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My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19129589
United States
08/25/2012 10:34 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
got any pics of yourself?

Plenty of nice guys here to swoop in and save you



Your husband has a classic case of He's Banging a Hotter co-worker right now who convinced him to leave you syndrome

What does he do for a living? This has cheat written all over it. He was just waiting for an out and he took it!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21300769



^^ That is a definite possibility!

OP, if you guys have a checking/savings account, draw out the money before he does!! You do not want to be sitting there and totally broke because he took every cent.


As for him not paying child support, lol that's not how it works. When you go to court for a divorce usually child support and visitations are part of the proceedings.


Hope things get better for you, just be there for your child and keep your head up is all you can do right now.

Also his behavior (abusiveness) is escalating, if he does come back, keep a watch out for this.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:35 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
maybe you stressed him out really bad , so he left to find some strange.

just saying....
 Quoting: SealsofSeven


I would agree with the stressed him out really bad, not all of my fault but some of it is.
The thing is, he's really weird about sex. He's super self-conscious and the girl he dated prior to me kept cheating on him and he took it!
Lately he's been wanting to get into more S&M stuff and so I'm not sure if he'd be able to perform for a stranger. I wouldn't want him back if he slept with someone else.
 Quoting: Boudicca


That sux, Doesnt sound too promising

Ladies, stay away from the nerds and the wanna be yuppies, They always have sexual kinks and are super obsessed with money.

Get yourself a good home grown, farm boy or midwesterner that likes flea markets and fairs and comedies..

Ive never freaked out like that on my woman, never yelled at her about money, never had sexual perversions. I get by appreciating Gods green earth, and my dream vacation is at my fishing cabin near the lakes . As long as I have a sound roof over my head, good food. loving wife, What more is there to ask for?..
 Quoting: APOLLO ILLUMINIST


HE WAS FROM KANSAS!!! hF
I actually dated a guy from New Jersey (where I attended university for a time) and SWORE I would NEVER date a yuppie/nerd again. I just didn't take into consideration that the package is just that...the wrapping.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15148589
United States
08/25/2012 10:35 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
youre not getting any younger, so skip the prelims... go right for the prostitution and heavy drug abuse
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21249379
United States
08/25/2012 10:36 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
wishing the best for you and your family.....all I have to offer , sorry
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:37 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
got any pics of yourself?

Plenty of nice guys here to swoop in and save you



Your husband has a classic case of He's Banging a Hotter co-worker right now who convinced him to leave you syndrome

What does he do for a living? This has cheat written all over it. He was just waiting for an out and he took it!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21300769



^^ That is a definite possibility!

OP, if you guys have a checking/savings account, draw out the money before he does!! You do not want to be sitting there and totally broke because he took every cent.


As for him not paying child support, lol that's not how it works. When you go to court for a divorce usually child support and visitations are part of the proceedings.


Hope things get better for you, just be there for your child and keep your head up is all you can do right now.

Also his behavior (abusiveness) is escalating, if he does come back, keep a watch out for this.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19129589


Thanks for the advice...though we only have $15 in the account currently. We've been living paycheck-to-paycheck for two years now.
Thank you all so much for the advice! You are wonderful people and I am so glad I found this forum!hfhfhf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11696035
Canada
08/25/2012 10:39 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Too bad breakfast and dinner don't provide an income.


Clean less; get a part-time job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


We tried but day care cost more than my paychecks were bringing in.
 Quoting: Boudicca


So now that he's gone, you'll still be paying daycare.

WTF is your plan other than being his dependent?

It's a TEAM not a husband + cleaning lady. That's what Consuela immigrated for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


I understand your point, but this is what we've set up and he was happy with it. I'm actually a full time Radiology student and will complete my degree by May (IF he comes back and we go to our routines) and will make MUCH more than him. We always had the plan of me getting my degree, going to work full time and him switching to part time while he finishes his degree. I try to take as much stress off of him as possible (with the exception of the fights about finances) but obviously I was not doing enough.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Maybe you are both just living above your means if finances are an issue, and you can't be a student/mom at the same time. Both are expensive endeavors both time and money wise.


Let's put it this way: what's left after all the NEEDS (not wants) are paid for? percentage wise
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22107436
United States
08/25/2012 10:39 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Men who walk out on their wife and kid(s) are pussies. Men who also don't appreciate a stay at home wife that raises their kid(s) are also pussies.

I don't have any advice for you but if he walks out on you and stays gone and leaves to fend for yourself then you are better off without his sorry ass.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22606548
Australia
08/25/2012 10:39 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hi OP you sound like a nice enough woman, and I normally dont respond to these type of threads but I'll make an exception, simply because your where mature enough to state you are not blameless, which is rare. You dont appear to be playing the victim for self vindication.

OK, here is my take.

Your hubby, as a child used to throw temper tantrums.

As a result, the parenting applied was one of punishment to those temper tantrums, instead of parenting based on emotional guidance.

Now, as he does not have an authoritarian punishment reaction to his tempers, he now has free reign to act out.

It is a classic dummy spit and flounce.

Now. When he comes back (note this is when not if) make sure he is not coming back because he finds it "too tough" to "live without you", and he "is sorry". (how many times have you heard that?) If he displays that reasoning you are dealing with a manchild.

How do I know?

I was one. It was only with brutal self evaluation that I overcame that crap, and now never lose my shit in that way.

I now am able to stand my ground and communicate in a way to achieve a resolution, and in a calm manner. The only way I was able to do that is with humility, and recognising what is important, and what had been imprinted on my emotional growth.

You will also need to make some tough choices here too.

Hope that helps.
drhoecker
User ID: 21362211
United States
08/25/2012 10:42 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
hey,i give you a hug.
my wife was caught with her boyfriend back in 07
i still have never seen my children since,two girls.
men are mean,he is not in love it sounds like. stay sober and be ok with yourself.jr needs you.the ass holes out here are not to be worried about.do what you need to do.babysitter even if needed and you work even if part time, try day care out and there is no need to replace the guy,stay single for a while till you get over him,dont bring another lozer in to your home,dont become stuck either
and remember love will guide u.
it will not be easy but you can be ok.
your brother dana
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21300769
United States
08/25/2012 10:42 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
You just said money was missing which should have gone towards some bills?

Guess where it went?
Cash withdrawals(leave no paper trails) then off to either

A. Strip clubs & escorts
or
B. The other woman
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22107436
United States
08/25/2012 10:43 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hopefully he is like my husband and will come home in a few hours when he's calmed down.
 Quoting: alexisj9


I hope so, but he's accusing me of 'checking out'. I asked him, 'is this it?' Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he turned on me and started yelling at me. When we first found out I was pregnant his response was 'so I guess you got what you wanted.' He didn't even look at me. Over the course of the pregnancy, if I got even a little upset, he would get in my face and scream at me. Finger pointing, spit flying, everything. We went to counseling for about 2 months and then he quit going. Our son was born and the finances really got tight and during our 'discussion', even while I was nursing, he would get in my face and scream at me. A couple of months ago he threw a broom at me but luckily it hit the door frame to the hallway (hard enough to bend it).
I've got tired of the behavior and started harping on him all of the time. I'm not blameless here either, but I never did anything like he did. I tried to sit on his suit case to prevent him from leaving (stupid, yes) and he picked it up and threw me off of it.
He said he's not going to pay child support, he doesn't care about me, all of this nasty stuff.
 Quoting: Boudicca


He sounds like a real pussy. Anybody who treats a woman this way, especially the mother of his child, is a pussy. It sounds like you would be better off without him. And yes, he WILL pay child support. Him not giving a shit about you does not get him off the hook for supporting the kid he fathered. You have been a stay at home wife for two years? If so, depending on the state, you may also be entitled to alimony.
CatBTX

User ID: 19108954
United States
08/25/2012 10:46 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
verysad do you want him back?
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


Your avatar made me laugh!

I don't know; I think it's turning into a very unhealthy home for our son.

He's never full out hit me, grabbed my hair, anything like that...but he has thrown stuff at me and lately he's been very verbally abusive.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Let him go. You don't need that shit in your life and your child certainly doesn't.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:46 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
...


We tried but day care cost more than my paychecks were bringing in.
 Quoting: Boudicca


So now that he's gone, you'll still be paying daycare.

WTF is your plan other than being his dependent?

It's a TEAM not a husband + cleaning lady. That's what Consuela immigrated for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


I understand your point, but this is what we've set up and he was happy with it. I'm actually a full time Radiology student and will complete my degree by May (IF he comes back and we go to our routines) and will make MUCH more than him. We always had the plan of me getting my degree, going to work full time and him switching to part time while he finishes his degree. I try to take as much stress off of him as possible (with the exception of the fights about finances) but obviously I was not doing enough.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Maybe you are both just living above your means if finances are an issue, and you can't be a student/mom at the same time. Both are expensive endeavors both time and money wise.


Let's put it this way: what's left after all the NEEDS (not wants) are paid for? percentage wise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


Breakdown per month: Income: around $2k
Mandatory enrollment for healthcare: $400
Car payment (1 car): $360
Rent: $725
Electric/Water/Trash: +/- $200
Food: $100 a week (includes the diapers we are hoping will end soon)
Gas for car:$80 per week.

We get around $5k from student loans/grants/scholarships but they won't be disbursed until Sept. 22. Cjust started school this past May and sometime in October he will get what his tuition cost reimbursed (not books). We take online courses for some of it and need internet so that's about $75.
Rambaldi

User ID: 18747276
United States
08/25/2012 10:47 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hang in there. You don't want him back if that's how he reacted when he found out you were pregnant and if he throws things at you.

Plenty of classier men in the world.

Also, he's a banister.
Gur ubhe vf nyzbfg ng unaq.
Rambaldi

User ID: 18747276
United States
08/25/2012 10:48 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hang in there. You don't want him back if that's how he reacted when he found out you were pregnant and if he throws things at you.

Plenty of classier men in the world.

Also, he's a banister.
 Quoting: Rambaldi


Meant to say "bankster."

Damn iPad.
Gur ubhe vf nyzbfg ng unaq.
SaveAmericaFightNWO

User ID: 19096721
United States
08/25/2012 10:50 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
My husband just had a meltdown, partially over finances, partially over my stress of the finances, and now I'm not sure what to do next. I've been a stay-at-home housewife for the past two years. I have always had the house cleaned, worked hard to lose the baby weight and am back down to pre-pregnancy size, I always have breakfast and dinner ready for him, and most importantly, I take care of our son.
He just walked out on us tonight and I'm so scared. I don't want to make a deal out of this to anyone in case he comes back, so I guess I'm turning to GLP for support. We only have one cell phone and no land line so I can't get a hold of him. I don't know what he's planning.
 Quoting: Boudicca



Not to make a joke, but you could hide yourself and your kid, but then again if you hide yourself when he really needs you, could back-fire..

so just chill and maybe give him some affection where he needs it most to make him chill


"what would you do if you, knew all the things we knew. Would you stand up for truth, or would you turn and walk away"
Vision Thing

User ID: 21063079
United States
08/25/2012 10:51 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Ladies, stay away from the nerds and the wanna be yuppies, They always have sexual kinks and are super obsessed with money.

Get yourself a good home grown, farm boy or midwesterner that likes flea markets and fairs and comedies..

Ive never freaked out like that on my woman, never yelled at her about money, never had sexual perversions. I get by appreciating Gods green earth, and my dream vacation is at my fishing cabin near the lakes . As long as I have a sound roof over my head, good food. loving wife, What more is there to ask for?..
 Quoting: APOLLO ILLUMINIST


That was a nice post Apollo.
anti-agenda21

User ID: 1462016
Canada
08/25/2012 10:52 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
My husband just had a meltdown, partially over finances, partially over my stress of the finances, and now I'm not sure what to do next. I've been a stay-at-home housewife for the past two years. I have always had the house cleaned, worked hard to lose the baby weight and am back down to pre-pregnancy size, I always have breakfast and dinner ready for him, and most importantly, I take care of our son.
He just walked out on us tonight and I'm so scared. I don't want to make a deal out of this to anyone in case he comes back, so I guess I'm turning to GLP for support. We only have one cell phone and no land line so I can't get a hold of him. I don't know what he's planning.
 Quoting: Boudicca



Not to make a joke, but you could hide yourself and your kid, but then again if you hide yourself when he really needs you, could back-fire..

so just chill and maybe give him some affection where he needs it most to make him chill


 Quoting: SaveAmericaFightNWO




LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IS THAT VIDEO !
SaveAmericaFightNWO

User ID: 19096721
United States
08/25/2012 10:53 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hang in there. You don't want him back if that's how he reacted when he found out you were pregnant and if he throws things at you.

Plenty of classier men in the world.

Also, he's a banister.
 Quoting: Rambaldi


Bad advice, he did not cheat on her, he walked out to cool off, obviously.

Just cause there's many men out there, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to stay and work it out, cause there's a good chance they can make it work, it's just money for god's sake, not the end of the world.

Move to the country, buy heirloom seeds, non-gmo, start your ranch/farm.

Many things that can help in this designed-to-make-us-fail system, leaving your man when he's hurting the most, is not the answer.
"what would you do if you, knew all the things we knew. Would you stand up for truth, or would you turn and walk away"
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:54 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Ladies, stay away from the nerds and the wanna be yuppies, They always have sexual kinks and are super obsessed with money.

Get yourself a good home grown, farm boy or midwesterner that likes flea markets and fairs and comedies..

Ive never freaked out like that on my woman, never yelled at her about money, never had sexual perversions. I get by appreciating Gods green earth, and my dream vacation is at my fishing cabin near the lakes . As long as I have a sound roof over my head, good food. loving wife, What more is there to ask for?..
 Quoting: APOLLO ILLUMINIST


That was a nice post Apollo.
 Quoting: Vision Thing


I agree; other than a few things he's posted that I disagree with, I've always found A.I. a really upstanding guy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11696035
Canada
08/25/2012 10:55 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Let's put it this way: what's left after all the NEEDS (not wants) are paid for? percentage wise
 Quoting: Boudicca


Breakdown per month: Income: around $2k
Mandatory enrollment for healthcare: $400
Car payment (1 car): $360
Rent: $725
Electric/Water/Trash: +/- $200
Food: $100 a week (includes the diapers we are hoping will end soon)
Gas for car:$80 per week.



Those car payments are redonculous, my latest car cost me 400+100 for parts (clunk out the repairs myself)


Seriously almost a quarter of your income for a car when you're BOTH students and only one works.


You need part part time work, he needs to take kids on weekend or something and you need to bust a nut.
Miggy

User ID: 17372810
United States
08/25/2012 10:55 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Dear B-

I am so sorry to hear this.

May I ask you something?

Why didn't you go to the funeral with your husband?

Did you go and I just missed it?

If you didn't go this is not good.

Prayers are flying down to you tonight, sis.

Miggy
CatBTX

User ID: 19108954
United States
08/25/2012 10:56 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hang in there. You don't want him back if that's how he reacted when he found out you were pregnant and if he throws things at you.

Plenty of classier men in the world.

Also, he's a banister.
 Quoting: Rambaldi


Bad advice, he did not cheat on her, he walked out to cool off, obviously.

Just cause there's many men out there, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to stay and work it out, cause there's a good chance they can make it work, it's just money for god's sake, not the end of the world.

Move to the country, buy heirloom seeds, non-gmo, start your ranch/farm.

Many things that can help in this designed-to-make-us-fail system, leaving your man when he's hurting the most, is not the answer.
 Quoting: SaveAmericaFightNWO


He is already displaying abusive behavior and she is suppose to stay by his side because he needs her? WTH are you smoking?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15846147
United States
08/25/2012 10:56 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hopefully he is like my husband and will come home in a few hours when he's calmed down.
 Quoting: alexisj9



1rof1

they got us figured out...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 4727082
United States
08/25/2012 10:57 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
Hang in there. You don't want him back if that's how he reacted when he found out you were pregnant and if he throws things at you.

Plenty of classier men in the world.

