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My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:11 PM
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My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
My husband just had a meltdown, partially over finances, partially over my stress of the finances, and now I'm not sure what to do next. I've been a stay-at-home housewife for the past two years. I have always had the house cleaned, worked hard to lose the baby weight and am back down to pre-pregnancy size, I always have breakfast and dinner ready for him, and most importantly, I take care of our son.
He just walked out on us tonight and I'm so scared. I don't want to make a deal out of this to anyone in case he comes back, so I guess I'm turning to GLP for support. We only have one cell phone and no land line so I can't get a hold of him. I don't know what he's planning.
alexisj9

User ID: 1376880
United Kingdom
08/25/2012 10:13 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hopefully he is like my husband and will come home in a few hours when he's calmed down.
Sleeping Giant

User ID: 20913616
United States
08/25/2012 10:15 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Struggling with finances can be extremely difficult on a marriage. It's a very common problem. Maybe he just went out to clear his head, and will be back.
"And I know that when I leave savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard. We are not the wolves at the gate, we are the ones who face them."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22571671
Puerto Rico
08/25/2012 10:17 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hope you can overcome it ... finances kill love , seems love is becoming a luxury for the rich...

specialy when wemen measure sex as reward there is were problems start .... love was gone & left long ago over interest and profit....
tiger1

User ID: 6269153
United States
08/25/2012 10:18 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Concentrate on your child for the time being. If it was me, that is what I would do. IF he doesn't come back by monday, you might want to consider legal action. You have to protect yourself and your child financially. Remember, HE is the one who walked out on you and your child. You are not the bad guy here, as he is the one who technically has abandoned the both of you.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:19 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hopefully he is like my husband and will come home in a few hours when he's calmed down.
 Quoting: alexisj9


I hope so, but he's accusing me of 'checking out'. I asked him, 'is this it?' Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he turned on me and started yelling at me. When we first found out I was pregnant his response was 'so I guess you got what you wanted.' He didn't even look at me. Over the course of the pregnancy, if I got even a little upset, he would get in my face and scream at me. Finger pointing, spit flying, everything. We went to counseling for about 2 months and then he quit going. Our son was born and the finances really got tight and during our 'discussion', even while I was nursing, he would get in my face and scream at me. A couple of months ago he threw a broom at me but luckily it hit the door frame to the hallway (hard enough to bend it).
I've got tired of the behavior and started harping on him all of the time. I'm not blameless here either, but I never did anything like he did. I tried to sit on his suit case to prevent him from leaving (stupid, yes) and he picked it up and threw me off of it.
He said he's not going to pay child support, he doesn't care about me, all of this nasty stuff.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22051535
United States
08/25/2012 10:19 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Don't worry he's probably just out for a dasbier
Lilac.Nights

User ID: 7945782
United States
08/25/2012 10:21 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
verysad do you want him back?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:21 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Concentrate on your child for the time being. If it was me, that is what I would do. IF he doesn't come back by monday, you might want to consider legal action. You have to protect yourself and your child financially. Remember, HE is the one who walked out on you and your child. You are not the bad guy here, as he is the one who technically has abandoned the both of you.
 Quoting: tiger1


Thanks for the response and I will do what I can. Alex is two now and is aware of so much. With the way things have been going I don't want him to grow up like this. IF my husband could get his act together; IF I could learn to not be such a nagging wench; IF we could get through school and get better jobs then things might change.
And then I see all of the 'IF's' and the fact that he hasn't tried to work through our issues it just makes it seem so hopeless.
SealsofSeven

User ID: 1267719
United States
08/25/2012 10:22 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:23 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
verysad do you want him back?
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


Your avatar made me laugh!

I don't know; I think it's turning into a very unhealthy home for our son.

He's never full out hit me, grabbed my hair, anything like that...but he has thrown stuff at me and lately he's been very verbally abusive.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14896274
Australia
08/25/2012 10:24 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
I'd give you a hug but the pacific ocean is a bit of an obstacle.

So here hugs

You sound like a good wife, hopefully he realizes how lucky he is and comes home. hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:24 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
FFS
User ID: 20193367
United States
08/25/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Are u hot? Pics please
FFS
User ID: 20193367
United States
08/25/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Are u hot? Pics please
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11696035
Canada
08/25/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Thanks for the support guys! I maxed out my karma so I will hit you all with some green as soon as I can!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:26 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


We tried but day care cost more than my paychecks were bringing in.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21300769
United States
08/25/2012 10:26 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
got any pics of yourself?

Plenty of nice guys here to swoop in and save you



Your husband has a classic case of He's Banging a Hotter co-worker right now who convinced him to leave you syndrome

What does he do for a living? This has cheat written all over it. He was just waiting for an out and he took it!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10729761
United States
08/25/2012 10:26 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
I'm sure he will be back. You sound like an ideal wife so he would be stupid to leave you. Sometimes finances can cause some real problems. Especially for men. We want to provide for our familes and when we can't give them everything we want them to have we feel as if we are failing or letting our family down.

If you are giving him hell over finances this will just make things worse. He won't be mad at you really. He will be more mad at himself that he can't make you happy and give you everything you want.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2215492
United States
08/25/2012 10:27 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Are you hot?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:29 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
got any pics of yourself?

Plenty of nice guys here to swoop in and save you



Your husband has a classic case of He's Banging a Hotter co-worker right now who convinced him to leave you syndrome

What does he do for a living? This has cheat written all over it. He was just waiting for an out and he took it!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21300769


He is a low-level banker for Wells Fargo.

I'm sure he will be back. You sound like an ideal wife so he would be stupid to leave you. Sometimes finances can cause some real problems. Especially for men. We want to provide for our familes and when we can't give them everything we want them to have we feel as if we are failing or letting our family down.

If you are giving him hell over finances this will just make things worse. He won't be mad at you really. He will be more mad at himself that he can't make you happy and give you everything you want.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10729761


Thank you! hf
It's not exactly giving him hell, but I can see it coming across that way. He messed the finances up so bad that our electricity was shut off. I begged my grandfather for cash to pay it, paid him back through working for him, and took over the finances for the most part. He started lying about paying some bills (I would then not pay them) and late fees would accrue, stuff was getting shut off.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:30 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Are you hot?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2215492


Well he always called me beautiful, sexy, hot. I work out every day and eat really healthily. I will admit to not dressing up like I used to, but I try to slap on some make up when I can, and fix my hair. How about this, I don't go out of my way to look hot for him, but I make sure to not look like a slob.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11696035
Canada
08/25/2012 10:31 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


We tried but day care cost more than my paychecks were bringing in.
 Quoting: Boudicca


So now that he's gone, you'll still be paying daycare.

WTF is your plan other than being his dependent?

It's a TEAM not a husband + cleaning lady. That's what Consuela immigrated for.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10729761
United States
08/25/2012 10:31 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


Don't listen to this unless your so broke you need to work. Your son should come first, not some extra cash. If you work then some stranger will be raising your son. When your sons older you will be grateful that you raised him right and got to spend time with him.

A lot of people think stay at home Moms are lazy. Thats BS. If more mothers spent more time raising their kids instead of trying to act like men and handing their children over to some stranger to be raised, we would be a whole lot better off as a society.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14392840
United States
08/25/2012 10:32 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
 Quoting: Boudicca


That sux, Doesnt sound too promising

Ladies, stay away from the nerds and the wanna be yuppies, They always have sexual kinks and are super obsessed with money.

Get yourself a good home grown, farm boy or midwesterner that likes flea markets and fairs and comedies..

