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SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan

 
Bluebird

User ID: 730536
United States
08/16/2012 06:58 PM

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SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan
[link to onion.com]


When Mitt Romney selected me as his running mate, I knew the Democratic attack dogs would come out in full force. They would say I’m a right-wing ideologue. They would say my views on entitlement programs are far too radical. They would say putting me on the ticket immediately kills Mitt Romney’s chances of becoming president because I’m a liability. But if we’re being honest with each other—if we’re able to put aside the talking points for a few minutes and say what we’re all actually thinking and feeling—I believe we can acknowledge the real truth here.


I’m young, I’m handsome, I’m smart, and I’m articulate. And that scares the ever-loving shit out of you. You can pretend like you have this thing in the bag, but you know good goddamn well that this race just got real interesting, real fast.


It’s okay to admit it. You’re frightened to death of me. It might actually be healthy for you to face your fears now rather than later, when Mitt and I are leading by a few points in the polls and it looks like this thing might end badly for you. Face it: I’m not some catastrophe waiting to happen, like a Sarah Palin or a Dan Quayle. On the contrary, you have the exact opposite fear. I’m a solid, competent, some might say exceptional, politician.


Did you get nervous when you read that last sentence? Is it because you know in your heart of hearts that it’s 100 percent true? Is it because, even if you strongly disagree with my beliefs on Medicare, Social Security, women’s rights, and marriage equality, you know my talent as a speaker and my well-thought-out approach to these issues—no matter how radical and convoluted you find them—might just be enough to win over independent voters?



Rest of the article is at the link at the top of OP.

Last Edited by Bluebird on 08/16/2012 07:00 PM
One of the most important aspects of conspiracy theories is being able to discern when there isn't one.

Oh yeah, like you'd understand anyway.

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?. . .J. Handy
Bluebird (OP)

User ID: 730536
United States
08/16/2012 07:19 PM

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Re: SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan
bump

This is the funniest thing I have read all week!
One of the most important aspects of conspiracy theories is being able to discern when there isn't one.

Oh yeah, like you'd understand anyway.

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?. . .J. Handy
beeches

User ID: 14127627
United States
08/16/2012 07:32 PM

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Re: SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan
. . . Says it all!

Keep it up guys, it is nice to feel

something hopeful in our country again.
Now is the time.
Bluebird (OP)

User ID: 730536
United States
08/16/2012 07:41 PM

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Re: SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan
. . . Says it all!

Keep it up guys, it is nice to feel

something hopeful in our country again.
 Quoting: beeches


Yeah, what makes it so hilarious is that it is all true! And they know it!
One of the most important aspects of conspiracy theories is being able to discern when there isn't one.

Oh yeah, like you'd understand anyway.

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?. . .J. Handy
TechRaider

User ID: 8668963
United States
08/16/2012 08:40 PM
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Re: SATIRE: "I’m your worst fucking nightmare." – Paul Ryan
That was hilarious. Needed a good laugh, always.

Thanks!
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