I am a victim of SRA / Mind Control / MK-Ultra

Some of the best, most concise advice I've seen on this thread. I am steering clear of mental health professionals, and for good reason. I have taken countless antidepressants throughout my life, starting at age 12. The doctors were bewildered at why, even at the highest dosages for my weight, nothing would work. In fact, I even guinea-pigged for a drug called Cymbalta when I was in high school. A rebound lead to an overdose which lead to about a week in the mental hospital. The commercials now warn against administering the drug to kids under 18. lol

I think keeping a tight lip toward your former abusers - those you want to confront the most - IS the wisest choice. Recently, in a fit of "wtf do I have to lose," I sent out a stream of texts to some former abusers of mine. I was careful to only acknowledge hard memory (that I'd shared with them in the past), but it was still a poor choice on my part. The last thing someone in my shoes needs to do is draw more attention to themselves from these kinds of people.

Meditation, prayer, and ice cream also help. That sounds like the first steps on a path to peace to me :) Thank you :hf:

That whole implant thing would freak me out, man.

I would be interested in hearing more of your story...

OP, still staying strong?


Keep us updated.

You haven't updated your blog or this thread yet I hope you are still staying strong. The truth may hurt but it will empower your spirit. You seem like a nspiring person.

Have you found any other sources other than Svali that you found to be credible?

Also, continue to be strong. I think everyone got off topic and forgot that that was what you asked for to begin with; strong positive feelings and prayers.

Over the past several months I have come to realize that I was born into a cult, and have been subject to satanic ritual abuse resulting in a mind fragmented into thousands of personalities and personality parts, most of whom are separated from each other by thick amnesia walls to prevent any of my "front" alters, or cognitively aware alters, from recalling the trauma my body has experienced. (I was home schooled from birth through middle school. Father is a computer programmer. Grandfather is a 33rd degree. Brother is military intelligence. It's a near-perfect recipe).

The guy I was seeing earlier this year is a GLPer/conspiracy buff (I also lean on the conspiratorial end of things), and he encouraged me to look into some of the symptoms of SRA / mind control. It's like deep down, he knew. I read some threads here on GLP and poked around at some websites, and some of the evidence started to unfold before my eyes - much to my distress. Simple realization of my past, without strong memories, triggered suicidal thoughts and desires. While I am still unable to recover most memories of what I've been through, I have very clear fragments of memories of being used for various nefarious tasks in the not-so-distant past. One is knowing exactly what an electro-shock device that is inserted into the vagina looks like (without ever reading a description or seeing an image, I know for a fact what it looks like). One of them involves causing direct harm to the aforementioned love interest, at the whim of some cultists / illuminists who live in my city. Note to anyone in a cult-run town: DO NOT go downtown and drink. Ever.

Anyway, since I started figuring out my true past and my confused, dissociated identity, my then-love interest moved in to act as a physical buffer between me and the cult members of my home town, as well as those living in our city. I immediately cut off all communication with family and friends, as I began to realize that they were all involved in my enslavement in some way or another, and that I have been surrounded by cult members and abusers my entire life - and I was completely oblivious/amnesic to it. I was flooded with phone calls and texts, as to be expected from any group of loved ones who find themselves in a communication black-out with someone they supposedly love. They didn't hesitate to start sending trigger messages (specifically tailored wording to bring forth certain alters who are trained to erase any memory of abuse and ensure recontact with the abusers). At first, the messages were paraphrased and relayed to me, but we soon realized that such methods were not sufficient for avoiding triggered responses. All I would need is to know who said what, and without any control, a new alter would come to the front.

Quickly, I realized that my current employer was also "in on it." I began to suspect that I was working for something like a CIA front-company, that hired nothing but slaves and trainers (programmers), and doubled as a reprogramming site. As I began to figure out more of the truth, I began to come home showing signs of punishment and abuse, without any memory of either. I would have stray bruises that had no explanation, soreness, and at one point, my tongue peeled off large strips of skin, as though it had been burned. The Friday before I decided to quit my job (a little too late, I might add), I came home feeling as though I had been pumped full of some kind of anti-depressants. I was literally apathetic to everything around me, feeling lobotomized, and unable to feel any emotion other than slight frustration. I also denied any suggestion of my ritually abused past, and showed no emotion to the possibility. It took until Sunday evening for me to start to regain some of my consciousness, and I realized that something had been done. I quit my job that night via text, and received two almost identical text messages from the CEO and my immediate manager, with classic "triggers" in them. Honestly, I have not been the same since.

The day after I quit, my brother (former military intelligence with security clearance) showed up at my apartment complex out of the blue. He and I live in the same town, but seldom communicate. I had been at the on-site laundry room with my then-love interest, and as we were coming out, he was waiting for me around the corner. He informed me that he was "really worried," and that he had convinced the apartment complex office to let him into my apartment while I was gone, because he knew I had been "depressed lately," and he "wanted to make sure everything was ok." He insisted on following me back to my apartment. Frightened and reluctant, I complied. He stood in my living room, fiddling with some unknown object in his front pocket, and kept looking me in the eyes throwing "remember when" triggers and such my direction. He said he had gone up to my former employer earlier that day (how he knew I quit my job, I have no idea), and that my former co-workers employers were also "really worried" about me, and had "no idea what's going on." This further solidified in my mind that my brother and former employer were in league with whatever I was being used for and enslaved to do, against my will and without my knowledge. He asked me if I had another job lined up, and when I lied and said I had a few leads, he bluntly asked, "You're not whoring, are you?" Without taking a moment to be offended, I responded almost robotically, "No, and I'm not stripping, either." He then informed me that if I were to strip, that he would not protest, but only want to know where I was dancing, so he could avoid that establishment. It didn't even occur to me until later what a horribly abnormal conversation had just transpired. It took my then-love interest pointing it out to me before it began to click.

