I'm crying laughing at this...

"I checked my head, there was blood, but no brains were coming out"

Funny is universal regardless of faith.

Thanks for the laugh.

virus do not open

You don't have to, you can watch it here:

What virus? Or is humor suppose to be an illness?

Is the punchline: RELIGITARDS?


Because yeah their lack of logic is HI LA RIOUS

"We have a law in Texas, that you don't have to wear your helmet [on a motor cycle]. Because we don't care about our stupid people."

I was skeptical, but you got to admit, christian or not, the guy was funny.

He's pretty cool.

To further the point that funny is universal regardless of faith..

Muslim Humor...



lol

Yeah that was the best part lol.

I like that you posted that because if the OP is serious about open comedy then this shouldn't upset him/her

Jewish?

Maybe humor is something that can undivide humanity?

Nah, wars and violence are much more fun... Right?

Didn't see the funny part but hey, I'm an original protestant I guess.

Catholic?

Kwanzaa?



lol

For the non-religious, who think it's all "bullshit"



:P

The truth is, there is one God, one creator.

He gave you this world, life, and everything you needed to make all of the right choices in life.

The world was yours to make, or to destroy.

The path to evil and sin, not far from the path to enlightenment and peace.

God is not defined by religions, or texts defined as the word of God spoken through men, stories, myths and fables..

God does not intervene, he gave you the choices.

What this world (our world) is, has been the direct result of the choices of all of humanity.

Only one question remains unanswered... Does God have a sense of humor?

;)

I like him, he's funny.

*Did you ever see anyone too afraid to walk into a jewish neighbourhood in case they might get killed by an accountant!*

lmao

for the hell of it.

Thanks! After a Monday like today( yes its friday) I needed a laugh!

DAM!!!!! someone beet me to the punch. i was going to post this video.

Beetje soft ... But ... There is a i don't give a damn.

George Carlin has always been a favorite of mine. Thanks for posting the other vids everyone. All good stuff. And yes, god does has a sense of humor. Just look around.

This thread was a nice diversion from all of the crap going on right now.

Email from one of my Canadian friends.


Nominee for Best CANADIAN Joke of the year...

A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada
He stops the first person he sees walking down
the street and says,

"Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country,
giving me housing,
Money for food, free medical care, and free education!"

The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Jamaican."

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.
"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here
in Canada!"

The person says, "I not Canadian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he
sees he stops,
Shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the
wonderful Canada!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle
East , I am not Canadian!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Canadian?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa !"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"
The African lady checks her watch and
says..."Probably at work."

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, ' Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much che aper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..... so does she...


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning..
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... 'HEBREWS'


The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed..

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Abbott & Costello explain the Federal Gov's Unemployment Numbers .....

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 8.3%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16.5%.

COSTELLO: You just said 8.3%.

ABBOTT: 8.3% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 8.3% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16.5%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16.5% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 8.3%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 8.3% or 16.5%?

ABBOTT: 8.3% are unemployed. 16.5% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 8.3%. Otherwise it would be 16.5%. You don't want to read about 16.5% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a politician.