How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar? | |
snark Forum Administrator User ID: 1050548 United States 09/23/2012 09:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | All of her technology = GONE. T For Texas, T For Tennessee! The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1184401 United States 09/23/2012 09:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 9074179 United States 09/23/2012 09:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 09:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | :spanking101: Or you could screw with her head and lie about everything yourself...give her a dose of her own medicine, as they say... I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? belt or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society grow a pair lady where is her father? She lives with her father full time and comes here on the weekends. He is afraid to spank her butt, partly because of her age but also is afraid that CPS will get involve regardless of the fact that spanking is legal where we live. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
calin User ID: 14023715 United States 09/23/2012 09:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Find out why she lies. People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc. Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves. See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com] .............................. When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. .................................. THE SECOND AGREEMENT: "Don't take anything personally. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 09:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | :spanking101: Quoting: BRIEF Or you could screw with her head and lie about everything yourself...give her a dose of her own medicine, as they say... That's actually not a bad idea about me starting to lie about everything too, but doesn't that kind of set a bad example? Not when you are teaching a lesson... I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? belt or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society grow a pair lady where is her father? She lives with her father full time and comes here on the weekends. He is afraid to spank her butt, partly because of her age but also is afraid that CPS will get involve regardless of the fact that spanking is legal where we live. sad situation society teaches her to be this way it's hard to influence them when you only see them on the weekends I see it as more of a failure of the father if he's got most of the custody Don't get me wrong, we are VERY close (my daughter and I) but in the last year or so she will lie to focus attention on someone else instead of her. She even lies when it's unnecessary. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17487177 United States 09/23/2012 09:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 09:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. I have custody of my three kids...well the oldest is 19 and on his own now but I raised them all by myself... :kingsisland: I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Find out why she lies. Quoting: calin People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc. Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves. See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com] She will lie to avoid punishment. I have explained to her that lying will make her punishment worse and I even think she understands this concept but she will turn around and do it again the very next day. I don't get it. |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 09:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I have a friend that got custody of his two daughters and son also...one's a Dentist, one is a broker, and the other is on welfare :( I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 09:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. It was a mutual, out of court agreement. We have a really great relationship and I can see then whenever I want. The agreement was weekends, but I pick them up throughout the week as well. I guess I should have said shared parenting. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 23475884 United States 09/23/2012 10:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | That may work but she doesn't really care about those kinds of things. Ditto... except what IS important to her? There's got to be something. Whatever it is, you and her father need to be on the same page about it too. It won't help anything if you are the only enforcer on this and she goes back to his house at the end of the visit to get everything she's been missing back. Chores work too. She's not going to want to mess with you so much if she knows she's got to scrub the floors with a scrub brush and soapy water as a consequence. And here's another idea... I also grew up in a situation like hers with going to my Dad's every other weekend. I was sick and tired of going back and forth at that point and chose to stop by then. My parents gave me the choice. I found other ways to spend time with my Dad like going fishing, hiking etc. Maybe she's tired of going back and forth and you need to find a new way to connect. She sounds more like she's playing a game than anything else because she's got nothing better to do. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 23475884 United States 09/23/2012 10:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. It isn't unheard of. I've known several people who have split and the Dad receives custody. The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed. I would have been much better off being raised by my father than by my mother. Only now as an adult and parent do I see that.. but see it none-the-less. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 10:03 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | That may work but she doesn't really care about those kinds of things. Ditto... except what IS important to her? There's got to be something. Whatever it is, you and her father need to be on the same page about it too. It won't help anything if you are the only enforcer on this and she goes back to his house at the end of the visit to get everything she's been missing back. Chores work too. She's not going to want to mess with you so much if she knows she's got to scrub the floors with a scrub brush and soapy water as a consequence. And here's another idea... I also grew up in a situation like hers with going to my Dad's every other weekend. I was sick and tired of going back and forth at that point and chose to stop by then. My parents gave me the choice. I found other ways to spend time with my Dad like going fishing, hiking etc. Maybe she's tired of going back and forth and you need to find a new way to connect. She sounds more like she's playing a game than anything else because she's got nothing better to do. She loves coming here and spending as much time with us as possible. She is a wonderful child because I raised her for most of her life until her father and I came up with a new agreement. She is very loving, empathetic, helpful and just all around a wonderful child, it's just this lying thing all of the sudden. Her father is getting fed up with it too and yes we are on the same page and working as a team. