. I know what it's like to be busy, and obviously you do too. I guess I just never had that "I'm more important than you attitude." It's not so much the missed time that makes me mad, as much as it is the attitude.
 Quoting: Dease


School and pregnancy/baby I can't imagine how tough, lol. It always amazed me to see people do that :P

I'm a Ph.D. in Psychology :)

If she has an attitude about it, I can definitely see your frustration. I would just stop contacting her or making any efforts to have anything to do with her. Once she realizes how long it's been since you've talked, maybe she'll snap out of it and feel bad for neglecting you and others. At any rate, I would let her be the one to make the move, and just keep moving on with your own day-to-day. You can only put forth so much effort before just turning it over. The burden should be hers not yours

:)
Hawk-02

User ID: 897951
United States
07/18/2012 09:36 AM

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Re: I need to vent...
fandango6
WAR INSIDE MY HEAD.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 819998
United States
07/18/2012 09:41 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
You can accept them for who they are flaws and all or continue to place expectations on them that will always result in your own disappointed feelings and hurts.

And it's not unimportant...

Feelings are often dismissed as meaningless...but if people would finally take their feelings more seriously then we'd probably see a significant decrease in depression and related dis eases associated with depression.

People need to accept that it's better to identify and COPE with emotion rather than IGNORE it.

So hang in there...if your friend is worth it you'll understand that this is just a time in their life they may just need you to be more understanding. Who knows...maybe a couple years down the road you'll be the one too busy to make time and you'll want the same consideration.

hf
Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:45 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
OP, sorry to hear you feel your friend blows people off.

The whole law school thing explains it all, though.

When I was in grad school, I was working 60+ hours a week between courses, teaching, internship hours, etc.

You really DON'T have time for other people. And any free time I did have...I was sleeping! LOL. Seriously.

It's not personal. It's exhausting. And very stressful. And the whole time, you are aware that people think you are "blowing them off" when if they even had any clue about how you are completely on the edge of losing your mind, they might understand a little better...but that there is really no way for them to understand. And I also know that having a family is hard work. Since I finished my degree, I now have a family...but I will still say...grad school was HELL!! I was far more sleep deprived then than I am with newborn baby.

A least, that was my experience.

I would be willing to bet, that once she finishes...things will go back to normal.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6313471


Thanks friend. While I have not yet attended grad school, I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. I finsihed getting that degree, while being pregnant and having a newborn. I also was helping my husband get his degree, and tutoring him. (He's smart, but I'm the more academic one. He has the common sense. LOL.) All that was on top of working at the church with my husband as well, which was demanding. I know what it's like to be busy, and obviously you do too. I guess I just never had that "I'm more important than you attitude." It's not so much the missed time that makes me mad, as much as it is the attitude.
 Quoting: Dease


School and pregnancy/baby I can't imagine how tough, lol. It always amazed me to see people do that :P

I'm a Ph.D. in Psychology :)

If she has an attitude about it, I can definitely see your frustration. I would just stop contacting her or making any efforts to have anything to do with her. Once she realizes how long it's been since you've talked, maybe she'll snap out of it and feel bad for neglecting you and others. At any rate, I would let her be the one to make the move, and just keep moving on with your own day-to-day. You can only put forth so much effort before just turning it over. The burden should be hers not yours

:)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6313471


Awe, I have a psych buddy on GLP. hf LOL, yes it was tough. Thankfully, I had alot of help from my husband, and my mother. :) She's never been directly rude. It's more of an insinuated attitude. But instead of being sarcastic back (It's not worth my time or effort to do so.), I will just go about my life as you said. I can't waste my time being mad. I have a wonderful family ,and friends that I want to focus on. One day she'll look back and realize what she's done.

Last Edited by Dease on 07/18/2012 09:51 AM
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Rise and shine
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United Kingdom
07/18/2012 09:48 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Some people are like this and thats just how it is, sometimes they learn when it is too late, maybe they have reasons for not being as compassionate as yourself and others think they should have, go talk to them and try to find out (subtly) what is going on.
Anonymous Coward
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07/18/2012 09:51 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
It's good you vented here and I can understand you feel hurt and pushed aside. But try to be a good friend and just let it ride until they finish law school. If it continues after that, then I would say this is just a selfish person. But it sounds like they may be in a difficult spot right now, and may need you more than you can see. Maybe later they will be there in an important way for you. Don't cut it off until you figure out what's really going on...
Lisa*Lisa

User ID: 1106916
United States
07/18/2012 09:53 AM

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Re: I need to vent...
Immaturity and selfishness, thinking the world revolves around them.

Someday they might grow up and get a clue.
Have You Accepted Jesus As Your Savior Yet? What Are You Waiting For?

____________________________


"Tell them, I love them" - Jesus Christ

"If love were a tree, compassion would be its fruit." - unknown
____________________________

A dear friend's website [link to www.savemenowjesus.com]
___________________________

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

_________________________

One of the greatest things you can do for God is to show love to His other kids.
BOWMAN

User ID: 11269112
United States
07/18/2012 09:54 AM

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Re: I need to vent...
Whenever possible, try not to invent yourself as a victim.

peace


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Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 09:54 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Immaturity and selfishness, thinking the world revolves around them.

Someday they might grow up and get a clue.
 Quoting: Lisa*Lisa


Thank you Lisa.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23
Lisa*Lisa

User ID: 1106916
United States
07/18/2012 09:58 AM

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Re: I need to vent...
Immaturity and selfishness, thinking the world revolves around them.

Someday they might grow up and get a clue.
 Quoting: Lisa*Lisa


Thank you Lisa.
 Quoting: Dease


You're welcome. You cant' change this person, he/she is going to need alot of life experiences to grow up and realize that he/she is not the center of the universe. And, sometimes people never grow up. There is nothing you can do about it.

If you're constantly being hurt by this person's selfish choices and actions, you might need to distance yourself somewhat.
Have You Accepted Jesus As Your Savior Yet? What Are You Waiting For?

____________________________


"Tell them, I love them" - Jesus Christ

"If love were a tree, compassion would be its fruit." - unknown
____________________________

A dear friend's website [link to www.savemenowjesus.com]
___________________________

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

_________________________

One of the greatest things you can do for God is to show love to His other kids.
Dease (OP)

User ID: 1505901
United States
07/18/2012 10:08 AM
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Re: I need to vent...
Immaturity and selfishness, thinking the world revolves around them.

Someday they might grow up and get a clue.
 Quoting: Lisa*Lisa


Thank you Lisa.
 Quoting: Dease


You're welcome. You cant' change this person, he/she is going to need alot of life experiences to grow up and realize that he/she is not the center of the universe. And, sometimes people never grow up. There is nothing you can do about it.

If you're constantly being hurt by this person's selfish choices and actions, you might need to distance yourself somewhat.
 Quoting: Lisa*Lisa


Yeah, that's what I plan to do. We've been best friends for the last seven years. I really don't have high expectations. I didn't expect to spend time with them. I did, however, call/email, and they never answered the phone, or even returned the messages later. The turning point for me was when they forgot my birthday, except when they saw friends write about it on Facebook. They sent me a one-sentence e-mail that night, just saying they'd been busy.

Last Edited by Dease on 07/18/2012 10:10 AM
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Matthew 22: 37-39

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Galatians 5: 22-23

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