The bible clearly teaches the locations of Heaven and Hell, the former being high in the sky, between the clouds and the stars, and the latter being deep within the earth. However, gravity raises some troubling implications: it teaches that everything on earth is, in fact, drawn towards a point deep within the earth. This point, of course is Hell. So, gravitationism teaches that everything on earth tries to get to Hell! And this “everything” includes, of course, True Christians®. Can you imagine a more unbiblical doctrine? Hell is literally central in this philosophy, and Heaven is the place where everything tries to get away from. They teach this in public schools, folks! No wonder this country is going to hell.

If you want final proof that gravity is a lie of Satan, an easy deduction argument is enough:

Fact 1: Satan’s lies try to land people in Hell
Fact 2: Gravity tries to land people in Hell.
Ergo: Gravity is a lie of Satan