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24281074 Canada 09/23/2012 10:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 10:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Find out why she lies. Quoting: calin People lie because they are afraid that telling the truth will get punishment, anger, attitudes, etc. Make it comfortable for her to tell the truth. Accept her for who she is and what she thinks. Let her know you love her unconditionally know matter what happens or how she behaves. See if there is anything on this site that will help... [link to www.empoweringparents.com] She will lie to avoid punishment. I have explained to her that lying will make her punishment worse and I even think she understands this concept but she will turn around and do it again the very next day. I don't get it. in the real world most, and I do mean most, people lie on a regular basis in fact most people are such compulsive liars they even lie to themselves! your daughter is becoming "normal" it's sad isn't it? It all started when he decided to put her in public school. She was homeschooled, by me, for the first 11 years of her life and was doing excellent. Within the first year at a public school she has turned into a compulsive liar. Do you think that's the reason? |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 24280398 United States 09/23/2012 10:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection. This is what I fear and absolutely do not want to happen. I have warned her of the exact same thing myself. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17487177 United States 09/23/2012 10:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed. Oh, I agree. But, it happens more often than not. My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad. I've never figured that out. |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed. Oh, I agree. But, it happens more often than not. My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad. I've never figured that out. It's called spouse maintenance, legally...I paid it for a while before I figured out a way to get around the law... I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24281074 Canada 09/23/2012 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? You cannot. It is a mental illness. She will continue this way for the rest of her life, and life will be a great punishment for her as a result. She is doomed to loneliness and rejection. This is what I fear and absolutely do not want to happen. I have warned her of the exact same thing myself. Then refuse to have her over. Refuse to see her. Let both your former husband and her know that you cannot cope with her dishonesty and seeing it causes you too much pain. |
PallasAthene User ID: 24249814 United Kingdom 09/23/2012 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? belt or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society grow a pair lady where is her father? Encouraging physical violence on a minor who can't defend herself properly, with a weapon that's exaggerated assault and illegal, you should be ashamed to say such things, do not confuse fear for respect. Sit her down and tell her how her actions are making you feel treat her like a young adult and not a child, show her respect and she will show you some too. Will work. |
BRIEF User ID: 24191668 United States 09/23/2012 10:09 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, I am the mother of a 13 years old girl and it seems that every word that comes out of her mouth ends up being a lie or deceptive. I have tried sending her to her room for the day, taking things away from her that she enjoys, sitting down and talking with her and nothing seems to be working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24280398 As soon as she is finished being punished, I find out that she has lied about something else. Any suggestions from any mothers here as to how you handle repeated lying in your homes? belt or you could go full on mommy dearest and bust out the wire coat hanger but seriously your failure to instill the fear of god in her at a younger age via proper discipline has left you with the monster you have today pretty soon it will be too late for you to correct it and she'll end up a problem of society grow a pair lady where is her father? Encouraging physical violence on a minor who can't defend herself properly, with a weapon that's exaggerated assault and illegal, you should be ashamed to say such things, do not confuse fear for respect. Sit her down and tell her how her actions are making you feel treat her like a young adult and not a child, show her respect and she will show you some too. Will work. You Liberals make me sick... I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17487177 United States 09/23/2012 10:10 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this day, how did Dad end up with custody. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17487177 More here than OP is letting on to. The assumption that the mother is more fit to raise them simply because she's the mother is flawed. Oh, I agree. But, it happens more often than not. My Mother got child support for 6 years, even though we lived with our Dad. I've never figured that out. It's called spouse maintenance, legally...I paid it for a while before I figured out a way to get around the law... She also got Alimony. Isn't that "spouse maintenance" ? Hey Trin, pin this. Looks like an excellent discussion. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 23745362 United States 09/23/2012 10:10 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | That is one of the traits that children of alcoholics display. Read up COA materials. [link to www.thisisawar.com] compulsive lying When a child learns that the only time to get the non-alcoholic’s attention is when a crisis is happening, that child learns to create catastrophic crises to get the attention he needs and for which he longs. He learns to lie to meet his needs. A 26-year-old guidance counsellor whose mother was alcoholic remarks: "I find myself lying and about halfway through the lie, wanting to say, 'Stop! That’s a lie, that’s not it! Start over again!' but am too embarrassed to do it." Deceit becomes a habit. Even if you have learned to tell the truth about situational things, your feelings may be causing you trouble. It is not unusual for children of alcoholics to have difficulty recognizing their own feelings, much less to be honest about them to others. So in effect, the child is not really telling a lie - he is just not telling the truth. |
PallasAthene User ID: 24249814 United Kingdom 09/23/2012 10:11 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24133321 United Kingdom 09/23/2012 10:11 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |