How do you punish a 13 year old habitual liar?

There are a lot of things that I'm willing to do. Abandoning her is not one of them.

Basically the same thing, but by having it carefully worded in the divorce papers, it's easier to get out of maintenance, which was my goal from the beginning...

I am positive it's not an attention thing. She gets crazy attention when she's here and we do everything together.

Also no alcoholism in her life from anyone.

it's tough when you are on a planet full of them.

. . . the same way you "punish" all 13-year-olds . . .

Be careful what you wish for...my kids look me in the eye and tell me the God's honest truth about everything, and there's some things a parent really doesn't want to know about their teenagers...and their girlfriends

. . . by teaching instead of "punishing" . . .

I do believe that she wants to come back here to live and may be lying to attempt to manipulate that happening, but it's not just her lying about one of us to the other, she lies about EVERYTHING.

I am so frustrated and completely lacking understanding as to why she does it. ugh!

I'm not a liberal, I just don't think physical coercion is appropriate in all circumstances, children would be an example of this, I'm not saying 'no discipline' after all are you yourself not against these dictator led societies in the middle east?! can't you see this is the same thing, you would then become the dictator over your own home, which would undermine the constitution you hold so dear to your heart, land of the free etc etc.

to be feared is not the same as to be loved.

. . . stop asking her stupid questions . . .

Punishment teaches a lot quicker than babying them...

Like I haven't done that from the beginning. None of my other children have this issue and we are ALL very close.

She knows she can talk to us about anything, the lines of communication are wide open and she knows it but chooses to lie instead, even about things that don't matter.

Why not ask her instead of the internet?

Yeah, never thought about that. lol

I doubt that will work, turning a blind eye to lying doesn't seem to be the best way to get rid of it to me.

It all started when he decided to put her in public school.

She was homeschooled, by me, for the first 11 years of her life and was doing excellent.

Within the first year at a public school she has turned into a compulsive liar.

Do you think that's the reason?


It could probably be counted as a large part of it. Public schools can just be terrible. Not all the kids there are, but the general environment is.

I have. She lies.

My home is not a democracy...I am King...what I say goes...I have just a few rules and they are nonnegotiable...among them are no tattoos, no spending the night with your girlfriend, and if you aren't at work then home by 10 PM on a school night.

She's not even really a "good liar" which is why it's an issue.

She's constantly getting busted doing it.

A good liar wouldn't get caught.

You're not asking the right questions.

BINGO!

If the her father is not home she is blaming you for that, this is normal. She will continue doing the things that dislike you since she knows you pay too much attention to it therefore she finds pleasure by doing it, it is a way of punishing you back

Try to do the contrary to how you would normally react in a way it isn't so obvious to her you are pretending to fake such reaction. Become a friend of her though this will be difficult.

OK , mum of 3 here....one son of 28 who was the devils spawn....OMG he would lie about all and everything , he would also steal BUT if I found out he would be terrified , I d give him a back hander and still now he is respectful , my daughter is 22 soon , she has had 2 slaps in her whole life , once when she was 6 as she would not leave a friends house and was clinging onto the doorframe playing silly buggers , so I slapped her leg after trying the "nice mummy" approach.....then again at 16 she was due in at 10 o clock and still wasnt home at 12 one night , I d rang her friend who said she didnt know where she was , daughter arrived home and told me she had been with the friend I had just rang.....I slapped her right round the chops!!! DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO MUMMY !!!!
Son number 3 is only 9 and a placid easy child , hasnt needed any form of physical punishment , I am NOT a cruel mother , but have brought these up on my own , the first 2 have their own families now and are well adjusted adults who respect me.....
I believe you need to instill discipline while kids are young , mine have all been wary if I raise my voice , they are your kids NOT your mates....so be the parent! Simple !

Your daughter is at the age when she's starting to learn about character.

I was a habitual liar when I was about that age (dysfunctional parents going through a nasty divorce were a big part of that, I suppose).

I lied because I was lazy. I lied to avoid trouble.

The most powerful lesson came from my Grandfather who sat me down one day and told me about Integrity. He simply taught me that integrity was like a glass of water, and each time you lie you pour some water out - and once it's gone, it's gone.

Also, he used to say all the time that, "Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching."

I also had an Uncle in the Air Force who went on to State Department. I really looked up to him as an example of how a man of character could achieve great things.

Best of luck.

Funny, just been pondering about a neighbor who is 40 with three kids and a wife that is a professional liar. He has caused problems in the neighborhood and an untold amount of stress in his personal relationships, including his wife and children. Let's look at it this way, the world is filled with liars, and many get what they want in life by manipulating the good people that are unsuspecting. But, eventually the lies do catch up with them, sooner or later. Additiionally, people are more aware of liars and are now developing intuition to know when they are being played. As time goes on this intuition will mature and liars will be transparent to the world.

Advice where this is a child? First, use your intuition to detect whether it is a lie or not. If unsure, look into the facts before making a decision. Create consequences if she lies. Point out the stablility and harmony of honesty. Because I believe when you lie constantly that you erode your insight of who you really are and what you really feel and value in the world. We are all connected to each other, and dishonesty lead to disharmony, and that DISHARMONY will become a personal way of life. She can do better with guidance. I wish you the best, it is hard to raise children today in a world that has rewarded lies. Good luck to you.

Is it possible to go back to homeschooling her? You need to reel this in NOW, because if she's allowed to continue, she could end up like Casey Anthony. Maybe you could have her watch a documentary on that monster. She might look at it and realize she doesn't want to end up like that and change on her own. Good luck with whatever method you choose OP!

I agree with you Brief....I take the same approach

When my parents did that to me, i ran away and our relationship never got good again.

Why does everything have to be one of two extremes? Democracy vs dictatorship aren't the only two options. You know whats funny though, when I was younger I lived by stricter rules than that, you're not really strict at all! Who's the liberal now ahah

You can't do anything about it you can't make someone a certain way they are how they are.

You are correct if we were talking about an adult, but we're talking about a child.

That is your job as a parent. To raise them and mold them into being a good human being.