Before he left my apartment, he commanded me to come stay with him for a few days while I figure things out. If not for my physical man-buffer, I doubt he would have taken "no" for an answer.

Since then, I have been struggling financially. I only recently began working again, and acquired a lease at an apartment after living in a motel for a few weeks. I have been constantly watched and followed by strangers, even to the point of them taking pictures of my love interest and me in broad daylight when we're in public. Over this period of time, I have been struggling against self-harm and suicidal programming that was activated at some point after leaving the cult, and perhaps reinforced by "we love you" and "we miss you" messages from my family and friends.

I have been working on getting acquainted with some of my alters. In fact, while reading Svali's "The Illuminati - How the Cult Programs People" one of the child alters brought forth a memory of my mother's face being demonically transfigured as she sat at my bedside one night in the pitch-black dark. I can't remember if she was singing "Amazing Grace" at the time, or speaking to me (in low, hypnotic tones, no less). The little child alter told me that she thought our mother looked like an alien, and reminded me of how frightening it was. How afraid she was to even talk about it. It's taking some time, but slowly, I think the amnesia walls are being bent, and hopefully one day will be penetrated.


Enough of the text walls. Right now, the same love interest who brought all of this to my attention has finally gotten fed up with my suicidal programming and the fact that being with me means we're both constantly surrounded and watched by cultists and satanists. He is convinced that my involvement in his life is the result of an illuminati plot to silence and entrap him. Who knows, he may be right. But now I'm facing the beast alone. Literally.

Any positive vibes y'all can send my way, and any advice you might offer that could help someone in my position prevent the cult from re-accessing me and/or the alters inside me who are still loyal to the cult, I would really appreciate it. I've promised some of the alters I've gotten to know that we never have to go back to our horrible life, but I'm afraid that without anybody around, I will either have a moment of weakness and return, or will finally off myself. I DO NOT WANT EITHER OF THESE TO HAPPEN.

I literally have no one in my life now except my cat. I have no car (it mysteriously broke down one day, even though it hadn't been driven much), and I am forced to use the bus for transportation to-and-from work. I am not even convinced that my new job is legit - it, too, might end up being another trap for my re-enslavement.

I am in much need of moral/spiritual support, from any of you, wherever you may be.





... let the shilling begin

OP here are my impressions just reading your post. I don't know you personally so take this with a grain of salt and please don't take offense. You sound like a very spiritually in-tune individual and unfortunately it appears that this state can make individuals susceptible to feelings of paranoia and persecution. I think your increased sense of awareness and proneness to other peoples' energies & emotions can often create feelings of alienation and create this barrier or wall that you perceive exists between yourself and those that you interact with. This 'distance' that you perceive can help to fuel these feelings of paranoia/persecution because you feel separate from these individuals that you interact with - like you are operating on a completely different wavelength, and this can create the impression that the others are working together' since you perceive them as being on a similar wavelength that is much different from your own. The ego element of your mind can also contribute to these feelings of being watched as it's the portion of your mind that concerns itself with how others view & judge you. If this part of your consciousness is energized or over-identified with, it can manifest itself in some unpleasant ways, as you may feel compelled to believe you are constantly being watched and scrutinized.

Have you ever sat down and really challenged these beliefs that you have arrived at? Asked difficult questions that force you to question the validity and practicality of these assertions? Have you allowed for the possibility that your perceptions or impressions of the 'situation' may be off? The messages you received from your friends & family, those sounded very normal responses to receive given the circumstances. The actions by your brother did not sound all that out of context either. You have to also understand that if your friends & family have perceived that you went 'off the deep end' they may feel compelled to take actions or reach out to you in a very direct manner and may not know how to approach you or the circumstances because they may feel uncomfortable or that they are not able to relate to what you're going through.

I don't feel all that different from you yet I don't even know you on a personal level. The suicidal feelings need not be elicited by others as they are much more common than you think and I believe are often the product of feeling detached and separate from the world around you - I've gone down that road myself. Please hang in there and stick around. We live in very interesting times and you don't want to miss the fireworks when they start.

I need some info as well, i am suspecting that same similiar thing but if I post on the web they will know how much i know i am not a psycho, I am a father of 2, Ibeleive my wife and I were put together to carry out some experiemnt and that she is a programmer or slave, can you give me info on how to report this type of activity without looking like a whacko

snip

I found a few fellow survivor blogs I like, some of which are listed on my blog. I would suggest those. I'm wary, though, because there are endless traps for survivors as they begin reaching out. I'm not sure if anyone has this shit figured out 100%... lots of false beliefs out there, and I am by no means immune to that.

I'll let y'all know if I find some gold. For anyone going through similar troubles, stay strong. Good luck in your studies, and be cautious at every turn!

<3

Report it to who? LMFAO.
Sorry. But seriously, who would you report the underbelly of the beast to? The beast itself?

its one we have to fight alone till the day comes when good people do the right thing

Amazing isn't it, how a word can change everything...