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Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:07 PM
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Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Heres the situation. About 4 years ago I got into drugs and other BS. Naturally, as a dope fiend, I always needed money. I had lost a couple jobs I had and lost the apartment I was living at.

To make a long story short, I borrowed money from a family member, well to be exact, my god father. I forget what lie I made up but he lent me $200. But he stressed to make sure I pay him back. Not because he needs the money, but because of the principle. He is pretty well off.

Well here we are 4 years later, I am drug free and clean for 4 years now and I live in a different state. I havent talked to him since. But everytime I think about the money I owe him it makes me feel terrible and ashamed.

Here are my 2 questions:

Would it be acceptable to send him $100 now with a letter of apology, and explain my situation. And let him know I will pay the other 100 as soon as possible?

I would send him all $200 now but I am not working and had to save what I have now. So I dont have the $200.

Would it be offensive to send half now? I can recall owing people money in the past and trying to repay part of it and they get all pissed off and say "just keep it and pay me when you have the full amount". wtf

My second question is: is a cashiers check or money order the safest route to send in the mail?

Thanks in advance GLP!
Slick Vick

User ID: 15311505
United States
08/13/2012 03:09 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Send him $100 because he will appreciate the thought.. He doesn't give a fuck about the money, he just wants to know you give a shit (the principle), like you said...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21870427
Belarus
08/13/2012 03:09 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
send a money order

never too late


he would be impressed you did it
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21883675
United Kingdom
08/13/2012 03:10 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Go to see him in person with $100

and hug the shit out of him.
Mickeyblue
User ID: 9806228
United States
08/13/2012 03:10 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Either way works as to repayment and the thank you note would be exactly the thing to do and it will be the best money you have ever spent. Cashiers check.

Blessings to you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21894098
Belgium
08/13/2012 03:10 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Send him a letter, explain your situation.

Send him 200.

Your newfound positive attitude and lighter heart will earn you that money back.

Look at it as an investment.
STARLING
godlike productions

User ID: 7252223
United States
08/13/2012 03:11 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Do not make excuses pay all you can as soon as possible and the remaining amount as you can.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21894098
Belgium
08/13/2012 03:12 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
In fact you should pay 220 and say: here's your interest.

Lifelong respect can be bought with 20 extra.

Think about that one
goodmockingbird
In the Heart of the EF 5 Tornado Belt

User ID: 16354268
United States
08/13/2012 03:13 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
I tend to think that your godfather would be pleased to get a letter from you with the first installment of $100.

Tell him in plain language about your former drug use and current sobriety.

I encourage you to go ahead and send him what you can now. Your letter will mean more to him than the money does.

None of us knows what the future may bring.

How would you feel if you forestalled sending him the money until you can send him the full $200 -- only to find that he had suddenly keeled over dead in the time you waited.

Do what you can with what you have to put his mind at ease!
In Memory of Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty: American Heroes, Abandoned and Betrayed.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:14 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Great replies so far! Thank you.

I think you guys are right. By sending him even half he will see that I care and havent forgotten.
Carol B.

User ID: 21050000
United States
08/13/2012 03:15 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Go to see him in person with $100

and hug the shit out of him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21883675


^^THIS^^+1000
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:18 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Go to see him in person with $100

and hug the shit out of him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21883675


^^THIS^^+1000
 Quoting: Carol B.


I am currently in another part of the country. I would love to!

But, in 6 months I will be moving back.
Stellaart13
User ID: 21883675
United Kingdom
08/13/2012 03:18 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Go to see him in person with $100

and hug the shit out of him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21883675


^^THIS^^+1000
 Quoting: Carol B.


you feel it too Carol? thought so hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 667687
United States
08/13/2012 03:19 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
When I was 17 or 18, I borrowed $50.00 from a good friend who was like a big brother to me.

I never seemed to get out of hard times, finally joined the service, got married.... but that $50.00 still bugged me, even though I hadn't spoken to my friend in many years.

Happened to be driving through his state, and decide I would go pay my debt.

Found him! Apologized and paid him.

Huge weight lifted, and he's still like a big brother to me almost 30 years later.

Pay your debt! Even in installments if you have to.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17689295
United States
08/13/2012 03:20 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Send him the $100.00 and a thank you note. It will make you both feel good and the relationship will feel balanced. Congratulations on getting clean OP.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21894521
United Kingdom
08/13/2012 03:20 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Sending him any amount and a thank you letter for his help would be worth a lot more than holding out until you can afford to send it in a lump sum, even if you have to wait a couple of months to send him the other 100..

The fact that after so long you still remember his generous deed and want to repay him will restore a bit of faith in humanity for him.

You're on the right track in life OP :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3558872
United States
08/13/2012 03:22 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Great replies so far! Thank you.

I think you guys are right. By sending him even half he will see that I care and havent forgotten.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11769536



By sending him half, you may feel at some point that that is fair, which it is not. I would send him what you can, but explain that the remainder of the money is coming in X amount of time and YOU NEED TO STICK TO THAT PLAN - be realistic. If you are not realistic and you don't send the money you are cheating yourself. I would also kick in an extra $20 as one poster said for interest. Thank him for his loan, and let him know you never forgot. The money is the principle of the matter, but I'm sure they would rather appreciate how you cleaned yourself up more than anything.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8685518
United States
08/13/2012 03:23 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
I am in the opposite situation. My son's life fell apart about 12 years ago and he got into drugs...big time. I had no idea at the time but I knew his wife had left him with big time debt so I tried to help him financially, to the tune of 30,000 over a years time. He served time for non support, and when he was released he had nothing, not even an identity. I took him in, got him started, but now he is with his old drug buds and making that type of new friends. He is now pissed that I cut him off, no more money until he is 100% on the right path.

