The Personal Experience of Knowledge

Ok,

I have a confession to make.

I didn't totally make up the word "Toraz". I got that one from a Nine (east coast hip hop artist) joint.

That's my second fav track of his.

My fav track, and my fav hip hop joint of all time...is this:

[link to www.youtube.com]

This joint has the ability to take all of your problems away forever.

So, the year is '98 or perhaps '99. I can't be sure since I never have written this down until now.

I had fallen asleep during the day at my girlfriend's apartment. It was a clear day. A beautiful day. I had fallen asleep with my feet pointed towards the front door of the apartment (indeed the only door).

I awoke to a truly frighting scene. The entire wall around the front door ripped apart and I could see the high winds of a ferocious storm outside. The entire room lurched as what I could only assume was a tornado had picked up the entire building.

The room began to disintegrate all around me, with pieces of wall, furniture, and other flying projectiles flying past me from left to right.

I was absolutely terrified. I had the very real sensation that death was imminent. I was floating in the air and without a small shred of doubt knew that some projectile was about to rip me apart.

The terror I felt was so real that it began to manifest itself in every fiber of my being. Just when I became absolutely convinced that I was going to die, the flood of every type of emotion imaginable began to drain out of me.

The fear was totally gone, and I hung in the air, unrealistically floating inside the vortex of a tornado, which I could see was swirling around me. I had abandoned myself to the inevitable outcome. I had acquiesced to my fate.

I truly felt alive for the first time in my life. I then began to wonder where this tornado would take me. Low and behold, I could see a light of a golden yellow begin to penetrate the tornado's murky gray field of terror in front of me.

The winds began to subside and I began to gently descend closer to the ground. Ahead of me I could see a field of green grass lit in the light of a beautiful day. The field wasn't flat. It seemed to be on a gently sloping hill.

I knew I would arrive there safely, and when I realized this, I woke up to find myself back in my girlfriend's apartment.

I had this profound sensation that this dream was somehow important to my future. Little did I know that I soon would encounter Clark and Amy...and through them...Castaneda's works.

straw men form a broken circle,
debate doom - fine jewels decorate the room;
lavish life
'...to cling...we must create some strife
and divide with the cut of the knife'
...agreed.
Soon they departed to plant seed
grim reap their harvest of greed,
never ending, with no beginning;
these men could remember
the orders execute in September
sow it up
they drank from a cup that failed to replenish
the lust of a dominant menace,
ever growing, and never knowing
what's veiled in the shadow
once roamed through the woods of the Caddo,
in deed
a coin for a blade had sustained the creed
if broken then many would bleed
indiscretion; many lessons,
many treacherous confessions
when pressed by the pressure profession
That's the price
A life for a life for a life for a life
The hare calmly smokes the pipe
hardly concerned
he smirks as he casually watches the world burn
if only these fools could learn
what a pity
A life for a life for a life for a life
the panther's prowl stalks the night
hardly concerned
he smirks as he casually watches the world burn
if only these fools could learn
what a pity.

[link to www.youtube.com]

Release Yo Delf

[link to www.youtube.com]

OP, I appreciate your ability to put your experiences in words for others to understand. I do not know if I would be able to articulate my experiences, or be able to share in such a public place. Thanks for opening a discussion.

I would like to hear some more ideas regarding stalkers vs dreamers if anyone feels like sharing.

I think in order to do it properly, one must separate personal history from personal experience.

That takes time with a heavy emphasis placed on conservation of energy which translates into 'recapitulation'.

I would never have shared such things until recently. One has to drop personal history completely to execute the telling of such profoundly personal realizations on a forum like this one.

This is what I have learned:

“For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous desert, in this marvelous time. I want to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it.”

-- Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

haha!!

Love Journey to Ixtlan. I was able to obtain a first edition of it with the original hardback cover through some maneuvering back in the late fall of '02.

Instead of retreating to a cave to work on recapitulation over a few days like I read Taisha Abelar did, I have been spending the last year working on this in bits and pieces, between my "obligations". Slow moving, but the power is returning. Personal responsibility is hard work.

It will return. Losing the human form is like a spiral. We only choose once. There is no one path to optimization. We choose, and whatever we learn along the way has to be learned the hard way, limited only by our own nature.

The path everyone takes is inherently customized to their nature. If we need to learn patience, it might take longer.

If we need to learn sweetness, obstacles consisting of those in need might be placed in our way.

If cunning is needed, dualistic based conundrums will bombard our path.

If ruthlessness needs to be sharpened, petty tyrants will attempt to block our way.

The mystery that surrounds us will afford each of us ample opportunity to master the four essential moods of stalking.

What you want is an unexpected approach that may delay a suspect's awareness of your presence until you have a chance to assess the situation you are confronted.

Approach to danger. Don't move, it's hard to predict what would happen next...

...(drop the gun)...

you could have prevented a tragedy.

[link to www.youtube.com]