humbly asking for advice

what happened to the love we had? he was my honey pie till last month. a part of me wants to be free because i sacrificed so much for 13 years....but i still love him.

this sux.

You don't mention any reason why you say your son hates you. What is it the two of you are arguing about? Are you working too much?
It would really help if you explained a bit more.

tell him you are sorry, And that you love him, and give him the option of going to his father. Unless there is another option. could he stay with someone else?

ummmm...you lost me there. Why would he hate you for buying a home in an area he loves?

Don't take is personal. It might appear that he hates you but he needs to move the energy that is going through him. We are living in unprecedented times where what we are going through has Never happened in any universe. Your first priority is You and then others so do what feels to be the most loving thing to yourself first.

Clip him round the ear and tell him to do as he is told he is only 13

i feel like i have put him through a lot, but never expected him to really grasp the severity of things because...he's a child. i have taken on so much. and he doesn't understand my anxiety and stress. and i am ready to send him to his SEVERELY f-edd up dad due to his lack of consideration and empathy.

we never hated each other until now.

right? yes. that is how i was raised. but. this is not that world, right?

Last Edited by Anne O'Mally on 07/20/2012 04:51 AM

It never did you any harm and it won't do him any harm, is it because he is moving away from his friends

thank you so much for this.

i understand this, he does not.

Last Edited by Anne O'Mally on 07/20/2012 04:54 AM

no i just went thru hell to get him back to his friends.

All 13 year olds hate their parents at some point. You are the adult, love him whatever, and understand the huge changes he is going through, both physically and emotionally. He's not really there to support you in whatever you decide to do. Sounds like you both had a bad experience in Hawaii, just give him space and time. Sending him to his dad sounds like a thoroughly bad idea, if he's as damaged as you say, recipe for disaster for your son imho.
Just breathe, and wait for puberty to pass, and show him unconditional love.

so i just clobber him? wow people would turn my ass in for that.

OH LORD give me patience!!! i am actively praying on this one. thank you so much for your kind comment. it helps more than you know.

I think it's somewhat normal for a 13 year old to hate mom, or parents. It's a really difficult time for everyone..oh lord do I remember.

He will get over it. Is there any other reason you would want him to stay with his dad? How does he feel about it? Don't give him to his dad yet. I would wait and see how it goes, he may love the new home and make new friends.

Good luck to you Annie.

so? it's only your ass, you can get another donkey

not so much, but thanks.

Yes because you are the Devil.

thank you. i am just boggled by how we went from being such close friends...to this. now i know i am not the perfect soccer mom but. i have instilled values that are hard to get these days, and i thought we had a better friendship. so yeah...confused, there.

wow thanks oz. can always rely on you for BULLSHIT FUCKING ADVICE.

much love asshole. :) PAX.

I think you should indeed remind him he has another option. But ultimately I think you will be the most beneficial primary parent.

oh and another thing...i am a pretty hot lady. my kid acts like it's fucking Armageddon if i get a boyfriend. wtf. i need a life, ya know?

am i not supposed to be hot if i am a mom? am i supposed to put the brakes on libido? i mean...i am a very hot lady. do i just....STOP being hot and how do i deal with men wanting me? do i tell them my son is my man? wow. yikes! i need my own life!

NOOOOOO~!

thank you. intuitively i feel you are right. and DAMN ME i have always run on intuition.

I have no children, so I can only imagine what you are going through. But your heartbreak is coming through on your posts loud and clear. Parenting appears to be the hardest job in the world, even looking in from the outside I can tell that.

All I can do is pass along the wisdom I always hear from people with kids: you can be friends with your child when he's grown up. Right now what he really needs is a parent, not a friend. If you don't handle the parenting, who will?

If I were in your shoes, I would sit down and ask him what he wants. At 13, he's old enough to speak for himself. I would try to keep an open mind if his choice is to live with his dad. Look at it from your son's perspective, instead of your own. Separate in your mind the bad vibes you have with this guy, and just look objectively at how he treats your son. Even though you may not get along with his father, if he's a loving father then it's wrong to take that relationship away from your child.

What is the right thing to do? Whatever is best for the wellbeing of your son. If your angry with him, don't retaliate by putting him into a situation where he could be harmed, just so you can prove to him how good he has it with you. The damage that would do to both him and you would likely last a long time.

Best wishes, try to rise above your anger and act from the heart. You have all ready survived much worse than this, stay strong!

I have 3 kids , 28 , 22 and my baby is 9....its going to be hard letting this one go....BUT , I know its got to be done....perhaps you are trying to hold him back?...not intetionally but by the things you do?...he may feel stifled by you and tells you he hates you as a way of expressing his frustration....he will one day for definite move away from you , he will be a man with his own family....my older children have their own families and I hardly see them nowdays.....just make the most of the time you get with him , try not to nag , smile at him and roll your eyes if he annoys you rather than show an angry face and raise your voice.....he will mirror what he see's you doing.....good luck x

It's probably not a good idea to demonize the child's father, regardless of how accurate the assessment may be. It sounds like you need to step back and think about what is best for your son in the long term, and keep things peaceful as best as you can.

Sounds very typical for a 13 year old. Give him time to adjust. Do not let him see that he is hurting you. Do not allow him to disrespect you. Be consistant. Try to steer him to community groups or other outlets for support. Be glad you have a boy and not a daughter bc teen girls are harsher to moms in general.
As for being hot...Good for you! Do your thing. I do not think it is good for your son to see a revolving door of men. I suggest keep it from him unless dudes are stinking around for more than 6 months. Find some community supports yourself and keep the flings outside of your home. You have done the best you could. You have worked to set it up where you are now. Do not give up at this point. Be strong and consistent. Your child should not be viewed as a best friend, but your responsibility. Keep your pain from him and try to be positive. You got this.

if you have no clue as to what and why he is acting all of a sudden different, and hates you with out a cuase.. then i would suggest he is or has been through one of the following.

1:) bullied at school and wants to hide away.
2:) molested by some pervert and wants to hide away.
3:) hates you becuase you made him delete hes warcraft account.


Reality is it sounds like you have put him in a position of harm , but in your own doing at the time sore no danger in doing so.


I would ask direct question as above and try and get to the truth of the matter.

best regards.

You need to stop trying to be his friend. You need to stop turning to him for emotional support. He is not your husband or lover of BFF. He is your son. Act like a parent not like a jilted girlfriend. He hates you because you are iver dependent on him in a very unhealthy way. Give him space, stop complaining about your problems, provide direction without smothering him.