'if you have all of these THINGS, why are you still an asshole?'
by xyz on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 11:23am ·

yesterday, the owner of lava java, who has two homes and a cafe, everything he needs MATERIALLY, told me, 'you just think you're a good person. if you really are, why are you homeless?' My first thought in response was, 'if you have all of these THINGS, why are you still an asshole?' you don't know me, and you never will; i do not play by your rules.



i AM good enough. my son is better than good enough. 'you create your reality, you create your environment...' IMPLIES THAT IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING, YOU MUST DESERVE IT. you must be a really rotten person inside, because all of the GOOD people are materially supported. i acknowledge that i have made choices and taken paths that have led me to be where i am, however, i have also chosen to handle that with high integrity NO MATTER WHAT, to be honest, to be good, to think of others and hold the door for someone, or walk an elderly person across the street, even if i am in a hurry. i don't want a brownie button; but if our environment is truly a reflection of who we are inside, shouldn't we have everything we need? not so. thinking like that has led to so much dualistic thinking and self-abuse it's not even funny.



now, something i am becoming more aware of lately is how people who have what they need always feel it is never enough. even if we have NOTHING, they see my wonderful relationship with my son as a threat. they see my kindness as a threat. they see my ability to be strong as a threat, and they do everything they can in any way they can to take that away. they project their own fears and insecurities on us. 99% do not see, hey, here is a mother and child doing SO WELL in spite of the extreme hardship they endure. instead they envy us for our connection and integrity, and take everything they can get from us.



so, while i sit on the side that has no material gain, but great spiritual reward, it seems as if those who strive solely for material gain know, intrinsically, that there is something intangible and much deeper that they are missing. i have worked harder for my spiritual integrity than anyone has ever worked for a new car. the spiritual life does not play by the same rules. where others have achieved material gain, we have achieved spiritual gain. being strong and good does not mean you are going to get a new car. you cannot live a spiritual life with the expectation that you will receive material gain as a result; sort of missing the point, wouldn't you say?



it is difficult to bring balance to these dualistic realities when the realm we inhabit is dualistically based, and few consciously strive for that balance. the more secure and immersed in material comforts we are, the less it seems we experience and embrace the lessons and growth that seeking deeper levels of existence bring us. material security is not more valuable than the efforts to learn and grow from a lack thereof, one is simply more tangible than the other, and so, superficially, valued more by the majority who lack the strength to seek the intangible. if you lose your creature comforts, what do you have left? who are you, really? do you truly believe we are here to evolve spiritually for the purpose of being materially secure?



our path may be rough, but i can HONESTLY say, with deep processing and introspection, that every fork in the road i have chosen, i took the path not of least resistance, but of higher integrity.



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-frost