May this thread represent my prayer to him then, I ask not for riches, not for luck , or respect , talent , unearned ability a hug or love. I guess peace of mind, hell I'd settle for a handshake.

Thanks for the responses, I don't think today is the day I truly find god and I may not find ever what I ask. If there are those who truely believe that god is with them send a prayer on my behalf. I hope god knows who I truely am, what I wanted to be in the end.

Please god have mercy, I have tried, and yet so it seems I may have failed you, but my intentions where always ment for the better.

Peace