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REPORT COPYRIGHT VIOLATION IN REPLY
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Message Subject
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Medicare And My Mother
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Poster Handle
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tiger1 |
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Post Content
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There is nothing I can do with her. She is extremely independant, but yet is so dependant on others.
Quoting: tiger1 You can lay it on the line and tell her you can't do this much anymore. That she is going to have to give in and meet you at least half way. Get ready for tough love or you can just let her run your life until she dies. I had to move a few states away from my mom because of work and she knows it is either assisted living for her or moving in with me. I cannot run down to see her at all because finances are tight now. It is rough but you have to do what is best for you. She is 90 years old and has lived a long life. She doesn't have the right to run anyone ragged. She needs to understand she is old and has to deal with it now. And you need to help her see this. If we pull out on her, she will be dead in a week. I cannot live with that. That's the thing too. So many families easily adapt to throwing mom or dad in a nursing home. One lady I work with who considers herself 'caring for her mother' by dumping her in a nursing home told me the other day how she can't stand to visit the place! She tried to get in and out quickly. And everyone lauds her as the perfect daughter! We aren't those kind of folks. We are VERY close and they have lived with me for years. If one is separated from the others, they will die. I know this. Still, my mother says no matter what we do as children, we will still have guilt, it's the nature of the situation. Even if we do everything right. She's 78 and sharp as a tack but has developed medical problems. Wish you could talk to her OP. ;) My Dad, who died at age 65, was in a nursing home for a little over a year before he died. He had an enlarged heart, emphysema and dementia. When he tried to kill my mother, there was no choice but to put him into a nursing home. He got to the point of uncontrollable. Even at the nursing home, he was violent. He attacked other patients, and tried to strangle me one time when I came to visit him. He did not know what he was doing. It still made it very difficult for all of us. I wanted my Dad the way he was, not what he became. I am falling asleep at my computer. I had better go to bed. I will pick this up tomorrow. Thank you, everyone, who has contributed to this discussion. 
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