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How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?

 
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 09:39 AM
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How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
snark

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09/23/2012 09:40 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
All of her technology = GONE.
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 09:44 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
teach her the story of the boy who cried wolf
Seeker of Truth
'Be the love that you are.'

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09/23/2012 09:48 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Setting a good example and Love - try it, you'll be surprised that it will cure all character flaws.hf
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' - Dr. Seuss
'love has no opposite as it is the divine solvent that ends duality.' - m'Lord
'Be the love that you are' -m'Lord
The amount of love and good feelings you have at the end of your life is equal to the love and good feelings you create during your life.- mine
Yes, the things that others think, say, or do will sometimes hurt you— until they do
not anymore.What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty—
being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing.
Say your truth—kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally
and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings
you new clarity.-God

[link to www.youtube.com]
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:49 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
All of her technology = GONE.
 Quoting: snark


That may work but she doesn't really care about those kinds of things.
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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09/23/2012 09:50 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
spanking101





Or you could screw with her head and lie about everything yourself...give her a dose of her own medicine, as they say...
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:51 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


belt

or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger

damned

but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today

pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society

grow a pair lady

where is her father?
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


She lives with her father full time and comes here on the weekends. He is afraid to spank her butt, partly because of her age but also is afraid that CPS will get involve regardless of the fact that spanking is legal where we live.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:52 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
:spanking101:





Or you could screw with her head and lie about everything yourself...give her a dose of her own medicine, as they say...
 Quoting: BRIEF


That's actually not a bad idea about me starting to lie about everything too, but doesn't that kind of set a bad example?
calin

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09/23/2012 09:53 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Find out why she lies.

People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc.

Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves.

See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com]
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

User ID: 24191668
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09/23/2012 09:53 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
spanking101





Or you could screw with her head and lie about everything yourself...give her a dose of her own medicine, as they say...
 Quoting: BRIEF


That's actually not a bad idea about me starting to lie about everything too, but doesn't that kind of set a bad example?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


Not when you are teaching a lesson...
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:54 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


belt

or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger

damned

but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today

pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society

grow a pair lady

where is her father?
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


She lives with her father full time and comes here on the weekends. He is afraid to spank her butt, partly because of her age but also is afraid that CPS will get involve regardless of the fact that spanking is legal where we live.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


sad situation

society teaches her to be this way

it's hard to influence them when you only see them on the weekends

I see it as more of a failure of the father if he's got most of the custody
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


Don't get me wrong, we are VERY close (my daughter and I) but in the last year or so she will lie to focus attention on someone else instead of her.

She even lies when it's unnecessary.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 09:54 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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09/23/2012 09:56 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177


I have custody of my three kids...well the oldest is 19 and on his own now but I raised them all by myself...


kingsisland
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:56 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Find out why she lies.

People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc.

Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves.

See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com]
 Quoting: calin


She will lie to avoid punishment. I have explained to her that lying will make her punishment worse and I even think she understands this concept but she will turn around and do it again the very next day.

I don't get it.
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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09/23/2012 09:58 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
I have a friend that got custody of his two daughters and son also...one's a Dentist, one is a broker, and the other is on welfare :(
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 09:59 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177


It was a mutual, out of court agreement. We have a really great relationship and I can see then whenever I want. The agreement was weekends, but I pick them up throughout the week as well.

I guess I should have said shared parenting.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:00 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
All of her technology = GONE.
 Quoting: snark


That may work but she doesn't really care about those kinds of things.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


Ditto... except what IS important to her? There's got to be something. Whatever it is, you and her father need to be on the same page about it too. It won't help anything if you are the only enforcer on this and she goes back to his house at the end of the visit to get everything she's been missing back. Chores work too. She's not going to want to mess with you so much if she knows she's got to scrub the floors with a scrub brush and soapy water as a consequence.

And here's another idea... I also grew up in a situation like hers with going to my Dad's every other weekend. I was sick and tired of going back and forth at that point and chose to stop by then. My parents gave me the choice. I found other ways to spend time with my Dad like going fishing, hiking etc. Maybe she's tired of going back and forth and you need to find a new way to connect. She sounds more like she's playing a game than anything else because she's got nothing better to do.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:02 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177


It isn't unheard of. I've known several people who have split and the Dad receives custody. The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed. I would have been much better off being raised by my father than by my mother. Only now as an adult and parent do I see that.. but see it none-the-less.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 10:03 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
All of her technology = GONE.
 Quoting: snark


That may work but she doesn't really care about those kinds of things.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


Ditto... except what IS important to her? There's got to be something. Whatever it is, you and her father need to be on the same page about it too. It won't help anything if you are the only enforcer on this and she goes back to his house at the end of the visit to get everything she's been missing back. Chores work too. She's not going to want to mess with you so much if she knows she's got to scrub the floors with a scrub brush and soapy water as a consequence.