Is that wrong of me? What is wrong with him to subject himself to temptation?

To answer your question, your God-father would be thrilled to hear from you and that you remember, appreciate and intend to repay his help. Even without a dime being repaid now. Trust me. Your well-being and your acknowledgement that you owe him will be more than enough. Repay the money when you are better able.
Stellaart13
User ID: 21883675
United Kingdom
08/13/2012 03:24 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
You know something, I try to always listen to my 'inner voice' 3 weeks ago I 'felt' the idea of changing my drive route to work even though it added 15 minutes of so to the journey, don't ask me why but I did.

Later that evening relaxing at home watching the local news on TV I found out there had been a traffic accident on the very road i would have been traveling on at exactly the time I would have been there.

2 people died.
milehighmike

User ID: 339344
United States
08/13/2012 03:28 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Send him the card, as previously suggested and a letter of explanation, accepting responsibility for your past actions & decisions and whatever amount you can afford. Repay the debt as quickly as you are able. It will lift a HUGE weight off of you and it's the "right thing" to do! I praise you for asking for some guidance and understanding what you should do...
"Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'" — Brian Tracy: Personal and business training author, speaker, and consultant

"We are all, right now, living the life we choose." -- Peter McWilliams, Author

"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot." -- Michael Altshuler
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:30 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Excellent advice from all of you. I really do appreciate your help.

I feel like I can't really get on with my life until I pay him. He was my dads best friend (my dad has passed) and my godfather. I did soo many scumbag things when I was on drugs, but even 4 years later I still feel terrible, and I think I always will.

I owe student loans and credit cards, but of course this is different.


So its settled, I will send what I can now. With a letter of thanks and apology.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8685518
United States
08/13/2012 03:31 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
You know something, I try to always listen to my 'inner voice' 3 weeks ago I 'felt' the idea of changing my drive route to work even though it added 15 minutes of so to the journey, don't ask me why but I did.

Later that evening relaxing at home watching the local news on TV I found out there had been a traffic accident on the very road i would have been traveling on at exactly the time I would have been there.

2 people died.
 Quoting: Stellaart13 21883675


I have had similar things happen to me. That's why I don't get mad in obsticles that get in my way... they are there for a reason.

But you must trust your initial instincts when you hear the inner voice, you can't 'over-think' it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8685518
United States
08/13/2012 03:34 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Excellent advice from all of you. I really do appreciate your help.

I feel like I can't really get on with my life until I pay him. He was my dads best friend (my dad has passed) and my godfather. I did soo many scumbag things when I was on drugs, but even 4 years later I still feel terrible, and I think I always will.

I owe student loans and credit cards, but of course this is different.


So its settled, I will send what I can now. With a letter of thanks and apology.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11769536


Just remember, you can't unring a bell. You can't change the past. Use it as a learning experience but the guilt will destroy you if you let it.

Good luck
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:38 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
I am in the opposite situation. My son's life fell apart about 12 years ago and he got into drugs...big time. I had no idea at the time but I knew his wife had left him with big time debt so I tried to help him financially, to the tune of 30,000 over a years time. He served time for non support, and when he was released he had nothing, not even an identity. I took him in, got him started, but now he is with his old drug buds and making that type of new friends. He is now pissed that I cut him off, no more money until he is 100% on the right path.

Is that wrong of me? What is wrong with him to subject himself to temptation?

To answer your question, your God-father would be thrilled to hear from you and that you remember, appreciate and intend to repay his help. Even without a dime being repaid now. Trust me. Your well-being and your acknowledgement that you owe him will be more than enough. Repay the money when you are better able.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8685518


I am sorry for your situation.

As a former drug addict I can tell you that you are 100% doing the right thing. If you continue to support him financially you are basically buying him the drugs.

Now being clean for 4 years, I can look back at the times when people denied me money or help when I asked and I can appreciate it. I see they did the right thing. They knew I was on drugs.

I know as a mother its hard for you to deny your child, but he has already proven that he is using your help to fuel his harmful lifestyle.

When he is clean and sober he will happily come back to you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1106916
United States
08/13/2012 03:39 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Great replies so far! Thank you.

I think you guys are right. By sending him even half he will see that I care and havent forgotten.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11769536


That's right!

hf
Stellaart13
User ID: 21883675
United Kingdom
08/13/2012 03:41 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Good luck OP! bump
Carol B.

User ID: 21050000
United States
08/13/2012 03:47 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Go to see him in person with $100

and hug the shit out of him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21883675


^^THIS^^+1000
 Quoting: Carol B.


you feel it too Carol? thought so hf
 Quoting: Stellaart13 21883675


I do! grouphug
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 11769536
United States
08/13/2012 03:49 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Good luck OP! bump
 Quoting: Stellaart13 21883675


Thank You!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19004483
United States
08/13/2012 04:07 PM
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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Oh for gods sake, pay the Man 200 bucks already.
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 16542544
United States
08/13/2012 04:34 PM

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Re: Need a little advice about owing someone money. A couples questions.
Send what you can afford and a note explaining that you never forgot about the debt and maybe a little explanation as to what your thought process has been regarding the subject matter... A little goes a long way.... The fact that you feel compelled to repay the debt speaks to your good conscious intent.

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"

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