Also, he's a banister.
 Quoting: Rambaldi


Bad advice, he did not cheat on her, he walked out to cool off, obviously.

Just cause there's many men out there, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to stay and work it out, cause there's a good chance they can make it work, it's just money for god's sake, not the end of the world.

Move to the country, buy heirloom seeds, non-gmo, start your ranch/farm.

Many things that can help in this designed-to-make-us-fail system, leaving your man when he's hurting the most, is not the answer.
 Quoting: SaveAmericaFightNWO


That's where I am at:
Do I leave while he's left me? He left me without the baby seat (he refused to leave it so that my parents could pick us up tomorrow) and now my son and I are kind of stuck at hom.
Do I stay and ignore everything that has happened? We've tried to work it out but he always backs down when it's his turn to concede. He's made really bad financial decisions that have left us with no money, $15 in total right now, and I've had his back, didn't say a word to protest though I knew they were bad ideas, and this is what he does when I do decide to stand up to him.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 931693
United States
08/25/2012 10:57 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
He will come back if he knows what's good for him. No worries
Factual Error

User ID: 19116606
United States
08/25/2012 10:58 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
"...and started harping on him all of the time..."

Guys love this. Keep it up when he comes home, OP.
Not intended to be a factual statement.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22359606
United States
08/25/2012 11:01 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
My husband just had a meltdown, partially over finances, partially over my stress of the finances, and now I'm not sure what to do next. I've been a stay-at-home housewife for the past two years. I have always had the house cleaned, worked hard to lose the baby weight and am back down to pre-pregnancy size, I always have breakfast and dinner ready for him, and most importantly, I take care of our son.
He just walked out on us tonight and I'm so scared. I don't want to make a deal out of this to anyone in case he comes back, so I guess I'm turning to GLP for support. We only have one cell phone and no land line so I can't get a hold of him. I don't know what he's planning.
 Quoting: Boudicca


slap him

tell him you dont care about the money problems as many times as it takes over and over and over and over get it

stay together
tiger1

User ID: 6269153
United States
08/25/2012 11:01 PM

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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
...


So now that he's gone, you'll still be paying daycare.

WTF is your plan other than being his dependent?

It's a TEAM not a husband + cleaning lady. That's what Consuela immigrated for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


I understand your point, but this is what we've set up and he was happy with it. I'm actually a full time Radiology student and will complete my degree by May (IF he comes back and we go to our routines) and will make MUCH more than him. We always had the plan of me getting my degree, going to work full time and him switching to part time while he finishes his degree. I try to take as much stress off of him as possible (with the exception of the fights about finances) but obviously I was not doing enough.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Maybe you are both just living above your means if finances are an issue, and you can't be a student/mom at the same time. Both are expensive endeavors both time and money wise.


Let's put it this way: what's left after all the NEEDS (not wants) are paid for? percentage wise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11696035


Breakdown per month: Income: around $2k
Mandatory enrollment for healthcare: $400
Car payment (1 car): $360
Rent: $725
Electric/Water/Trash: +/- $200
Food: $100 a week (includes the diapers we are hoping will end soon)
Gas for car:$80 per week.

We get around $5k from student loans/grants/scholarships but they won't be disbursed until Sept. 22. Caleb just started school this past May and sometime in October he will get what his tuition cost reimbursed (not books). We take online courses for some of it and need internet so that's about $75.
 Quoting: Boudicca


Get rid of that car, and get a cheaper one. That car payment is eating up too much of your income. If your income is only $2,000 a month, you should be eligible for a state medical program, where your premiums are based on your income. My youngest is on the state program, and I pay $22 a month for her insurance. You need to apply for food stamps. All of your living expenses would count, but not that car payment. Are you getting WIC for your son? I think you might be income eligible, check with the local WIC office. You could get vouchers for milk, cheese, cereal, juice,eggs, etc. Every little bit helps.
DO NOT QUIT SCHOOL,no matter how tough it gets. You need the education to support your son.You only have to hang on until May when you graduate, then it will be easier for you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21672388
United States
08/25/2012 11:02 PM
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Re: My husband just left me and our son...don't know what to do next
you deserve better treatment, end of story.



hugs




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