And here's another idea... I also grew up in a situation like hers with going to my Dad's every other weekend. I was sick and tired of going back and forth at that point and chose to stop by then. My parents gave me the choice. I found other ways to spend time with my Dad like going fishing, hiking etc. Maybe she's tired of going back and forth and you need to find a new way to connect. She sounds more like she's playing a game than anything else because she's got nothing better to do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23475884


She loves coming here and spending as much time with us as possible. She is a wonderful child because I raised her for most of her life until her father and I came up with a new agreement.

She is very loving, empathetic, helpful and just all around a wonderful child, it's just this lying thing all of the sudden.

Her father is getting fed up with it too and yes we are on the same page and working as a team.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:04 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 10:05 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Find out why she lies.

People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc.

Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves.

See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com]
 Quoting: calin


She will lie to avoid punishment. I have explained to her that lying will make her punishment worse and I even think she understands this concept but she will turn around and do it again the very next day.

I don't get it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


in the real world most, and I do mean most, people lie on a regular basis

in fact most people are such compulsive liars they even lie to themselves!

your daughter is becoming "normal"

it's sad isn't it?
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


It all started when he decided to put her in public school.

She was homeschooled, by me, for the first 11 years of her life and was doing excellent.

Within the first year at a public school she has turned into a compulsive liar.

Do you think that's the reason?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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09/23/2012 10:05 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24281074


This is what I fear and absolutely do not want to happen. I have warned her of the exact same thing myself.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:06 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177

The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23475884


Oh, I agree.

But, it happens more often than not.

My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad.

I've never figured that out.
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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09/23/2012 10:08 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177

The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23475884


Oh, I agree.

But, it happens more often than not.

My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad.

I've never figured that out.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177


It's called spouse maintenance, legally...I paid it for a while before I figured out a way to get around the law...
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:08 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24281074


This is what I fear and absolutely do not want to happen. I have warned her of the exact same thing myself.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


Then refuse to have her over. Refuse to see her. Let both your former husband and her know that you cannot cope with her dishonesty and seeing it causes you too much pain.
PallasAthene

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09/23/2012 10:08 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


belt

or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger

damned

but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today

pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society

grow a pair lady

where is her father?
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


Encouraging physical violence on a minor who can't defend herself properly, with a weapon that's exaggerated assault and illegal, you should be ashamed to say such things, do not confuse fear for respect.

Sit her down and tell her how her actions are making you feel treat her like a young adult and not a child, show her respect and she will show you some too. Will work.
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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United States
09/23/2012 10:09 AM

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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working.

As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else.

Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398


belt

or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger

damned

but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today

pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society

grow a pair lady

where is her father?
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


Encouraging physical violence on a minor who can't defend herself properly, with a weapon that's exaggerated assault and illegal, you should be ashamed to say such things, do not confuse fear for respect.

Sit her down and tell her how her actions are making you feel treat her like a young adult and not a child, show her respect and she will show you some too. Will work.
 Quoting: PallasAthene


You Liberals make me sick...
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:10 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
In this day, how did Dad end up with custody.

More here than OP is letting on to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177

The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23475884


Oh, I agree.

But, it happens more often than not.

My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad.

I've never figured that out.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177


It's called spouse maintenance, legally...I paid it for a while before I figured out a way to get around the law...
 Quoting: BRIEF


She also got Alimony.

Isn't that "spouse maintenance" ?

Hey Trin, pin this.

Looks like an excellent discussion.
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:10 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
That is one of the traits that children of alcoholics display.


Read up COA materials.

[link to www.thisisawar.com]

compulsive lying

When a child learns that the only time to get the non-alcoholic’s attention is when a crisis is happening, that child learns to create catastrophic crises to get the attention he needs and for which he longs.

He learns to lie to meet his needs.

A 26-year-old guidance counsellor whose mother was alcoholic remarks: "I find myself lying and about halfway through the lie, wanting to say, 'Stop! That’s a lie, that’s not it! Start over again!' but am too embarrassed to do it."

Deceit becomes a habit. Even if you have learned to tell the truth about situational things, your feelings may be causing you trouble. It is not unusual for children of alcoholics to have difficulty recognizing their own feelings, much less to be honest about them to others. So in effect, the child is not really telling a lie - he is just not telling the truth.
PallasAthene

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09/23/2012 10:11 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
OP maybe she lies to get more attention from you both so the attention is focused on her, does she feel left out or a problem to you both maybe?
Anonymous Coward
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09/23/2012 10:11 AM
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Re: How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?
abduct Alien abduction always works!

Nah, really. If you don't have a decent enough or trusting enough relationship to be able to get through to the kid with words, understanding, and listening...then I don't have an answer.

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