The way my mind works is it needs simplicity, a direct line from one thing to the next, when I study the details I get lost within them, for months at a time at times lol.

I started my journey just going for it, I suffered sever anger problems and would smash anyone or thing that got in my way, so I took up meditation to try to stem my anger, to look within and see exactly why I was so pissed off, I mean yea my life was not great but that could not be what was making me so very angry and violent could it, it felt more, deeper, I was angry at the world, it was not directed at any one in particular not a person or situation, just the general direction of things, the lack of respect for each other and our planet, of late I have realized my recurring nightmares as a kid were to do with the splitting of the atom, I would dream of atoms being split, it would leave me shivering screaming in terror, I saw a clip of what it looks like not to long ago and I was like wow.

My first real try at meditating got me out of body, meeting fuckers who gave me details, little bloody details, and I have been stuck trying to find someone to help me decipher them, falling in to a few traps along the way, I have changed the way I talk the way I think the way I feel about things, what is left of the original I no longer am sure, then it hit me last night before sleep, I no longer care about the details, as they are covered and always have been, by people who care about them, I care about how we interact with each other, it means so so so much more than most give it credit for.

When we meet someone, how we treat them will reflect upon their day, when we walk past a stranger in the street, if we catch eye contact we should smile, be polite, make them feel how they deserve to feel, 'good'. Smiles have power.

I had my first experience with spirit source myself whatever you call it ha boatita for a very long time the other day, I have been ashamed of myself for getting caught up in another persons delusions of grandeur, ashamed that I was seeking help to decipher the details when truly I could not care less about them, I was just looking for guidance and now realized guidance had already found me and was always here with me, I handed my power over to another, placing them above me as they so wished.

I forgive myself for being caught, I forgive those who caught me and am ready to move on.

My instinct is telling me the man who has been coming here the past couple of nights is someone from this thread, olive complexion dark hair almost black in colour, he looks like a librarian or someone who spends a lot of time with books or studying, not a youth but a man of learning, several times he has come, he is new I have not met him before, several times he has held his hand out to me as in to say come.

IF it is one of you, your timing is crap, I have a family and can not just zone out while we are all sitting together, if not, ignore all I just wrote hahahahaha.

Have a good day all.