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Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!

 
ICON
User ID: 20242703
United States
07/30/2012 12:45 PM
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Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
For those who don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at nightwhile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided and became the ultimate "gimme faction".

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,construction workers, firemen, paramedics, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have a beer.
Eddie Blake
User ID: 20894940
United States
07/30/2012 12:48 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
Truth.

clappa
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 904314
Canada
07/30/2012 12:48 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
I have to laugh out loud at your attempt to justify your american politic views.

Why, if it werent for those "liberals" you so hate, you'd still be bowing to some Queen's pikemen, down there in the States.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 904314
Canada
07/30/2012 12:51 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
I have to laugh out loud at your attempt to justify your american politic views.

Why, if it werent for those "liberals" you so hate, you'd still be bowing to some Queen's pikemen, down there in the States.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 904314


Because obviously the "conservatives", aka Romney types, would be too busy sucking up to the King's arse to get a piece of the royal pie to bother with the peasants.

A better oldtimey labeling would be:

Conservatives: aristocracy
Liberals: everyone else.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20242703
United States
07/30/2012 12:54 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
flag waver
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 904314
Canada
07/30/2012 12:58 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
Why, what I just said makes Canada the Conservative country of North America, and USA the liberal one lol

Oh how that must chafe!

Just don't let those conservative types trick you poor folk into cancelling your constitution, because that thing is quite liberal.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 20242703
United States
07/30/2012 03:45 PM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
Why, what I just said makes Canada the Conservative country of North America, and USA the liberal one lol

Oh how that must chafe!

Just don't let those conservative types trick you poor folk into cancelling your constitution, because that thing is quite liberal.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 904314


You sound like an idiot!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 60293138
United States
10/30/2014 11:11 AM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
Truth.

clappa
 Quoting: Eddie Blake 20894940
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25560538
United States
10/30/2014 11:21 AM
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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
Being A Liberal Used To Be A Good Thing, Lately Though They've Lost Their Minds. They've Been Taken Over By Feminists, Racists, And Leeches. The Conservatives Have Also Been Taken Over By Their Own Form Of Crazies. The West Seems To Have Collectively Lost It's Mind.
ArunaLuna
RAWR MF

User ID: 863082
United States
10/30/2014 11:23 AM

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Re: Conservative and Liberal-For those who don't know about history!
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