Pssssh. Whatever.

I am a big time winner. I drive a winner car and have a winner house. I worship money and buzzwords like a winner. I remember when I got my winner job at Sacks'O'Goldman. They asked me a few questions that I was well prepared for, as the winner I am.

The first question was "Have you transcended duality?"

The second question was "Do you realize that all thought is electricity and have you been personally all over the universe to verify this, constantly sticking voltmeter prongs into your ears and up your anus?"

The third question was "Will you do, say, or believe anything necessary to not feel like the bitch you are for worshiping money?"

Of course, teh correct answer to all these questions was "YES MASTAR!" in my most robotic voice.

I drive a Hyundai. But it has leather.