Ive never freaked out like that on my woman, never yelled at her about money, never had sexual perversions. I get by appreciating Gods green earth, and my dream vacation is at my fishing cabin near the lakes . As long as I have a sound roof over my head, good food. loving wife, What more is there to ask for?..
ar-15 nut

User ID: 1281306
United States
08/25/2012 10:32 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hopefully he is like my husband and will come home in a few hours when he's calmed down.
 Quoting: alexisj9


I hope so, but he's accusing me of 'checking out'. I asked him, 'is this it?' Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he turned on me and started yelling at me. When we first found out I was pregnant his response was 'so I guess you got what you wanted.' He didn't even look at me. Over the course of the pregnancy, if I got even a little upset, he would get in my face and scream at me. Finger pointing, spit flying, everything. We went to counseling for about 2 months and then he quit going. Our son was born and the finances really got tight and during our 'discussion', even while I was nursing, he would get in my face and scream at me. A couple of months ago he threw a broom at me but luckily it hit the door frame to the hallway (hard enough to bend it).
I've got tired of the behavior and started harping on him all of the time. I'm not blameless here either, but I never did anything like he did. I tried to sit on his suit case to prevent him from leaving (stupid, yes) and he picked it up and threw me off of it.
He said he's not going to pay child support, he doesn't care about me, all of this nasty stuff.
 Quoting: Boudicca


there is no reason to hit your wife or throw her off anything leave him b4 he hurts you me and the wife have had
disagreements but i know she would leave me if i ever put a hand on her or spit wtf is wrong with people you are supposed to love eatch outher the economy suks now but you need to be supporting each outher not runing away good luck op hf
A pissed off American veteran!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2215492
United States
08/25/2012 10:32 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Are you hot?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2215492


Well he always called me beautiful, sexy, hot. I work out every day and eat really healthily. I will admit to not dressing up like I used to, but I try to slap on some make up when I can, and fix my hair. How about this, I don't go out of my way to look hot for him, but I make sure to not look like a slob.
 Quoting: Boudicca



So you must be horny?
BossBattles

User ID: 8410224
United States
08/25/2012 10:33 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
My husband just had a meltdown, partially over finances, partially over my stress of the finances, and now I'm not sure what to do next. I've been a stay-at-home housewife for the past two years. I have always had the house cleaned, worked hard to lose the baby weight and am back down to pre-pregnancy size, I always have breakfast and dinner ready for him, and most importantly, I take care of our son.
He just walked out on us tonight and I'm so scared. I don't want to make a deal out of this to anyone in case he comes back, so I guess I'm turning to GLP for support. We only have one cell phone and no land line so I can't get a hold of him. I don't know what he's planning.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Time to sell dat ass
I can say what I want to,
even if I'm not serious.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:33 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


We tried but day care cost more than my paychecks were bringing in.
 Quoting: Boudicca


So now that he's gone, you'll still be paying daycare.

WTF is your plan other than being his dependent?

It's a TEAM not a husband + cleaning lady. That's what Consuela immigrated for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


I understand your point, but this is what we've set up and he was happy with it. I'm actually a full time Radiology student and will complete my degree by May (IF he comes back and we go to our routines) and will make MUCH more than him. We always had the plan of me getting my degree, going to work full time and him switching to part time while he finishes his degree. I try to take as much stress off of him as possible (with the exception of the fights about finances) but obviously I was not doing enough.
tiger1

User ID: 6269153
United States
08/25/2012 10:34 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
verysad do you want him back?
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


Your avatar made me laugh!

I don't know; I think it's turning into a very unhealthy home for our son.

He's never full out hit me, grabbed my hair, anything like that...but he has thrown stuff at me and lately he's been very verbally abusive.
 Quoting: Boudicca


If he is being abusive, it is good he has left. You don't need the grief, and your son doesn't need to see his father act like a jerk towards women. As for not paying child support, as long as he has a paycheck, the money will be taken out if he likes it or not.
What one of the other posters said, could be the truth. He has got someone on the side, and this is his out.
I really think, if he doesn't come home by monday morning, is to see a lawyer. If you have no money for a lawyer, contact legal aid. IF your husband comes home, and starts verbally abusing you, and starts to throw things at you AGAIN, call the police. Don't be a victim, be a victor in this difficult situation.

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