Im gonna use this thread to rant... cause you know what, I dont have anyone else to talk to. Not that literally there is no one, but they nod their heads in agreement and they dont understand shit, because this life, my perception, is mine alone. They dont struggle with the things I do or care about the things I do. It feels as though I am sharing myself with demons who in their cleverness know they must maintain an image of humanity and friendship to really let the lonliness and suffering sink in to my heart. If they were to obvious Id have stopped talking to them a long time ago...

Everyone feels alone...

Is this even fucking true? I have never met anyone that communicates as fully as I do. I have never met the streotypical "friend" that you talk to about your problems and they give advice etc. Im always the only one being a friend... They cant even do the smallest friendly shit. 10 year friends 2 of them find something I misplaced in a public place and in stead of getting that thing for me, both of them tell me they found it and leave it where it was... These are 10 year fucking friends here. Friends that have not made it obvious they were either retarded of demons, give me just enough aquaintancship to make me keep them around to further prolong my suffering and lonliness.

Clever, clever god... If am supposed to soar far past my current heights by clearing these clever obstacles you've put in place for me, you might have made them a bit to tall.

Thing is... I may be too far gone. What is the sense of making obstacles so hard to overcome, in guise of it being a catalyst to force ourselves to bring us higher, when they are almost impossible to overcome. If you create more failures out of your chosen candidates than actual supreme beings, what is the point of making this so fucking difficult?

My sincerity is shot... There were chances in my past where I could have been on an easier path to the same goal, but the chances of me choosing that path was much less than 50% with all the influences that were given to me at the same time as the choice. That doesn't seem like good odds to put your chosen candidates at. Tone it down enough so that there is at least a 51% chance those you choose will choose correctly. Still making it difficult, but that in the long run you will gain more supreme beings than lose. That seems to be the most logical and emotionally appealing decision for a god to make imo. Get most, 51% of your chosen people to succeed. Or at least give them a 51% chance of making the right choice when that oppurtunity presents itself.

I know its quite pretentious of me to assume I know an all knowing "gods" plan. I just feel... that this was too hard. I feel I have failed my destiny and that this, where I am now, is my most likely outcome. I know I had choices in the past, but they were just too hard to make.

Well... I guess Im still alive and still "trying" although with much less fervor than I use to possess when younger, but still trying. Maybe theres something in my future besides more failures. Maybe...