I have a confession to make. I'm a Christian who used to believe homosexuality was a sin.

I preached it on the street corners, and I wrote about it on the Internet. I told people "there is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death."

I knew every scripture to pull out, every right thing to say, and every stone to upturn.

And you know what? I was wrong.

I realized that all I was doing was trying to recreate my own image of what the world was supposed to look like. I re-examined the scriptures, and found that if you look deeply enough into the heart of God, there really is no condemnation.

I learned: As much as I was not loving people, I was not loving God. As much as I denied myself the ability to see the beauty in others, I lacked compassion and would not allow myself to receive the love of God.

I'm not saying this as somebody superior. I'm saying this as somebody with experience with love and compassion who knows I was incomplete before.

I really did hate, but I didn't think it was hate. I thought it was the justifiable love of God being expressed through saving people from Hell.

Well, I was wrong. I was so wrong.

And eventually, I realized the source of all the fighting, preaching and pain was because I'm gay myself. It was painful. I hated myself, and thought God had abandoned me to feel these feelings... But as time went on God revealed to me that my life was created as beautifully as anyone else's.

My coming out to myself led to other revelations from God-- people of other faiths aren't going to Hell, nor are they deceived. God has just revealed him/herself in a different way to these people, and as much as I accept them I am accepting myself.

I am a better, more compassionate, more complete person than I ever was before, because I was able to accept others, and then see God's plan for my life, and then accept even more people.

Compassion and understanding grows. :) It heals.

I opened my eyes, and now I see. :) And God IS BEAUTIFUL!


--FireSpirit, a former Fundamentalist Christian who, like Saul on the road, changed.