X Marks the Spot

Aaaaw


to everyone!

My internet is being finicky...




As I was going to mention some time ago, I think the elephant is reacting to the sudden movement more than anything else.

I think it was more of a startle response.

If say for instance, I was walking along and something suddenly moved next to my foot, I would react by moving away from it as well.

Without necessarily stopping to see what it was. Reaction time being important if said movement came from a venomous snake for example...

That is my synopsis.

:)

I'm sure most people want this, but I wish there was something/someone to talkto . Self reflection, with no one to talk to, is a sorrowful experience. My life, past images flittering through my mind. Sometimes I do not want to bury it away, to be lost when I die. The things I have been through, the things I have seen. All lost, even now, except within myself. Melancholy. Stories. Life. Love. Memories. All feeling as if evaporating into the aether even before my place and time of death. All these different souls only knowing pieces of me, minor glimpses in a sea of reflections.

And eternity. I get fear boring into my soul like a maggot when the thought of eternity clutches my sleepy mind. This, this fear of eternity antithesis within myself between reflections, a mirror of self arcing into nowhere.

Just wait till your mind catches up. It is lagging because you are sleepy... the complex neurological firings that normally would make-up your ego are fatigued... thus, you feel anxious as thoughts are simply not being finished as quickly as you would like.

Anxiety is quickest to befall a true genius...

And then just when you think you've finally found that something/someone the Cosmic Joke steps in and has yet another chuckle at our expense.

Yeah, it does sometimes feel that the Joke will always be on us.

:/

Last Edited by Quantum Anomaly on 02/17/2013 09:38 PM

Pi, it's different than that. But, I understand you what you are conveying.

It is much different. Thank you for your words though. These things are best worked out alone, but, as I said, sometimes it would be nice to discuss my life with persons. lol, it is as if my life has overwhelmed me, but I can never be overwhelmed.

This happens when I partake in introspection of my self. I try not to do it too often, but sometimes it comes like an inevitable tide.

Want what?

That is both the good and the bad of it, I suppose. At least, down here. Hence my speak of death.

I understand.

I'd be happy to attempt to help you deal with those things. But I'll understand if it is too esoteric or if you just don't want to talk about it. Although, you'd be surprised at what this mind has seen. :)

Someone to talk to. For example, you ALWAYS help me when I feel this way, even though I don't talk about where introspection leads. I am thinking maybe it is cause by growing up with an identical twin brother. We always had pretty much the same experiences growing up, and we could talk about it.

Then, that stopped, and my experiences went ballistic. Eventually, I could not explain to him, or talk to him about things because it began to get too difficult to catch him up on it.

Yes, see Dion. Talking to you just sparked why I feel this way, I think.

Are you OK Chad? Do you really want to talk to someone?

....

Has anyone here ever gotten panic attacks because the universe seems "too small"?



I have not for quite a while... but, it'll happen during introspection, and I will suddenly feel as though my worldview is super-efficient, and this will seem to partially collapse my ego-boundary and perceptions... it is rather an ineffable feeling past that.

Again, I understand. I think it arises from my response to Dion, as at the same time, I DO NOT want to speak about it. And IT is just so...see, I don't want to talk about it. I have had dreams lately that I thought were real, until I wake up, but the residual of it is left for me to experience as a reality until it fades.

Old friends, old girlfriends...different lives lived...reconciling within dreams, yet the person I am reconciling with has no clue that I have. Etc.

Thinking, not automatically, but trying to see that before you diverge into infinity is an emotional rollercoaster. Why, because the open ended variables cause whole loops of balancing scenarios. Eventually it leaves you exhausted and even disconnected, questioning what is since the transition and continual loss becomes the focus and not the opening or unveilling.

I am always OK. No, I really don't want someone to talk to. I have found that it makes things worse...It is just introspection, and memories, and feelings that are drawn to the surface at points. It feels like a weakness, when, as I told aether, the best memories are the most painful. Why is that? Nostalgia is a fucking bitch.

Ah, I just deleted a bunch of stuff to this response. I should not have brought this to you all's attention. It is of no concern, as it should be none of mine. There is nothing to do about it that I can't do myself.

Joy is light. Negativity heavy.

Yes. Have you ever been in a place with no 'relationship' with anything. If you ever want to experience true hell, it is that place.

Thank god you are around Dion. You KNOW, and that is so comforting.

I need to drink a light beer, and have good dreams.

That is part of the first terror.

A fellow nostalgia-hater!

I for one am happy to be a listener, even if you don't actually discuss the intended topic...

Occurring when one attempts to shed the ego.

Last Edited by pi on 02/17/2013 09:55 PM

That right there. That is the maggot of eternity.

Forego the beer, do some stretching and just get loose. Take some time to just lie there and push all this carp out for a bit.

Pain is a source of realizing limits.

I am taking a shot of tequila, and then I am going to shed my skin and dream.

Good night you guys. And thank you for letting me express. It would have been a very long night if I let it stew this night.

See you in the morning.

Perhaps you are reconciling with their higher self. From what I've been told is we can make amends in spirit say to those passed on, etc. I wouldn't worry. What matters is you and your heart as long as the reconciliation is sincere and the party you are reconciling with is no longer in your life and wouldn't benefit by an in person amend. What I've been told too is intention is key and to really try to not keep making the same "issues." Progress not perfection is the saying. I know too it may seem a bit wierd.

I've been having to do that more and more lately. It inevitably leads to those little 'visions' I keep expressing to you guys recently.

I bought a Tai Chi dvd. I will begin doing that at night to try and re-focus as well.

Yes, but in my case everything stopped and I felt the immense pressure of being trapped in my body. Then It consumes you like a wave and you just start to see the patterns......

Good call. There is no timetable, take a break and don't let artificial time constraints get you overthinking.

I am. I KNOW this. I have asked for it, as well have worked many, many scores of nights in reconciling my past.

It is not weird in what you say. I have found it as a truth.

Dion, I will forgo the beer, but I will take the shot. I will begin working Tai Chi and begin another stage of clearing.

I have happened upon habits that need to be rectified. Perhaps now is the time.

Yes, years ago I had some VERY immense feelings of being trapped in my body. I pray that doesn't happen again. It is like looking out through eyes that are not yours.